Funny things people say pre-parenthood

[AllisonR]

You know, your friend who is pregnant for the 1st time, your aunt that never wanted kids of her own... then all the really crazy, silly comments they make. This is my favorite though:

My good friend was pregnant for the first time, with a due date of August 15th. Her good friend was getting married on the same day. She said it would probably not be a problem, because "well, if it is the same day, I might have to miss the wedding if I am tired. But if it is the next day or two, then for sure I will go. I will just pump and leave the baby with DH for a few hours." BTW, she has no car so she would have to take a taxi into town, then take the train 1.5 hours, just to get to the wedding location. Like a few hours after birth? But the comment about pumping the day after the baby was born just so cracked me up.

FWIW, she did give birth on the same day, missed the wedding, and obviously was too preoccupied to care.

[Apple Girl]

I had some childless newlywed friends tell me at my DS1's baby shower that I should be sure to "let the baby CIO so he doesn't end up running my life."

Um, yeah, no thanks.

[NiteNicole]

I think I'm pretty much the one who said all the crazy things pre-kids. I knew nothing. I possibly know less now, but at least I KNOW I don't know.

[Turtlecouple]

yeeahhh...I cringe when I think about some of the stuff I said pre-babies...

[2lilsweetfoxes]

We are all perfect parents before we have kids. Theoretical children are so sweet and actually mind when you talk to them in a calm manner, don't test you, and meet all developmental milestones right on cue. Real children are human--and they don't read the psychology how-to-raise-good-children book-of-the-day.

[limabean]

Originally Posted by NiteNicole

I think I'm pretty much the one who said all the crazy things pre-kids. I knew nothing. I possibly know less now, but at least I KNOW I don't know.

Same here. I remember babysitting a 2yo and telling my mom later, "That kid was singing his ABCs while I changed his diaper -- if he's old enough to know his ABCs, he's old enough to poop in the toilet!"

[artgoddess]

I remember a woman telling me years before I had kids that she and her mom went shopping a couple days after her baby was born. For like 6 hours. Leaving the baby home with her husband (I'm pretty sure the babe was FF from day one) and she did this so her DH and the baby would bond well. She raved about how great this was, how her child had such a great bond with dad. I remember thinking that was such a great idea, until I had a baby myself.

[Fuamami]

I'm still waiting on this one, but at my bridal shower both my sister and my sister-in-law were pregnant. My sister-in-law was about 8 months and my sister about 6 months, and, of course, were both wearing maternity outfits.

One of my friends started going on and on about how when she got pregnant she was just going to wear baby Ts and hip-huggers and never wear those awful maternity capris or big shirts. It was pretty funny when she realized both pregnant women (my sister was actually wearing khaki capris and a denim, sleeveless maternity top) were listening to her, but I kind of wondered if there would be a fight.

Anyway, I keep waiting for her to settle down and get pregnant and see if she follows through on her promise.

[MariesMama]

I had quite a doozy myself ... just before getting pregnant I dog-sat for my parents for a week. Two high-strung, dumber than rocks, overbred dogs with allergies to everything, one with FIVE kinds of eye drops for some crazy eye infection. Each eye drop was on a different schedule, requiring me to give the drops at 10pm, 12am, 1am, 4am, 6am, and 8am, not to mention during the day. I got pregnant a few weeks later and stated that having a baby would be a cake walk compared to those damn dogs.

Yes, I was totally ridiculed. My ex still brings it up as if to point out that I am an unfit parent.

Here's the kicker. After the first week, DD was sleeping five hours at a stretch. Never colicky or cranky. I really did sleep more after having her than I did with those dogs.

[Adallae]

A (childless) co-worker advised that all I needed to do to get some sleep while DD is teething is rub some brandy on her gums. He still can't figure out why I won't take his advice.

[Betleowe]

When I was a teen, I used to criticize two of my cousins. They both had kids the same age. One of them let her kid do whatever she liked, she was fed with junk all the time, she was a very unpleasant child. Everytime they visit us I locked myself in my room I couldn't stand that kid.

And the other one was as I used to say "extremly attached", I thought that was extreme. My cousin didin't wanted her little boy to go to daycare at 4 and I thought she was the worst mom in the world and that the kid wouldn't learn how to socialize. They had to be in the same room together becuase if no -oh the drama-. This kid was worse than the first one, I used to say that my child was not going to be that way.

Now I won't send DD to daycare or kindergarden, homeschooling is for us. DD is that "attached" kid.

[Fuamami]

Originally Posted by Adallae

A (childless) co-worker advised that all I needed to do to get some sleep while DD is teething is rub some brandy on her gums. He still can't figure out why I won't take his advice.

this is good advice, only I've heard it with whiskey:

One shot whiskey per teething baby. Rub a little on baby's gum, then take the shot yourself.

[Caneel]

Originally Posted by MariesMama

I had quite a doozy myself ... just before getting pregnant I dog-sat for my parents for a week. Two high-strung, dumber than rocks, overbred dogs with allergies to everything, one with FIVE kinds of eye drops for some crazy eye infection. Each eye drop was on a different schedule, requiring me to give the drops at 10pm, 12am, 1am, 4am, 6am, and 8am, not to mention during the day. I got pregnant a few weeks later and stated that having a baby would be a cake walk compared to those damn dogs.

Yes, I was totally ridiculed. My ex still brings it up as if to point out that I am an unfit parent.

Here's the kicker. After the first week, DD was sleeping five hours at a stretch. Never colicky or cranky. I really did sleep more after having her than I did with those dogs.

I totally relate to this.

DH and I always said having two Siamese cats prepared us for having a child.

These cats are the most high maintenance animals on the planet - the screaming and wailing at all hours of the night, health issues, the medication schedules, needy, needy needy. We had to baby proof the house years before we had a child.

Funny? yes

True? yes 'cept DS slept through the night much sooner than the cats, who are still prone to 4am wake up calls for food.

This one made my friend's howl -

I will never live down the statement that I wouldn't have a baby until Coach made a diaper bag. They totally made fun of me. I did get the diaper bag, the baby took longer and 6 years later I am still using that bag.

[limabean]

Originally Posted by MariesMama

I had quite a doozy myself ... just before getting pregnant I dog-sat for my parents for a week. Two high-strung, dumber than rocks, overbred dogs with allergies to everything, one with FIVE kinds of eye drops for some crazy eye infection. Each eye drop was on a different schedule, requiring me to give the drops at 10pm, 12am, 1am, 4am, 6am, and 8am, not to mention during the day. I got pregnant a few weeks later and stated that having a baby would be a cake walk compared to those damn dogs.

Yes, I was totally ridiculed. My ex still brings it up as if to point out that I am an unfit parent.

Here's the kicker. After the first week, DD was sleeping five hours at a stretch. Never colicky or cranky. I really did sleep more after having her than I did with those dogs.

I said similar stuff. We got our dog a year and a half before DS was born, and I cried for 2 weeks straight when we got her, wondering what the heck we had done to our lives. I swear it was a bigger adjustment than when I had a baby. Before DS was born, I'd talk about how hard getting the dog was, but I'd always be sure to put in tons of disclaimers when talking to my friends with kids, saying stuff like, "I'm sure it's nothing compared to kids" and, "Not to compare my dog to your kid," but now that I have 2 kids of my own I can say with confidence that yes, the dog was actually harder in the first few months. I'm sure I sound like a raging idiot to some people, but for me that was absolutely true.

[ProtoLawyer]

I am PG with my first (though I do have plenty of toddlerhood-on experience with my stepdaughter, of whom my husband has joint custody)...and I can say for certain I will never wear maternity capris. (I'm so short-legged that capris just look like unintentionally too-short pants on me.)

My husband will probably say that the dumbest thing he's heard so far is how he doesn't understand what he's getting into because he's never had a baby of "his own." (Never mind he was actually a SAHD for most of his daughter's first year.)

[PurpleFireFlies]

Originally Posted by Turtlecouple

yeeahhh...I cringe when I think about some of the stuff I said pre-babies...

same here...I was just having a discussion with older DS today about the things I didnt know when he and my DS16 were little.

[North_Of_60]

Originally Posted by Turtlecouple

yeeahhh...I cringe when I think about some of the stuff I said pre-babies...

Me too. I was very much into corporal punishment pre-kids, and critized people heavily for having ill mannered children. I've learned A LOT, and it's almost like the minute I found out I was pregnant I did a 180 and couldn't ever imagine hitting or berating my would-be child. She's 3.5 and I've never laid a hand on her. Go figure. (Though I'm still what you'd consider a "strict" parent, but I also acknowledge that my daughter's wonderful laid back attitude is due to the way she came out of me, and I'm sure all my theories will be challenged by future children. )

My sister and I actually had a huge fight not too long ago because she berated for me for how I talked to my daughter when we were late walking out the door and she was goofing around. She was right, I really did snap at her. But what she didn't realize was that something had JUST happened back home (I was visiting them) that she didn't now about, that I was really upset about, and I was trying to hold myself together and just snapped at my daughter. She didn't bother to ask me if I needed help, but just sat there like a lump on a log and watched me struggle, then berated me because I was coming unglued. Not a single "hey what's up, this isn't like you, can I help". But she didn't miss the opportunity to tell me how mean I was being.

Anyway, a few days after that incident (when she figured out I was mad at her) I went up one side of her and down the other and told her to WAIT until the day everything's falling apart for her and some old crab apple at the grocery store makes a snap judgment about her parenting. I told her not to come complaining to me, and that I'd remind her of the day she berated me because I was having a bad moment instead of trying to help.

She's pregnant now. I still can't wait for that day. Everyone has their moments. Making silly comments to people when you don't know if their mother just died and they got laid off and their car broke down is about as stupid and judgmental as a person can be. And coming from your own SISTER? Yeah, don't be complaining to me!

[mambera]

For some unimaginable reason I thought I would be fine with sending an infant to daycare so I could go back to work.

Obviously that was the dumbest idea EVER; luckily my MIL, Lord love her, knew better and stepped into the breach as caregiver when she heard I only got 8 weeks of maternity leave.

Another thing - prior to having a child I was sort of laissez-faire about circ; I figured there were plusses and minuses and though I thought I would probably not have my own kid circ'ed, I really didn't feel super strongly about it.

Even though I had a daughter and it hasn't been an issue yet, now that I've had a child I absolutely cannot imagine letting someone do such violence to a tiny baby. Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever.

[lifeguard]

You know it irritated me before I had ds (especially as it took us 6 years to conceive) when people automatically disregarded me just because I wasn't a mommy & I refuse to do it to other people.

OF COURSE, we ALL have misperceptions before we have babies. And we do it with everything in our lives. First job, first road trip, before marriage, first house, first credit card, etc, etc, etc. Until you have lived something you can never truly comprehend it. I don't think of that as stupid but just how things are.

I have made a promise to myself that I will NEVER say to someone "We'll see when you have kids!" as I found that SO hurtful.

[Kidzaplenty]