When the gift-givers find out you decluttered things they gave you? - Page 2

[treespeak]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

I wouldn't have lied. I'd have told MIL "Yes, we're giving that away. We don't need it and we don't want it taking up our precious storage space. You're welcome to it if you'd like." Then you wouldn't be "stuck with it" and MIL might have a better idea of what kinds of gifts you're likely to keep.

Exactly. I'm at a point in my life where I just tell things the way they are. I donate most of the gifts that MIL gives me. I love her, but the gifts aren't her--they are clutter to me and so I pass them on. If she continues to value buying and giving me things that she never sees in my house again, that's her choice and I respect it. If she asks where something is, I tell her. Obscuring the truth just makes it more likely you'll get more clutter in the future.

[swd12422]

I got caught at this last year, and probably will EVERY year! DS's birthday is right before Christmas, and he gets a TON of crap from family, friends, friends of my parents I don't even know... So most of it goes to Toys for Tots!

Last year, I told my family I didn't want any noisy plastic toys. DS was turning 1 and just didn't need that kind of stuff yet. ("Need"... YKWIM!) Well, he got a wood puzzle (still have it), a plastic piano that doesn't even work logically (kept it, never played with it, donated it after several months), a plastic radio that didn't do much except make noise (donated immediately), and plastic stacking rings that light up and play music (regifted). They come over and poke around, asking for the radio or the "other" stacking rings (he already has a set that play music - ugh!). I just say it's around here somewhere, he just had it yesterday. But I think they know... We'll see how they do this year!

Don't feel bad. It's your house and now your property (once the gift is given) to do with what you want, and it's no one's business what happens to it. But yeah, I'd still feel bad. I wouldn't want to find out that I've been giving awful gifts FOR YEARS only to have them tossed immediately. No one wants to feel that way. But geez, your MIL is sure trying hard to get there, isn't she?

[justamama]

I would have simply told her that we didn't need it anymore, and if she wanted them, she could find them in a few days at the Goodwill while placing them back in the box. But, I'm snarky and don't care if my IL's get along with me. If you want me to keep something, don't give me junk.

[daytripper75]

I've been on the opposite end of that situation. I went to my sil's garage sale and saw something that I had given her. At first it gave me pangs but then I realized that I don't want her to hold on to something she doesn't want just because I wanted her to have it at one time.
We can't keep everything we've ever been given, we just can't.c

[abharrington]

Originally Posted by Jackies Ladybug

sometimes i break stuff i got as gifts just so i have an excuse to get rid of them.
horrible? yes.
but you havent met my MIL, or the "wonderful gifts" she blesses us with.

tee-hee...that MAY have happened here too. actually, i have taken things to the thrift store. they were in new condition and probably useful to someone. she did ask me directly, what did you do with that such-in-such...and i lied. i NEVER lie...but i didnt' want to hurt her feelings...and so i told her it broke.

it so hard...both my ILs and my parents live in HUGE houses and love to shop for us. but they forget we live in a TINY house. sigh. so the decluttering continues.

[sapphire_chan]

Well, it's a shame to be wasteful, but that behavior would make me take a hammer to future knickknacks I didn't want.

[UberMama]

I like the the "adult toy" prank. Slightly OT but years ago my MIL came over to help us pack up the house and move. Well, she kept trying to get in our bedroom to help DH pack there. I kept telling her that him and I would do it (I'm very private about my bedroom, only DH, myself and the kids are allowed in). She edged her way into the room and I stood in the doorway watching.. and DH was moving a box and accidentally hit the cabinet that held our TV. The cabinet door came open and she saw his uh, collection of... videos.. I have NEVER seen anyone swivel on their foot and run out of a room that fast! (I should say that this was when our twins were just born, so it's not like we needed to hide anything quite yet..)

That said, back to the OP.. I am afraid of this happening. We get gifts all of the time that I do not want. But I am afraid to rid of them for fear of getting hounded with questions by.. MIL! UGH.

[dachshundqueen]

I've been caught numerous times.

I simply re-explain that I cannot live with clutter it makes me nuts, DH will vehemently agree point out that it is no fun to live with the highly irritable woman who cannot keep her house clean due to others gifting.

Liz

[doulawoman]

I can really relate to this, however over the years I'v gotten quite clear with people about what kinds of things we DO want... for our coming baby I made a very clear list with links to companies. Most people were relieved to be able to get us something we would like and use rather than guessing. Luckily my nosiest relatives live across the country, but even so they ahve begun giving money or consumables (homemade jam? yum, take that any day over spoons you've collected from scotlad and hershey's chocoloate factory) It's like...when I give a gift I let it go and usually make it clear it is their to do with as they like, if people are attached to STUFF they give you it isn't a true gift, it's an obligation, a business deal etc. I don't save them from their feelings. And then, if they find out I got rid of something, usually I explain eithe rI DID love it an wante someone else to be able to use it now that I'm not or it wasn't right for me and it opens doors to a much mroe honest relationship. It has actually helped my relationships in many ways, even if it;s a bit uncomfortable at first.

[SuzyLee]

DH's g'ma buys us stuff that she thinks we need- like a new cheese grater bc the kind we have is "wrong". WTH could possible be wrong with a cheese grater? I actually really love it- it is a nice one from a kitchen store?

Anyway, when she leaves we ask FIL (FIL brings her to our hosue) if he wants the stuff she bought or if we should donate it. He thinks it is hilarious.

Last time she bought:
-Cheese grater
-Soup pot (apparently all of ours were the wrong size???)
-New kitchen towels (No idea what was wrong with mine and the ones she bought didn't match)
-A light up gigantic santa decoration
-new soap (again, no idea what was wrong with our soap!)

All of it got donated the minute she left. I am going to be screwed when she visits us next, but I don't really care- I am not storing 2nd sets of crap just bc she prefers different things. It is my house for goodness sake!

Its a good thing SIL never visits us either since every toy she has ever bought for DS immeadiately gets returned. She has a knack for picking out the most annoying and craptastic toys in existance.

[starbright]

Ive been really clear with relatives about my stand on stuff and they still give me stuff so I don't really feel bad about getting rid of it. I already know I will pass along much of what my mil is giving my daughter this year, she keeps buying whatever is on clearance instead of things that my daughter can actually use/keep--there is no use arguing with her about it, every year she does this.

[Jackies Ladybug]

My MIL just informed my DH that a HUGE package is coming for us in the mail.
ugh... i casually mentioned that i need to get a new pot and pan set, i wanted triclad stainless steel ones because of the toxicity issue with teflon.
i know she cant afford the pots and pans i want, i am really really really hoping she didnt get us a cheapo teflon coated pot and pan set. i dont know if i can explain those away next time she's down. i'm mostly relieved its not a giant plastic kitchen for DD though since i casually mentioned i want to get her a really nice wood one.
does anyone elses relatives give close but no cigar gifts? its really frustrating and causes way more issues for me than the weird odd ball gifts that i can just hide away or donate and be done with.

[Juvysen]

Originally Posted by Jackies Ladybug

My MIL just informed my DH that a HUGE package is coming for us in the mail.
ugh... i casually mentioned that i need to get a new pot and pan set, i wanted triclad stainless steel ones because of the toxicity issue with teflon.
i know she cant afford the pots and pans i want, i am really really really hoping she didnt get us a cheapo teflon coated pot and pan set. i dont know if i can explain those away next time she's down. i'm mostly relieved its not a giant plastic kitchen for DD though since i casually mentioned i want to get her a really nice wood one.
does anyone elses relatives give close but no cigar gifts? its really frustrating and causes way more issues for me than the weird odd ball gifts that i can just hide away or donate and be done with.

Yes. My dad and his wife do this - and they CAN afford better (she's a lawyer and he makes nearly what she does), but they just buy cheap crap from walmart and pretend it's just as good. Ok, honestly, in their heads it *is* just as good - or better, because it was cheap. They're big on searching out the "deal", they just have a different definition of "deal" than I do, I guess. I'd rather do without than buy cheap junk, they'd rather have a house full of cheap junk than do without... even though they don't use most of it. to each his own, I guess, but it sucks when it's passed off to you when it's not your thing.

[itsrtimedownhere]

i like throwing the away crap my mil gives us. it's like a silent jab. ahhhhh satisfying.

[Manonash]

i'm mostly relieved its not a giant plastic kitchen for DD though since i casually mentioned i want to get her a really nice wood one.
does anyone elses relatives give close but no cigar gifts? its really frustrating and causes way more issues for me than the weird odd ball gifts that i can just hide away or donate and be done with.

Yup. we are quite familiar with this. It hasn't happened as much recently, and it happened more to DH when he was a kid than it has happened to DD. DH has many a childhood wound associated with Christmas and it often stems from something akin to this kind of gift-giving. Now, they just don't ask what my daughter wants and it's usually something that just needs donatin'. Usually something cheap and plastic, that there are much better versions of. Fortunately, they don't seem to notice or care that it's gone pretty quickly.

[VisionaryMom]

I found some things I gave my mom in her re-gifting box. I mean, really! She didn't even open them! It's not the first time. I caught her throwing away a gift I gave her *on* Christmas afternoon when I was about 12. Now I stick to things like massages that I know she enjoys.

We've gotten over being concerned. MIL had a tendency to buy us bunches of stuff from dollar stores, and DH finally told her to stop. It hurt her feelings, but she's stopped doing it.

[mi_amor]

A gift is yours once received, and you have the right to do whatever you please with it. I would have probably said the same thing in your situation. But the next time if this happened, I would say something like "Your gift was really thoughtful, and since we aren't able to use it (or don't really have space for it, etc.) I'm passing it on who someone who can use it. If you'd like it, you can take it."

MIL shouldn't make you feel guilty for getting rid of items that you don't love or don't suit a purpose in your home. If you kept everything you'd be drowing in clutter! And not everyone wants a million candle holders. I would pack the stuff back up and either throw it out or put it out for a freecycler to come pick up...hopefully she won't be the freecycler.

Oh and if she is nervy enough to ask about those items again, I would tell her that they're being put to good use and leave it at that. If she needs more explaination, she didn't really give you a gift.

[A&A]

Originally Posted by itsrtimedownhere

i like throwing the away crap my mil gives us. it's like a silent jab. ahhhhh satisfying.

[~Journey~]

Originally Posted by mommaof3boz

Seriously overstepping boundaries.

Maybe you should do a prank bag of "goodwill" and buy a vibrator to put in the bag. It will cure the nosey.

[~Journey~]

Originally Posted by nascarbebe

I've done this too. One time DH's grandma made a hideous Christmas decoration. It's a tree made out empty baby food jars and involves putting a Christmas light inside each one or something. DH's family are all hoarders and I was almost sick when she told me she had kept all those jars from when DH was a baby...35 years ago!!!

Coincidenatlly, I went to put it in the garage, dropped it and broke some of the jars. It was irrepairable, right? . So I HAD to toss out the whole thing.

Is moving an option for you? My SIL lives in the same town as all of them and gets stuck with all their stuff and they take inventory of what they gave you!

ROFL