Husband vs. Wife - Page 4

[Yulia_R]

Originally Posted by tammylsmith

erin, that is EXACTLY what happened to me in discussing circ with my husband. His point is that he doesn't remember the pain so it can't be that bad, right?

this argument just drives me nuts! ask any shrink and they will tell you that the pain/trauma that we don't remember is what mess us up the most. if we remember the root of our problems/fears/etc we can deal with it, but if we don't we can't. lots of people pay thousands of dollars to shrinks just to help them to remember a forgotten trauma that scarred them for life.

[glongley]

A previous thread on this same subject:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1075131

[4daughters]

Looking for some info on here to help someone out. Great Stuff. In this case it is the opposite the wife wants circumcision and the Dh does not. She told him he has no rights and the dr only needs her signature and the circumcision will be done. They are almost ready to divorce over it. Really crazy how she won't even inform herself before making the decision as her dh did. Her reasons are for her son's cleanliness. Any suggestions as to what the husbands rights are in the decision.

[Night_Nurse]

Originally Posted by 4daughters

... Her reasons are for her son's cleanliness. Any suggestions as to what the husbands rights are in the decision.

Well, if she is birthing in a US hospital, the husband could talk to both the OB and the pedi and say he doesn't want the baby circed, that he's not on board with that decision and wants more time to think about it. The doctors might not circ if they think both parents aren't sure, but I wouldn't hold my breath. They possibly would go ahead and circ if the mom wants it. It's sad, but that's how it often works.
If the guy is really serious about divorcing over it, he could contact a lawyer and see if there is anything that can be done to make sure both parents consent before non-medically necessary procedures. Hopefully it won't come to that. You always hate to see marriages on the rocks. Has the husband talked to his wife about why she feels the need to rush for a circ? Maybe if he explains there is no timeline and it can be done later in a pedi or urology office it might help. Maybe after she gets used to her son in his natural state and sees how easy intact care is she'll change her mind. Has the dh had her watch a circ video and research possible circ complications?
Hate to say it, but chances are high if the mama really wants it the son will indeed get circed.

[4daughters]

Thanks for the info, I will tell him to let the obg and ped know his feeling, who knows maybe they'll decide not to if he says he'll sue if they touch his penis! I know here in NJ if the nurses and dr's don't know if someone is opposed it just becomes routine. I feel so sad over it for him, I give him credit as a man to do his research and want to make a great decision for his son. But unfortunately She won't budge, and is making a decions not based on any info. Think it's more about control. The funny this is that he is intact and has never had any issues, as a wife think she should respect his opinion on it. Hopefully it won't come to him have to get a lawyer over it.

[WC_hapamama]

Originally Posted by Carlyle

Also, circ rates in California are SUPER low! So the "he'll get made fun of in the locker room" argument actually works in your favor...since most of his peers will not be circed.

I have 4 intact boys and live in the SF Bay Area. My oldest (12) is a 7th grader at a public middle school, and these days no one showers in the locker rooms at school, and the closest you come to seeing people naked is in their underpants.

My son has been teased about the type of underpants he wears, but not his status as an intact male.