unvaxed? who do you tell?

[moma justice]

hey ladies, let me say (again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) i am so thankful for the wisdom, info, and support that i have found here, i know it has saved my babe.
well, i am interested in doing a little survey: if your child is unvaxed, who do you tell?

after reading this sight almost daily for 6 months and defending my own opinion on vaxes to friends and family, i realize the sense of fear that many moms have.......not fear over diseases
but fear over people finding out that you don't vax.
some people are more private by nature, but i am not! yet, i find my self keeping this a big secret. yet i would have blindly vaxed my baby (even though i have had adverse reactions to my own childhood vaxes) because i thought i HAD to, it was the best chioce, i would be CRAZY not to, if i wouldn't have heard another mom defend her choice not to vax. after just 6 months of research i am firm that i would be crazy TO vax.
but, if i had not heard one brave moma speak up once (and be publicly shot down, angrily, by others) that she was not vaxing, there was no need, i wound have never known any difference.
she started me down the road of natural mothering that i feel so passionatly about now. (i thought she was nuts at the time, but she planted the seed...)

if i don't talk about it, how will any other moms even know it is an option? how will mass public dissent spark new laws and mandates that put people OVER profit?

if you are asked straight up, "how did she handle her shots?" or whatever;......... OR if you just feel compelled to start the conversation "oh my, vaxing is so dangerous, listen to what i've learned!"

1 do you tell your family, or dh's?
we have told my mom, and one sister who has kids and vaxes so we don't talk about it much, we LIE to dh's family.

2 do you tell your best friends that aren't mothers? NO (only one, who is a "hippy chick")

3 best friends that are mommas? mention it cautiously, because they are vaxing

4 people in your playgroup? no, only one who has a subscription to mothering mag, she vaxed anyway

5 random people of the general public? sometimes.

just curious!
i think i am going to start being a little more vocal......i want to start more motion in the ocean!

[Evergreen]

My family knows, my friends (esp. those who do not vax) know. If people ask, or say something like "When did Dylan have her polio shot?" I tell them we don't vaccinate. Also I have a ton of vax books, so that often spurs converstions.
I did attempt to give her IPV and HIB at 10 and 12 months, but she had a bad reaction to HIB at 12 months, so I have a personal story attached to why I do not vaccinate. People tend to be much more 'forgiving' if your child has had a reaction already. Plus I back up my choice with lots of facts, usually they just want to shut me up about it and change the subject :LOL

[sohj]

I tell anyone who asks.

And sometimes, if it seems totally appropriate to the way the conversation is going, I will throw it in there without nyone asking. I try not to do it in a combative way.

I'm not afraid of opening my mouth about it anymore. I was a bit at first as I had a pretty strange experience with the birth and found myself on the receiving end of some uninvited calls from a social worker. But, I was lucky and had been recommended to a peadiatrician who is fairly anti-vax (and who is at a well-respected clinic here in NYC) who was completely behind my then-not-yet-exhaustively-researched position.

Now, I've been doing more research and have lots of statistics to toss out if people claim that I'm responding to "fear-mongering" on the Internet. As I'm a civil engineer and am not frightened of reading technical journal articles, medical journals don't intimidate me. And, most of the people out there who you will meet who are pro-vax haven't read the journal articles, either. Whether pro or con.

Get your ducks in a row (as our Fairy Godmother once said on these boards) and you'll be fine.

[mom2tig99Nroo03]

only a few people in my circle of friends know, most of them ar ein my league group,.

[padomi]

You know, I usually don't tell unless I think the person LIKE ME would probably want to know the real story but has probably never thought about it. I WISH someone had put a bug in my ear earlier. So whenever I have a friend who has a baby and I think that friend is the type of person to question things and want to know the FACTS rather than just blindly trust doctors and do what everyone else does (i.e. a person who ISN'T a sheep), then I simply tell them "You know, there's more to it than meets the eye - I recommend you look into it before you decide anything." And if they ask, I will point them in the right direction. If not, then I shut up.

My family knows and they support us 100%. Dh's family doesn't really agree with us, but they keep their mouths shut about it.

Anyway, whenever a friend has a baby, my gift to them is ALWAYS a subscription to Mothering Magazine. So they're gonna read about it eventually anyway!!! :LOL

[hvl25]

I don't really tell anyone as I feel its none of their business. My parents know and my sister knows. No one in DH's family knows. I only really have 3 close friends and they all know. 2 vax and 1 doesn't. I am always afraid someone will turn me in for not vaxing.

[AnnMarie]

Re: unvaxed? who do you tell?

Originally posted by moma justice
1 do you tell your family, or dh's?

My family knows, and I believe that MIL knows, but I don't know if either of us have spoken to his sister about it.

2 do you tell your best friends that aren't mothers?

I don't have any friends that aren't mothers. :LOL Most people know that we don't vaccinate.

3 best friends that are mommas?

Yup.

4 people in your playgroup?

Never had a playgroup, but if I did I probably wouldn't say anything unless the topic came up.

5 random people of the general public?

I have, if the topic comes up, but not very often. The only time this usually happens is with the medical community, so I guess that wouldn't really be general public after all. :

[Gitti]

I hand out little cards to any pregnant mother or families with babies that I see ANYWHERE.

The cards have two of my favorite anti-vax and on the other side two anti-circ sites on them.

So it depends on whether it's for the preg mom or the family, which side I hand them, but I always say, here are some sites you should REALLY check out to make the best decisions for your baby.

I've only had one person grab it and walk away, and one father look at it an sigh, all the other responses have been positive and several times I've met women who say "I am familiar with these sites" and that always makes my day.

To date I've handed out about 150! and I will continue to do so wherever I go, all the time, every chance I get, unceasingly, relentlessly...

:LOL :LOL :LOL

[pilesoflaundry]

A few people know, a couple of friends that know because of Daria's reaction. And a few family members that have brought up "oh how did the shot's go?.." If someone asks I will tell but I don't announce it otherwise. Too many people don't understand kwim? If I lived in a more crunchy area and it was more common I might talk about it more.

[muldey]

Re: unvaxed? who do you tell?

Originally posted by moma justice


1 do you tell your family, or dh's?
I'm an only child,and my parents know and agree with me for the most part.Dh's family may know,we're not too sure.We don't see them very often.They all vax,circ,etc.Very mainstream.

2 do you tell your best friends that aren't mothers?

Most of our friends know,because of all the crap we went through with CPS.

3 best friends that are mommas?
Yes.They all chose to vax(I think they think I am a little nuts).

4 people in your playgroup?

NO WAY would I have told the parents in the playgroup ds was in.They were all mainstreamers whose kids were on all kinds of meds.Most of their older kids were on ADHD drugs.They thought I was a complete nut for having a homebirth and homeschooling,and one mother actually went to lengths to keep her ds away from mine.I have left that group.

5 random people of the general public?

I really haven't had the opportunity to do this,but I would.

[applejuice]

RE: not vaccinating my children or myself...

Do you tell your family?

I was never vaxed, so my family already knows.

..or dh's?...

NO!

...best friends who are not mothers?

NO! None of their business.

...best friends who are mothers?

NO! Not unless they mention it first and seem to be agreeable or open to discussing not vaxing their children or have some honest concerns.

...people in my playgroup?

I recall the question of vaccinating came up in the mid-1980's on a "60 Minutes" presentation, and the program was totally flamed in the discussion in my weekly Mommy'N'Me class in Parent Education. I kept quiet, watched, and listened as one mother after another lead by the teacher continuously complained how dangerous it was not to vaccinate your child and how could a program as "60 Minutes" decide to air such drivel....No room for any other opinion here. (silence!)

...random people?

Are you kidding?
NO!

I grew up a pariah. I have no intention of being one now. It is no one's business. I am healthy. My children are healthy. That is all any one care should about anyway.

If they even care.

As I have stated in other threads, I have never been vaxed, nor have my sibs nor have my children. I have been yelled at by school officials and by doctors who threaten to do things to me that I know they cannot legally do, yet the threat is still there.
These officials are supposed to know what they are talking about; yet they are ignorant, but they have the power to threaten and berate mothers and their children. I do remember seeing fellow classmates with braces on their legs from polio, and I know of three classmates who died from brain tumors in their early twenties and two childhood friends who died after a long struggle with multiple sclerosis. All of these I believe to be vaccine related, but I cannot prove it.

[teniprice]

Pretty much everyone I know knows that I don't vax. :LOL I am very open about it and I try to inform people who would otherwise just go along with what their drs. told them. It hurts me when I talk with people about vaxes and then they vax their child/ren, but I can't do more than tell them what I know. Most parents that do vax are just scared of the "what if's" and I can understand that but I know that the "what if's" of getting the vaxes are just as bad so I choose not to vax. I'm sure people think I'm crazy, but while they are out fighting ear infections every month and their kids are living on antibiotics, my kids are home taking their Vitamin C. I think most parents that vax don't see the relation between the vaxes and the constant sickness. Their drs. tell them it's not related so why should they think it is? Most of them don't want to research vaxes because then they'd have to make a decision for themselves. Going with the group is easy...it's listening to yourself that is hard.

[moma justice]

wow, lots of different responses....i would love to hear more!
since first posting this i have gotten more vocal, with positive results....infact i have found lots of moms who also don't vax! surprising for such a conservative town!
anyone else want to share?
thanks,
sarah

[menudo]

It's weird for me. Many know, many do not. I fear my parents knowing. They are very pro anything medical. My Mom has real and fake illnesses daily-sees an average of 3 Docs a week. No lie, she mainly sees mainstream but has gone t onaturopaths, homeopaths, chiropractors-but blows off their advice as it isnot a pill or shot! No way-diet change? Allergy w/o miracle pill cure? NEVER! ugh, my Dad (in ignorance) once commented to the very anti medical crap-openly anti-vax chiropractor that he (luaghing) knowsmy Mom keeps the Pharmas in business. It is sad. Needless to say-the ythink people like us are ignorant and out there. I just don't trust them with this information althoughI once said I had "my own schedule" when DS was an infant-just to ee the reaction. Well, it was only my Mom who was surprised that was "allowed".

Anyway, several "friends" do not vax, so the ydon't know. In my eagerness I shard with childhood friends, who were interested but one said "Don't tell me more, you are scaring me. I'd rather not know". She has a son with a lifelong illness...hmmm... The other friend I told was becoming very receptive and refused HEp B at birth for her 3rd son. Not sure what has been done since but as I was leading her towards book, etc. since her middle son hasbeen ill since birth-he almost died of "a rare unkown immunodefeciency". I think she is a little bitter now that she sees I was right and as a Mama has guilt, but shouldn't. the list of medical wrong doings to this lil boys is DISGUSTING . She was a sheep and so regrets it-I feel for her. I am lending her Mendelsons book asap, she said ok.

Then there was the relative I almost old but was glad I didn't-she works for a pharma in relation to getting all kids vaxed!!

Then the old friend who tells me she hada baby but he began having seizures sudenly. it sounded like a scenario I read about that same week with Prevnar, so I kindly said" Friend, did your DS have a Doc appt. or vax that day or right before?" she turned pale"Yes, Prevnar-but it is just coincidenc, ALL the Doctors told me so!!!!!!!! (She too is an RN). I explained I had read that wasa side effect of Prevnar and it is worth looking into." I wanted to drop it, she was so upset, her worst fears true. I decied to share" I no longer vax after DD had a rare illness which may have been vax caused and have been doing MUCH research. Ti is worth checking out. She flipped"no way, I would never take that risk. Your DD was the rare exception." I left it. I see her often and she avoids me-yet it was such a weird event. I truly feel what I said was meant for her to be heard...

Anyway, I generally stay private now. Oh and my sisters best friend is a microbioligist who helps in making vaccines. Imentionmed looking into it and she was trying to have her friend call me to prove why all anti-vax literature is BS.

[Heavenly]

I have told all of my family including aunts and uncles. Its my choice and I know none of them will turn us in to CPS or anything. I have told my best friends, mothers and non-mothers. Tried to educate my one friend when she was pregnant and she believed me but said she didn't want to fight the doctors so she did it anyways. I have been trying to convince my sister to never vax again as her daughter is autistic and I strongly believe it was caused by the MMR. I don't tell people at playgroup, well one of the woman is somewhat of a friend and it somehow came out in conversation with her but she's fine with it. I kind of live in a hippy part of the province (Ontario). I don't tell the general public. my doctor knows obviously (we have general practioners here so my kids would see my doctor if they were vaccinated). But I outright lie if I have to take them to the ER. I had to take Olivia twice, once for an allergic reaction and once she fell off the change table. Both times it was mentioned (although I have no idea why because it wasn't pertinent to the situation) and I outright lied and said she was up to date with her shots. And I took Elijah a couple times for ear infections and a serious flu and I lied then too. I don't feel guilty about it because I am doing what I feel I need to do to protect my family from unnecessary trouble. I too feel scared that the wrong person will find out and turn me into CPS. But in Ontario you are legally allowed to do what you want. Of course that wouldn't stop them from trying to stir up trouble.

[AbisMom]

This whole subject makes me laugh!! Dh goes along with me - he says "I trust your judgement", so he would never engage in conversation outside the home!

My parents live in a different state, and always say something to the effect of "You know it has to happen one of these days right?"! My mom works in a doctors office, and mentions as often as she can that several kids in his practice end up getting "10 15 shots" in one visit when it comes time for their school physical.

I live in a very conservative area, and even mentioning the fact that we don't vaccinate can start riots, so we keep quite. My LLL group is pretty open to a lot of ideas, but even there I would be a bit weary - it just isn't really accepted around here! :

That is why I am so thankful to have you all - at least there is one place I can go where I don't feel like a total freak (and loner!).

Thanks Again!

[love2all]

I would and do tell anyone who asks. My dd goes to a public charter school where over 30 % of the under 10 kids are unimmunized. We are almost the majority, certainly not a big minority.

[TigerTail]

i have things happen like my mil saying, 'did you know vax are awful? read this!' and can say, 'uh,...' (also got my biomom saying, 'you know i don't want to be offensive because of your dh's cultural heritage, but circing...' got it covered!)

people who don't share my philosophy get it when i am in the mood or have the time, but i don't feel obligated to educate the world *all* the time (not with two toddlers.)

suse

[Sasha_girl]

My immediate family knows (mother, brother, and best friend), but my cousins and aunts would probably twitch if they knew my children were so dangerous to theirs. : DH's immediate family knows; he has no extended family.

If anyone asks I tell them the truth in as concise a way possible (I hate when people talk my ear off about causes that I don't find particularly interesting, so I try not to do the same). If they are interested I'll give more info, if not I simply state that we don't vax.

I have found that it is a convenient way of getting out of a conversation with a competitive-mom type at the park.

"Look! Our sons are a week apart! Mine can walk, talk, and drive at five months. How did your son do with his shots?"

"We don't vaccinate."

Shocked expression, then anger mixed with fear as what I've said sinks in. "Oh. Well, we must be going."

[DesireeH]

1 do you tell your family, or dh's?
My parents know and agree with our decision, dh's family knows but they dont know enough about it to dispute it but I think they think I am a nut.....oh well! They would never "turn me in" or something though.

2 do you tell your best friends that aren't mothers?
Yes, some of them might become mothers in the near future and I definately want to instill in them the need to DO THIER RESEARCH!

3 best friends that are mommas? A few I have told....actually most of them, I have a big mouth

4 people in your playgroup? We dont do the playgroup thing, went once but it was a bunch of mainstreamers that drove me crazy! LOL Definately didnt tell them!

5 random people of the general public? No, although I did see a woman from our childbirth class last week and our babes are 17 months now and she was asking me a million questions and one was "how does he do for shots?" so I told her "we dont vaccinate" and she was totally appalled and I realized I should have just said "fine."