S/O What's it like to have your 3rd child?

[NicaG]

We're debating a third, and I'm not sure I'm up to the challenge. Tell me all about it!

[sahmmie]

I read somewhere that women are most likely to have a nervous breakdown after their third baby! But don't let that scare you. I had three and I'm the nervous type, but still I survived. It was tough though. I won't kid you. My oldest was 3.5 and my middle child had just turned 2 when my third was born. I think a lot depends on the years apart in age of your children and also on the help and support you do or do not get. I had no support because my family lives on the other side of the country and my dh was no help at all.

Good luck with your decision.

[InMediasRes]

Wanting but waiting.

[confustication]

I have an 8 year old, a 17 month old and a 3 month old. I love it- so far. I love watching the older two interact, and I am fascinated by watching my 17 month old learn to interact with the youngest.

They're all very different, and it would be MUCH harder if #2 weren't the easiest kid I have ever met- really.

[Collinsky]

Honestly, having my third was WAY easier than adding the second - and my 2nd was a super easy laid-back baby, and my 3rd had awful colic until he was four months old and was my neediest baby for that whole first year.

Then again, I'm having my fifth soon, so it's possible that on one of those colicky nights I had that nervous breakdown sahmmie mentioned, and I just don't realize I'm nuts.

But in seriousness, I was a little worried before having my third, since having the two had knocked me for a loop. I definitely think that being prepared for the fact that some situations can be difficult and that you'll have to figure it out as you go is very helpful. Going into it thinking that it's all roses all the time is like ... well, like having one baby and expecting that. It's not. But just like each of the first two have their own personalities and gifts that they bring, the third brings a whole other dynamic, and it is so much fun to see that develop and the interaction of these three (and now four) amazing little individuals who are so deeply connected.

ETA since others mentioned spacing, mine are all about 20 mos apart in age.

[Mizelenius]

Easier than having a 4th? j/k! (Well, sort of!)

ITA with sahmmie that the age difference makes a huge difference, as do the personalities of your current children. I think it's hard having 3 ages 4 and under, but so many people seem to have 3 ages 3 and under, so . . .it could always be harder.

My sister, mom to 5 and wanting one more eventually, says-- don't think about having another BABY. Think about having another PERSON in your family. So true. Even though the early years seem to last forever, they really don't (sniff, sniff). Like my sis says, imagine one more person you love at family parties, hanging out, etc.

I think timing is important more than the # of children.

[WC_hapamama]

Making the jump from 1 to 2 is a lot more difficult than the jump from 2 to 3. Age spacing does matter though. My first two are 23 months apart, and there are 3-4 years between my 3rd-5th.

[Tizzy]

Everyone I've talked to IRL has said that 1-2 is a lot harder than 2-3 and it's all much easier after 3. And this was mostly within a couple months of them having their 3rd so the concept was still new to them

I'm hoping they're right because the jump from 1 to 2 was difficult for us. It could have been much worse, and really the first 4 months were pretty easy - he slept a lot like his brother.
I also felt the HUGE adjustment was because I just assumed that two boys would be so similar. I had one boy, I was comfortable with him and figured the 2nd would be just the same. But they are completely opposite children lol!
So I feel that with #3, I will be more prepared for anything and more flexible with my expectations.

[Drummer's Wife]

I honestly don't recall it being that much harder -- but he was an easy baby, so that makes a difference, I'm sure. Yeah, you are outnumbered, but really, it wasn't difficult when he was little. Now (though, I have four) that they are older, it's busier and more challenging for me b/c while they play together well for the most part - they have their moments and it's harder to meet everyone's needs at the same time. But I think that's true with two kids as well - really, multiple children in general are going to be more work than 1. Going from 2-3 wasn't bad, and 3-4 wasn't either, for us.

[Red Pajama]

We had twins the first time around, so adding a third was a piece of cake.
Benefits-- you've already got all the baby stuff, and you're practically an expert. However, you are now outnumbered with three. Finding babysitters is harder (I only use adult relatives or sibling pairs to babysit). Grocery bills and eating out become more expensive (heck, everything is more expensive).

But it's a joyful time! I'm very content with three.

[hempmama]

In terms of difficulty, I'm with the majority that it was much, much easier adding the third than the second. I have a 5.5 yo, new 4 yo, and 17 month old, and I would say we are probably near the end of the most difficult period, which was still easier than early toddlerhood (and definitely newbornhood) with my second. My third is also very mellow and sunny, though, and slept through the night effortlessly since she was about 2 days old. I know that has a lot to do with it, but even if she was harder I think it's a lot easier to add kids than to go to multiple kids in the first place.

In terms of our family structure, there is more depth in a way that is impossible to explain. I think the analogy that works best for me is the difference between feeling like our family was an organism and an ecosystem (and I know in some ways there is no difference). I love the different subgroups- me and the girls, me and the little ones, dad with the big two, and on and on. 2 certainly felt complete for us, but this is richer.

[MamaMelis]

I can't really honestly answer as I am only pregnant with my 3rd (due in may) but I feel like after mothering/nursing/birthing/ two babies very recently I could pretty much just tuck this baby in my pocket and go at this point

Going from 1-2 I spent a lot of time worried about how I could love another being like I loved my first. This pregnancy, I just feel joy knowing that I am about to get to experience the multiplication of love yet again!

[cappuccinosmom]

In practical terms, it wasn't difficult at all. I knew what I was doing by that time. That helped. And my third was by far my quietest and most content baby.

However, to be perfectly honest, it took me about a year to feel like I had my feet firmly under me again. For some reason, adding the third child made stuff like getting shoes on, getting in and out of the car, etc take exponentially longer. Doesn't make any sense mathematically but that's how it worked out for me. Of course, the ages of my older two at that time were such that they still needed *alot* of help with that stuff. Now they can mostly do shoes and jackets by themselves, and are in boosters that they can buckle themselves, so it's a lot easier.

Oh, and in spite of that difficulty, I wouldn't give my third up for the world. He was an *awesome* addition to our family, totally worth any extra work. I have thought about it a lot and it is my belief that we would be seriously lacking in a negative way without the kid. He brought some joy and tenderness to our family that was desperately needed.

[Mizelenius]

I want to add-- IME, it was WAY easier adding a 2nd vs. a 3rd. It's only 2 people versus 3. 2 children were so . . .portable. My sister (she has 5) says that she doesn't understand how people can say, "After ____ number of children, it's all the same." Every person requires a lot!

[Funny Face]

:

As if my baby fever isn't bad enough already you guys are making a 3rd child actually sound feasible!


Someone said recently to not think of it as adding a baby to the way things are now but think of it like adding an older child. Right now I have a 4 yo and a 1 yo. If we add another baby I'd have a 6 yo, 3yo and a baby. That makes a big difference in what I visualize.

[dantesmama]

This thread is reassuring - my third is due tomorrow and I was desperately trying to block out all the bad memories of going from 1 to 2! I feel a bit better now.

[Peony]

Originally Posted by Mizelenius

I want to add-- IME, it was WAY easier adding a 2nd vs. a 3rd. It's only 2 people versus 3. 2 children were so . . .portable. My sister (she has 5) says that she doesn't understand how people can say, "After ____ number of children, it's all the same." Every person requires a lot!

Exactly. 2 to 3 was a piece of cake for me, granted DS is a easy child. I think one of the hardest transitions from 1-2 is learning how to divide your attention , you've already got that figured out when #3 arrives. 2 children are so portable, things are easier as a family, each adult has a child and off you go, not the same when there is an extra child. Going to the store with 2 kids is still doable, going with 3 means someone is always into something.


I think life with 3 is just busier then 2 but my life isn't that much crazier. There is less time in the day to do things, the little bit of me time I did get before is certainly gone now. #3 is almost 8 months, I'm now finding myself waking up at ungodly hours in the morning just to do laundry, cook, etc... because I can't get it all done otherwise.

Finding sitters is rough, DH and I don't go out on date nights but I need to attend meetings/conferences now and then. I end up dividing the kids because no one besides my mom and I can handle them all at once. When I do leave all 3 then I might send the oldest to a friend's house and leave the two younger ones home, and I have been known to hire a babysitter to help DH with all 3 when I'm gone.

This doesn't apply to all families, but I thought I'd throw it out there. Dh has had a ROUGH transition from 2 to 3. I just recently realized why. Before with the 4 of us, there was one adult per kid, and he would take DD1 out alone all the time but never both the kids until the end of my pg. DD2 and DS are only 2.5 years apart so she wasn't ready to be away from momma until recently, I was always around to assist. He never had to learn how to divide his attention until #3 came along, he is just now going through what I went through from 1 to 2. Poor Dh is not handling it well, he has a very difficult time taking 2 kids anywhere alone, and not to mention the fighting...

[NoraC]

We have three who are now 7, 5, and 4. I found that it was harder emotionally adding the second child compared to the third but harder logistically adding the third compared to adding the second.

When our second was born, I felt very guilty about not giving him the time that his big sister had had with me and I felt guilty about leaving my oldest to do things more on her own while i was nursing the second or trying to get him down for a nap or what have you.

When our third came along, I didn't have that kind of guilt about her not getting as much individual attention that her big sister had. However, I did find things like bedtime and getting ready to go out was just so much more complicated!

However, it's been easier as they have gotten older and they (for the most part) are good friends with each other.

[hempmama]

See, I was just going to reply to Mizelanius that it's true each new person requires a lot, but what they require isn't hard for me to give except for the second one. For us, 1-2 was difficult because we were learning to deal with multiple kids, get multiple kids out the door, prioritize needs. With 3, we were just continuing to do that. I expected it to be so hard at first, since it was so hard after number 2, and it really wasn't. Much easier than being pregnant with two little kids around.

I have a friend with 3 the exact same ages as mine who found the third hard to add, though. Her first was extremely high needs, and so she was so surprised and relieved by her second's babyhood not being basically traumatic for her that she ended up disappointed when the third wasn't such a breath of fresh air.

[Swandira]

I found it relatively easy going from two to three, but I had a serious bout of PPD after my second was born. My second baby was a shrieking, high-strung colic-monster from the moment she was born until she was about 9 months old. She's still pretty sensitive, actually, at 3 1/2. My third baby is a very mild-tempered little guy. Not much seems to upset him, and he didn't have half the digestive issues his big sister had.

The big difference I'm seeing with three kids versus two is the time it takes to get places. I used to be fairly punctual, but now I'm always late wherever I go. Oh, well -- it's a small price to pay for 50% more love in my life!

If it matters, both pairs of kids are spaced about 3 years -- a little over for the first two, and a little under for the second two.

Good luck with your choice!

Nealy
mama to Thales, 12/02; Lydia, 2/06; and Odin, 12/08