venting - family / friends who demand a name

[Catubodua]

demand is probably too strong of a word, but i am so sick and tired of everyone asking about what the baby's name will be every.single.time.i.see.them.

we haven't decided yet, but people don't seem to believe us. on top of that, i've told most folks flat out that even once we've decided we're not telling anyone until after he's born. i don't want to hear any of their comments on likes or dislikes or stupid comments like "ewww, don't name him xxx, that's the same name as my exboyfriend / the kid who picked his nose in 2nd grade / my horrible stepdad."

you should see the looks of horror i sometimes get when i say we're not going to share anyway.


you will find out his name when we're good and ready to tell you - deal with it!

[weliveintheforest]

I hear ya! Very annoying.

[Jelinifer]

People will always have an opinion regarding the whole baby thing- and apparently us being pg makes it perfectly okay to make sure we know their opinion.

We have both boy and girl names picked out which we have shared and no one has said much either way.... but many people seem to very upset (and are more than happy to let us know how they feel) that we haven chosen not to find out the sex of the baby before birth.

[Astraia]

Yeah, I've gotten the same from some people- like my mother, who got into a right snit when I said we weren't telling the name.

We didn't tell anyone with our daughter. I feel like there should be some surprise- they know I'm pregnant, when I'm due, and the gender. They don't want ANYTHING to be a surprise?!? And how does it affect you if you don't know the name? It's my kid, what's it to you- really?

Some family is very understanding. Other family not so much. Really annoying.

And we still haven't 100% settled on the name anyway. I don't want to tell people as we keep adjusting and making changes.

[SeattleRain]

Originally Posted by Catubodua

demand is probably too strong of a word, but i am so sick and tired of everyone asking about what the baby's name will be every.single.time.i.see.them.

we haven't decided yet, but people don't seem to believe us. on top of that, i've told most folks flat out that even once we've decided we're not telling anyone until after he's born. i don't want to hear any of their comments on likes or dislikes or stupid comments like "ewww, don't name him xxx, that's the same name as my exboyfriend / the kid who picked his nose in 2nd grade / my horrible stepdad."

you should see the looks of horror i sometimes get when i say we're not going to share anyway. you will find out his name when we're good and ready to tell you - deal with it!

I can TOTALLY relate. For religious reasons, Dh and I don't prepare anything for the baby until its birth including naming the baby. People can't believe that we haven't already named the baby, or bought all kinds of equipment. As if babies automatically NEED things in the first 24 hours. A name is a VERY personal thing and don't let anyone try to take that away from you!!

[Tizzy]

With DS2 we got a LOT of name questions and advice around Christmas time (when we were visiting all of our friends and family) because it was right after the u/s and we knew it was a boy.
So instead of fending them off, we welcomed them to brainstorm with us. When the dreaded name question would come up, we'd say "Actually, we haven't decided on anything, have any suggestions??" Some would totally shrug it off while others found it to be great fun. We'd sit there and veto name after name or write some down that were the style we liked. I don't think we used any of the suggested names, but it was a lot of fun!

[SandyBeachBums]

We didn't tell many people especially with this one. We pick unique names and I didn't want anyone to steal them I told people that, too.

[Headmeister]

We chose to find out the gender when we were pg with my DD, but because I was afraid that people would criticize the name we picked, we also chose not to share the name. When people seemed a little bent out of shape about it, I simply said, "well, we've taken the surprise out of knowing what we're having, so to keep some element of surprise still in it for friends and family, we've decided to keep the name a secret until she's born". For some reason, no one ever gave us any problems with that explanation and even said, "Oh, what a great idea!". When my daughter Georgia was born, no one even blinked at her name because how do to scoff at a name while you're holding a gorgeous newborn? lol...

This time around, we're keeping BOTH the gender a surprise and the name under wraps!

[Chryseis]

We keep names to ourselves. We also don't really name the baby beforehand. We just go into it with a list. I don't feel comfortable naming anybody I haven't met yet.

During my first pregnancy we had shared a list of names with our parents. Just a small list in random conversations. Well, my MIL got very stuck on one of the names. She was actually going to get it put on a gift. Fortunately she called us to check the spelling of the name right before she did it and we told her that it was just a name on a list. Good thing she didn't get it put on anything, we named our daughter something entirely different.

Then, once we'd named our daughter what we named her, we got so many crappy comments on some of the other names we had liked. Kind of offensive, considering that maybe we would be using one of them again sometime (as a matter of fact, there's a strong possibility that we will be using one of those names this time around).

[Tizzy]

Oh! I forgot about that, you reminded me Chryseis
We told MIL some names we were thinking of with DS1 and she told me a few days later "Oh, well I like **** so that's what I'm calling him!" DH and I were like WHAT?!

We didn't use that name for various other reasons and I had actually forgotten about that incident until now

[MissMommyNiceNice]

Didn't you know that the simple fact that you are pregnant makes your entire life history an open book for anyone to ask you any questions including street people? Seriously, I had a street person interogate me for 15 minutes about my life & pregnancy at my market stand a week or so ago.

I agree with pp that said I find more people are horrified we didnt' find out the sex. Well, a little less so this time around, but last time was awful.

Random lady I've never met before at a party: "what do you mean you don't know? What color are you going to paint the nursery?"

Me: "Oh, I think we'll wait for elementary school to brand society's gender role assignments into the baby!"

[caro113]

Originally Posted by SeattleRain

I can TOTALLY relate. For religious reasons, Dh and I don't prepare anything for the baby until its birth including naming the baby. People can't believe that we haven't already named the baby, or bought all kinds of equipment. As if babies automatically NEED things in the first 24 hours. A name is a VERY personal thing and don't let anyone try to take that away from you!!

Aside from a car seat (to do the shopping) and a onesie or two and some diapers, yeah. Babies don't need anything for quite some time. Oh, you might want a sling in the first 24 hours, too, if you are going to walk around and want to use it.

My mother wouldn't stop pressing for a name with DD either. I told her several times we didn't know, even though we did and just didn't want her negative reaction. She kept insisting that we either name the baby Lydia Paige or Rebecca. What's wrong with those names? For as long as I can remember, she had made sure I knew that she wanted to name me Lydia Paige and my father's family decided I would be named after my father's maternal grandmother. (Sadly, I know that's true. Her name was Caroline Nolan. There are several Carolines and several Nolans in the family. It's annoying.) She was relentless with her insistence on using that name. And Rebecca is because that's her name. Umm, no. I'm not naming my child after you.

I feel for you. The only thing I can say is to come up with an equally annoying question and ask it every time they ask you. Ya know, the same way women grab others people's breasts or butts for randomly roughing their pregnant bellies. Something like "when are you going to cut your hair?" or something just as personal. At least that's what I would do.

[busymama77]

Originally Posted by Catubodua

demand is probably too strong of a word, but i am so sick and tired of everyone asking about what the baby's name will be every.single.time.i.see.them.

we haven't decided yet, but people don't seem to believe us. on top of that, i've told most folks flat out that even once we've decided we're not telling anyone until after he's born. i don't want to hear any of their comments on likes or dislikes or stupid comments like "ewww, don't name him xxx, that's the same name as my exboyfriend / the kid who picked his nose in 2nd grade / my horrible stepdad."

you should see the looks of horror i sometimes get when i say we're not going to share anyway.


you will find out his name when we're good and ready to tell you - deal with it!

So there with ya, mama. It really irritated me when I told our family that we weren'te telling them until the baby was born and then my mom had the audacity to say "well, what if I want to get somethign personalized for him?" Well, you're just gonna have to wait until after he's born.

With DS, we told everyone the name as soon as we found out what we were having. Nothing was kept a secret and we would like to at least give it a try to keep this a secret. It's not an unusual name by any means. In fact, it's a family name and that's one of the reasons why we wanted to keep it a secret - to surprise our FAMILY!!!

[jillmamma]

Yeah, we are doing the same thing. People already know its a girl, and we actually I think have narrowed down the probable first name, but not the middle yet, and think that telling the name after birth is a cool surprise and way to annouce the birth. Plus, you don't have to hear dumb comments about whatever name you choose. MIL is begging me to decide on something so that she can order a stocking with the baby's name from Pottery Barn Kids for next year when they go on clearance. She is worried they will be gone.

[BeeBliss]

It's an apple and a computer!

My husband and I got so tired of everyone asking about baby names too (my mom asks every single phone call!). We decided to pick a "distraction name" so people would leave us alone and now we just say "Macintosh" any time anyone asks. "Perfect for a boy or a girl! But this may change when we meet the baby face to face." And of course, it will change...

I do like Headmeister's suggestion of "we've decided to keep the name a secret until she's born." Hopefully people will respect your wishes and stop inquiring!

[IamCoupongirl]

With dd3, we just kept saying "Oprah."

[Bokonon]

Originally Posted by IamCoupongirl

With dd3, we just kept saying "Oprah."

LOL - to horrify the Republican ILs, we told them if DD was a boy, we were going to name her Barack.

[_betsy_]

We also picked "distraction names" - we kept coming up with names that were very strongly one ethnicity or another - ethnicities we don't belong to, of course! Most of them got a laugh and got our point across, some made FIL irate (Privately, I was all about that!).

[Sprouterific]

SIL named her nephew the same name as the dog, then changed the dog's name. So our joke is we'll name the baby after our bird, then change the bird's name. We're not finding out the gender or sharing names (or really even set on a name until we see him or her), and it's driving everyone nuts. My favorite comment so far is, "Oh, you'll change your mind and want to find out by the end of your pregnancy."

[Snapdragon]

we just tell people that we are going to wait to meet the baby to choose the name- which is true as we have no names yet. But yeah- other people cna be really annoying! It is none of their business!