Preschool - HELP!

[Picturesque]

DS will be 3 in January. I recently began taking him to a two morning/week preschool program at a local church. I have not enrolled him yet, we are paying by the day and are trying to decide what is best. I'm hoping that this will be a positive socialization experience for him, but it is not necessary, as I am a SAHM. However, I'm having difficulty assessing whether it is a good thing or not and how to integrate it with our AP values.

DS is very verbal and clearly expresses his desire for me not to leave him. He is sad when I go, but always has a wonderful time and is excited about the morning's activities when I pick him up. It really goes against my AP practices to date to leave a crying child; however, I don't want to deprive him of a good experience if this is normal. Also, over the weekend, DS repeatedly told me that he didn't want to go to preschool this week and has said over and over that he doesn't want to go by himself. But, again, this is at odds with his behavior and excitement immediately after each school morning. How do I determine whether to stick this out and hope that his outlook becomes more consistently positive, or honor what he is saying about not wanting to go?

[physmom]

Could there be something more going on there? Maybe he's not getting along with a kid there? Is the work there too easy/too hard for him? Can you ask if it's because he misses you or because he doesn't like going at all? What if you try reminding him about the fun he had there or even take a picture of the exciting things he did there and show it to him when he says he doesn't want to go, would that change his mind?

I guess, the best thing to do is follow your gut and if it's not a good fit there is not reason to go (playdates, classes with you, etc can more than make up for the socialization) but I'd probably try and see first what the specific reason is that he doesn't want to go.

[tbone_kneegrabber]

Well preschool is not by "choice" for us we need ds to be somewhere while I am at school and dp is at work. That being said he started out great and didn't cry at all, then I transitioned to school fulltime instead of part time (he was still only going 2 days a week and I was mostly going at night) and he started crying every morning at drop off. Heart wrenching sobbing "no class mama" "mama no leave" the whole bit. Fast forward to the end of the semseter and he's totally fine again.

a friend told me that it takes kids 6 months to cycle through, so they spend 6 months crying at drop off, 6 months being fine at drop off, and then another 6 months crying at drop off.

I would make sure that the teachers knew to call you if he continued to cry and make sure they respect that (I had been at ds' school when they called a parent because the kid was super sad that day, and we have been called when ds has been abnormally sad/out of sorts). Because I know that they would call me/dp if we needed to come get him I feel fine leaving him even if he cries when I leave (I mean of course it breaks my heart, but I know he will be fine and that they care about him a lot)

[Girlprof]

The crying while you're leaving wouldn't bother me at all. Well, of course it would bother me, but I wouldn't factor it into the decision very heavily. That's totally normal behavior. The business about saying he doesn't want to go over the weekend would trouble me more. We both work so our kids were in PS for child care, but it has been wonderful for both of them. Wonderful doesn't mean there is no crying involved though. There have been phases of crying at drop-off. I think pick-up behavior is more indicative of how things truly stand.

[Tjej]

I am a SAHM, so for my DD I had the choice of doing it or not. She was really excited about the idea of preschool, until she realized it meant we dropped her off (she had thought I would be staying). It ended up coming up in conversation before preschool started, and I am glad about that. I did end up putting her in a once a week program at the YMCA for a couple of months (1 1/2 or so hours a time), and it was a drop off and her response was similar to your DS. DD is a little older (she was 3 in February), so she was more able to talk with me about what the deal was. There were little things, but in general she just did not want to be dropped off/ left with people she didn't know in a new place. So after the fall semester was over, I just didn't sign her up for the next session of the little class. She didn't want to go, and it wasn't necessary, and she's still young.

I thought about what I was trying to get out of it - I want her to be able to relate and have fun with other kids. I want her to respect other adults. I want her to have new ideas (not just my ideas all the time). I found that there are other ways to get that. DD is in Sunday School (where she is dropped off) once a week for about 45 minutes. She likes that, so she gets teacher and other kid time there. There is a playgroup in our community hall that the parents stay at which we go to more often now (although it hasn't been as regular as I had thought... ). I enrolled DD in swimming lessons at the YMCA instead - she LOVES it, and I am still there watching. For DD that is the big difference. I don't even do anything during the class with them - besides the occassional smile - but just having me there matters to her right now.

I figure, preschool can wait until 4yo, it isn't like they'll be "behind" or anything. And if at 4, we don't do it, then I'll figure out other ways to meet the needs that preschool would meet at that age.

HTH

Tjej

ETA: I should say too that I've found that over the last 6 months or so, DD's confidence in navigating the world more independently has really begun to blossom. I imagine she would be excited about leaving me next fall for a few hours of preschool. For now she isn't, and I don't need the break or the childcare, so it is fine. Oh, and I am using some of the money I am saving to buy fun stuff for us that I wouldn't normally buy, so that is another factor for me.

[Picturesque]

Thank you for the responses. He went again today and still seems to feel pretty ambivalent about it. I've pretty much decided that, no matter what we decide for the Spring, I'm going to explore another preschool for the Fall. The current one isn't bad, but I'm not in love with it. Now I'm leaning more towards waiting until Fall when he's just a bit older and we (hopefully) won't have such battles. While he does have some positive things to say about preschool, on the whole his outlook is pretty negative.