What to do when they won't sit still for meals?

[JessieBird]

Hi everyone -

My DS will not sit still to eat. He's a very easy, calm guy who is very able to focus his attention for long periods of time (he can sit and stare at the birdfeeder out the window for an hour) but cannot stop moving while he's eating. We gave up on highchairs and eating from my lap ages ago because he restisted angrily. Now he loves his little table and chairs so he eats most of his meals there now. He comes and goes - taking a bite then wandering off to do something, then coming back for more a few minutes later. I just leave his food on his table (almost always finger foods) and let him graze. We do the same with snacks. It doesn't bother me in the least (it's actually really cute!) but part of me wonders how soon I should insist on better manners. What do you think? Am I setting myself up for problems in the future or is this a fine way to eat for now?

Though I know it would probably help, it is almost impossible for us to do family meals right now. We're working on it really hard but our schedules are all out of whack and DH isn't home for DS's lunch or dinner. I always sit at the little table and have a snack while DS goes through his wiggly meal time routine but I know it's not the same as a family dinner at the big table and just sitting with me at the big table (in a booster or hook-on) doesn't seem to be enough, he gets upset easily and wants to get down.

Thanks for your thoughts!

[deditus]

I think grazing works well for toddlers. By 3-3.5, we could no longer do this as dd started not eating well at meals, but would be hungry soon after mealtime. We had to go to scheduled eating - I offer 3 meals, 2-3 snacks, and a healthy dessert, so she is never hungry but I no longer let her graze. If you are concerned that it may be a problem in the future, then read some of Ellyn Satter's work, on her website or get one of her books. Her method is working very well for our family.

http://www.ellynsatter.com/

[shoefairy3]

my toddler grazes too

[GardenStream]

Mine are allowed to come and go as they please. We all sit down for dinner and everyone gets served, but the kids can choose to stay or go. We do have a rule that they can't eat anything else until they eat their dinner or at least a decent portion of it. This has always worked really well with my 3 year old, but he loves food and will eat anything. I might have to rethink this plan with my youngest. He doesn't eat well at all and is very picky.

[overseasmomma]

Dd (3) used to graze alot last year but we have a Tripptrapp highchair which she learned to climb really early on so food was always served at the table and she could come and go as she pleased. Recently however, she has started to eat at the table with me and her baby brother and sister. She is starting to like having conversation with her meals and it seemed like she just outgrew her grazing. She isn't really one to play by herself though so if I'm at the table eating, so is she.

Also, now that she is older and we feed more 'meals' that aren't finger foods then it makes a big mess if she is walking around with food bits stuck on her clothes or fingers and playing with toys. And, I don't let her walk around with food in her mouth because she tends to RUN, not walk and it is a choking hazard. I notice that you are trying to conceive #2....it might become a problem if baby is crawling around and able to reach the food on the small table while your Ds is eating. Something to think about if you think you want to transition him back to the family table for meals. Good luck.

[SeekingJoy]

OP, he is still really little. Model family meals at least occasionally, but wait on expecting him to sit and eat for a couple years. It will happen. Especially if you work into a routine where you are out and about for a couple hours without food before mealtimes. As they get older, the wiggles decrease, their appetite picks back up, and it all just comes together. The only food rules we have are 1) please say "excuse me" and take your plate to the kitchen when you are done and 2) finish what you are served before getting more.

[jocelyndale]

DS needs to run a lap between each bite. It's all part of his plan to make *every* food a negative calorie food.

Anyhow, as time goes on, he's starting to insist that we all sit down with our own plates and he wants to sit, too. I think this is just one thing which takes time.

[JessieBird]

Thanks for all the reassuring replies! I am very happy to let him do his acrobatics while he eats and am glad to have my instinct that there is no need to insist that he sit still confirmed. Last night he would only pick up a piece of food while sitting ON his table. He'd climb up onto the table, take on bite, then climb back on to the chair, chew a bit, climb down to the floor, chew a bit, then back on the chair and back on the table for another bite. Repeat over and over and over again. I got some great photos!

[nelson]

same here...

I am so glad this was posted. I have been wondering the same thing for the past couple of months. DS will not sit at the table for long than 2 min. It kinda drives me and DH crazy. It is reassuring to know that this is normal, but I still have a hard time deciding if it is okay to let him wonder around with food, especially when it is something messy, but if we didn't allow it, it seems like he would be eating hardly anything.

[pantrygirl]

I came here recently on another thread to discuss this and I'm glad it's back up.
My daughter is 17 months old and she doesn't mind sitting with us as long as we're all eating the same thing practically and both DH and I don't really move away from the table. Still we don't try to push it and after 15-20 minutes, we allow her to get down off her chair.
She grazes, like most other kids but we want to instill in her that family meals are important. At least one meal a day, we sit together even if it's for 5 minutes.
The other meals, I allow her to roam and eat. I can get messy so during these meals, I pretty much take off all her clothes and let her eat with an oversized white cotton t-shirt on. I also try to keep the roaming field smaller. For example, she can have breakfast (scrambled eggs or yogurt with fruit) in the kitchen. I lay out a 'picnic' blanket and she sits there and eats while I clean up or eat my own breakfast and prepare lunch.
I know not everyone likes the idea of a super messy child and roaming during meals but after a few attempts, we found this is the best approach for us now. Lunch she either roams or sits with me at the table. Snacks are roaming and then dinner is at the table with my husband and myself. Sometimes, she'll ask to get down from her chair but then see DH and I still eating and ask to sit on our laps. We will allow this occasionally but if she winds up eating more and doesn't just nibble, we put her back in her chair with protest.

[yukookoo]

we recently moved from eating meals strapped in the high chair, well nto strapped she would sit in it and eat then climb out..

to eating in the learning tower at the counter. I have a wooden serving tray that I put her dishes or snack on and she is moving and jumping and running in place and swinging etc all in the learning tower. But she does not go in and out of it, once she gets out food is all done.

I think its important to have specific meal times though as opposed to grazing.... so thats what works for us. I do think its important for toddlers to move CONSTANTLY so the LT works well for that