Jewish Mamas: Do you buy before the baby?

[SeattleRain]

I'm expecting my first baby IYH in June and I've been freaking out about "baby stuff." We follow the minhag that we don't buy anything for the baby until after its born, meaning no baby showers and no nursery set up. As far as we know, that includes diapers and formula also (for medical reasons, I cannot nurse). I have these crazy dreams that the baby is screaming and I have nowhere to put it (we don't plan on bedsharing, we'd like to get a co-sleeper). A lot of people have been asking if I plan on having a baby shower in my last month to get all the "baby stuff" and I've grit my teeth and said no, even though I'm sure it would make me feel better.

If you're a Jewish mama (or even if you're not) did you do this practice of not buying things before the baby? Were there things you DID buy before the baby? Were you worried that you wouldn't have things for the baby when you got home? What was your experience with this minhag?

[smeisnotapirate]

For DS, I was panicked about not buying anything, so I allowed DH's family (not Jewish) to have a small shower. We got some great gender neutral onesies and a bunch of junk we immediately donated.

At DS's bris, people knew we hadn't bought anything and we were literally showered with gifts. We had 3 different people take stuff home in their cars. It was nuts.

This time, since we are having a homebirth, we'll be allowing DH's family to get us the carseat, but since we're busy buying homebirthing supplies (and our budget is thin) we're not buying anything. We'll be asking for a swing, but we still have pretty much everything from DS, and all the early stuff is gender neutral. I'm sure at the bris/naming we'll get anything else we need.

If I were you, I'd have someone buy you formula and a few bottles (enough to last the first 8 days) and a carseat. People will buy you clothes before the baby gets here most likely, whether you want them to or not, but I think you'll get most of your stuff as gifts for the bris/naming if you're part of a traditional community.

[merpk]

We followed it very strictly. Didn't allow anyone else to get stuff either.

The day after the birth my mother went positively bonkers, had a good time getting whatever she wanted, and didn't have to stress about the wrong color, either. LOL

Then again, we didn't need any bedding (babies always slept with me/us) so that helped, and they didn't have their own room so there was no furniture at all involved.

I mean, what are you stressing about? A changing table? All you need is a towel on a flat surface, your bed or the floor will do. The whole humidifier shtick? Yeah, that can come eventually. And on and on.

Honestly, all you need for the first day or two is bottle stuff (if you're not nursing), diapers, and two or three outfits. Really. All the rest is gravy and not necessity, you can accumulate it over the next few weeks or whatever.

[imnottelling]

Hi

Firstly, things like carseats and stuff you need "right away" you only really need a couple days later. Pick out what you want (can even put on a registry for ease of using a list) and have your husband pick up the necessities after you have your baby (I'm assuming you're going to be in a hospital).

Since I homebirth, I DO buy diapers beforehand since those can't wait. I keep them in the car until shabbos close to giving birth, at which point we take them out and open them to get them ready in case I have a baby on shabbos, and keep them hidden away in a closet.

Almost anything else is superfluous at the beginning.

Some baby stores will even deliver when you have a baby -- find out what Seattle has to offer (ask your "tribe") if that is an option.

Babies need SO little at the beginning, and a Target run by your husband can easily absolve all worries of true necessities...

[npl]

I was the same as you when expecting my first. And whilst I knew that friends would loan me clothing for the baby, I was sure that she would arrive during the winter break, when everyone was out of town, and there would be a snowstorm. Added to the fact that we did not own a car, I found that buying just a few sleepers to last us the first day did help me to feel less anxious about baby arriving and having absolutely nothing. That peace of mind was very important to my health, and I think that if I had asked a shaila (didn't occur to me, as we did not have a strong minhag, anyway) that I would have been told to go ahead (based on other things our Rav has paskened on for us). We did not have any family in the area, so I think that was a factor in needing to be somewhat prepared.
We did the registry thing at the baby store, so that dh could call them and have everything delivered afterwards, but, although we were able to pick everything out ahead of time, we did not actually buy it until afterwards.
The only thing we really had to buy and have delivered beforehand was the car seat. We bought it through our health-insurance company, which got us a discount, and it sat at home until baby was born, so that we could bring her home from the hospital.
Sure enough, by the time I got home with the baby, friends had delivered the bassinette, the clothing, etc, and we were fine.
This time around, I need to buy a car seat, a new stroller (though that can wait) and more diapers, plus post-partum supplies for myself. The hospital tells you to bring everything, including diapers and pads. I'm doing all my research now, but will probably only buy the diapers (we use cloth, so they need preparing), postpartum supplies and car seat in advance. Again, I don't want to leave it too late, because I have a history of needing bedrest at the end, and because if there is a specific car seat I want, I don't want to find out that it isn't in stock once the baby arrives. Also, the timing of my due date is such that there is high probability that I will need to leave the hospital motzei shabbos or motzei yom tov, and so it won't be possible to buy the carseat between baby's birth and coming home.
Another alternative, thinking of it, is to arrange ahead of time to borrow a car seat from a friend, and have them prepare it, but that's so weird to me, because for years we have been loaning our baby stuff out, rather than borrowing anything! Oh, and I will be collecting up the stuff we have out on loan towards the end of the pregnancy, and washing everything in preparation.
Hope this musing has helped you with your decision-making!

[Faliciagayle]

b'shaa tovah!

Just remember it is a minhag and therefore you're not breaking any laws if you choose to purchase something.

I dig the whole reason behind it. It still is "just" a minhag. Shir Ha'malot is a minhag, immersion in the 9th month is a minhag, and I do all these as well. I groove with the minhagim. But still, only customs.

With my first pregnancy my mom really wanted to throw a shower, so she did about a month before the EDD. I opened everything, said thanks, and left it at her house. Dad and sister brought it down after DD was born (my mom was there for the birth). I caved and bought a onesie that said "shalom" before baby was born. We were given an entire stash of hand me down cloth diapers. Other than that, the car seat, and homebirth supplies, we didn't have anything.

My MIL who's pretty much as observant as my own mother (read: not at all ) felt really strongly about not purchasing anything so neither she nor her friends did till after the birth

This time, I've made diapers, a baby hat, a receiving blanket, mamacloth mostly because we're poor and the aforementioned is part of my MWs HB supply list. We've gotten some hand me down clothes and stuff which are, again, being held at my mom or MILs till the birth. The only thing we bought was a car seat, mostly so I could figure out how to get DDs toddler seat (still RF) and the NB seat in the car simultaneously and comfortably.

[Magelet]

So you do get baby gifts at a bris? (or I presume baby naming or other celebration for a girl?) I'm not there yet, though hopefully soon, and wondered about that. I'm not particularly interested in being overly materialistic, and am definitely always interested in only having useful and beautiful things, no excess crap, but even so, unless our circumstances drastically change over the next few years, we would "need" a babyshower to help. I love the minhag but the gifts inherent in a baby-shower are not something we could probably afford to give up. Did you have someone (mom, mil, sister, friend etc) suggust to non-jewish friends/family that gifts would be appropriate at the bris instead of a babyshower?

sorry to hijack the thread.

[smeisnotapirate]

Our rabbi asked us when he visited us in the hospital what we could use, and he circulated the information when he told people about the bris. Like I said, we were inundated.