Please share your thoughts--gifts for teachers/kindergarten directors, etc.

[GranoLLLy-girl]

First let me start by saying this is my first year back to work since my children are now in school full time so I have no past experieces to compare.

Regarding gifts: I'm fine with giving teachers gifts (gift cards, actually) BUT I am wondering, should I give Christmas/holiday gifts to the two women who run the private kindergarten that my son attends? I'm not terribly close to either of them (frankly, I don't really like them) but I just don't want to be the only one who doesn't give a gift.

I don't know what the protocol is supposed to be. When my children attended our church preschool, I always gave the director a gift--but many people did not.


I already have my panties in a bunch over the fact that my son had to buy "a gift for a boy" and turn it in and check his name off of a list (in order to GET a gift)--and that just rubbed me the wrong way. I suggested to the directors that children exchange books instead and one of them piped up: the kids just don't get the same joy out of a book.
Seriously? Way to instill the love of learning, ladies. Maybe you should get OUT of education for a living.
Thankfully he will not attend this school next year. Anyway...that's so off-topic. But just because I don't like them to me is not a good reason not to buy a gift--afterall, what lesson am I teaching my kids?

So that gets me back to the original thought: do people often buy directors gifts? That's really the issue at hand.


But thoughts are welcomed. Thanks!

[Hoopin' Mama]

Ds has 4 part-time preschool teachers, I bought them all the same gift card and gave them out yesterday. I did not buy one for the director, but I am friendlier with her so my situation is a little different. I will probably have ds make her a card and give her some teas or something, and I will likely see her over break.

Taking the friendship out of the equation, I don't know if I would have gotten her a gift. She is not there at drop-off or pick-up, and if she didn't make an effort to be friendly with us parents (there are a lot of social events outside of the school), she probably wouldn't be on my radar too much.

I don't think it's a big deal if you don't. And if you make the gift look like it came from your child, then it makes more sense that only teachers get it.

I dunno, I don't think you have to though.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Not sure if this will help, but.....

My children go to a daycare center, and there are 9 employees, which includes the director and the asst director (She is actually the "teacher" in my toddlers room) I like the entire staff, so I bought a bunch of cans of tims hortons coffee, Hot Chocolate, and Cappicinos, and some bags of assorted teas, and will put everything in a giant gift bag. They can decide who gets what.

[tm2840]

I'm the assistant to the director at a preschool/early elementary school. About 100 kids. Each year I get about six gifts - the director gets maybe twice as many.

Neither one of us expect it, or care if a family gives us a gift or not. And we're actually big old saps (so are most of our teachers!). Anything that is given to me BY THE CHILD and has their effort/heart/love in it is just wonderful and makes my day. Squishy cookies in hand decorated paper bags. Glitter-cards. Whatever. Just have a child come up to me and say, "Miss Traci, this is for you," and I feel warm and fuzzy for hours.

I actually feel uncomfortable with any kind of large, formal gift. I'm not the teacher! I'm not "in the trenches!" I don't spend my salary buying supplies for the classroom (all our teachers do - from bubbles to play-dough to printer-ink and lunches for kids who don't have enough). Sure, I spend time with the children but I am only a small part of their day.

JMO - though I'm guessing that most administrative people feel the same. Now, if I were very poor and worked in a school filled with children from very well-off families I might feel a little more comfortable receiving gifts of monetary value. But I would never expect such a gift, nor think less of families who didn't give one.

[mommy2maya]

Why would you be upset that he had to give a gift to get a gift? That only makes sense- there are only as many gifts as kids who are participating in the exchange. If your kid doesn't bring a gift, but 4 other kids do, why should he get a gift and one of the kids who did bring one not get one? I don't understand the upset over this. Of course if you didn't want to participate, you could have opted out altogether.

[LilMomma83]

I am helping DS1 make something for his teacher, and then we are going to bake something like cookies or muffins and bring that for whichever staff members want it. In his preschool (which includes before/after care) the director and her assistant are very involved, there is also an assistant teacher, and the kindergarten teacher comes during "after school" care and a sweet older lady who does a little of everything. DS1's room is adjacent to the kitchen so I will just set them in the kitchen with a "Merry Christmas, from Johnny" sign and they can help themselves. FYI- this is a small private school 15-20 preschoolers, 50-60 k-12 students so it is pretty cozy and he ends up spending time with pretty much all the staff - which is not that many, really.

[justKate]

I give gift cards to the 4 teachers that have regular, scheduled contact with DD (10 mos.) I give a christmas card with photo to the director.

In my best estimation the director makes significantly more than the teachers and she is not especially friendly with me or DD (unlike the teachers).

[Alyantavid]

We do gifts for ds1's teacher, he's in second grade.

Our younger son attends a small in home daycare/preschool. It's run by one woman and we do give her a gift. She has a couple of part time helpers that we do not give gifts to.

[erinsmama]

We just handed out little containers of homemade fudge & toffee that I made this weekend to the 5 teachers in dd's class. I made cupcakes for the little ones & assistant teachers that come in over naptime so the teachers can take their lunch breaks. DD is 2.

The teachers seemed very happy about it & gave hugs & told me what a pleasure it is for them to spend time with dd everyday. Made me feel good & they felt good too- very appreciative of something so small!

[GranoLLLy-girl]

Originally Posted by mommy2maya

Why would you be upset that he had to give a gift to get a gift? That only makes sense- there are only as many gifts as kids who are participating in the exchange. If your kid doesn't bring a gift, but 4 other kids do, why should he get a gift and one of the kids who did bring one not get one? I don't understand the upset over this. Of course if you didn't want to participate, you could have opted out altogether.

The reason that this upsets me is because it punishes the CHILD if the PARENT doesn't purchase a gift. So then the child has to sit there while all the other children open gifts while she/he does not open one. That's just not right. And where is the parent when all of this is taking place? At work, or where ever they go when that child is left there at school. I think it places shame on the child--when it should not.
What about the single mom who can barely scrape by and just purchasing a TEN DOLLAR gift is simply out of her price range? Especially when that ten dollars is needed for gas. Or she has her child make a gift so that he/she can participate, but then another parent gets angry because they spent the money and this mom didn't have it to spend. And yes, I see that, too.
It's wrong.
They should NOT have a gift exchange. Our church did something different--the children COULD bring in a book, and those parents who could afford to DONATE books (which is what we did) did so, and then all of the children could participate. We always bought a gift book to exchange and then four or so more books for other children to open because we knew that at least someone would be left out--and I couldn't live with that. I knew that there were parents struggling whose children attended our church preschool, and rather than shame them, those of us who could afford to make up for what they could not give, did so---and no child was the wiser or left out.

So there it is. Whether that is right or not--well, that's just the way I see it. No child should be left out in a group setting--a gift exchange or anything else in a place where ALL of the children can SEE what is going on around them--watch all of their peers open gifts right in front of them while they have nothing? Ugh, that just burns my tail. It fills them with shame and a sense of being left out. No. I could never do that to a child, and I certainly would never tell parents that their child would be left out of an activity at the age of 5 or 6 because they didn't bring a gift--whether they forgot one, whether they could not afford one, or for any other reason--and leave a child to wonder why they were not given what all the other kids were given. What a nice Christmas memory that would leave (read with sarcasm).

I see your point, but during this time of Jesus' birth, well to me, it's not about giving to get, but giving out of a place of compassion and to celebrate things beyond being "even" (i.e., giving a gift to get a gift) and that's not how I want my children to see Christmas either.

[eccomama]

i'm lucky that there are 2 room parents that care of the teacher's bday and holiday gift. we just ended up donating $5 for each and the room parents bought gift certificates. also for afterschool care, there are 5 teachers, we did 10 for each and again the room parents bought gift certificates. i prefer this much over trying to shop for people that i dont know well outside of school.
previous year in dd's preschool, we donated money towards gift certificates and during teacher appreciation week, we had daily themes; home made cards, something sweet, something from the garden, open day, etc. this at least gave me some guidance...

good luck