3.5 yr old hitting, spitting, yelling NO!

[awinkler]

Our DS is going through a hitting, spitting, yelling NO phase. If he doesn't like something we are saying, then that is the response. We encourage him to use his words, and we try to praise positive behavior. But, I'd say there are a few times a day that we have to deal with DS's hitting. We say "we don't hit" and try a time out, but it doesn't seem to help. Or should we stick with it?

I read the idea of holding your child until they calm down, and I think I might try that... but I must admit that I'm frustrated, and sometimes I feel really pissed off - both with my son and with how I'm feeling. Blah.

What do you do? What would you recommend?

[TulsiLeaf]

you could try a time in, which is when you physically hold him until he calms down. I have had to do that a few times with my daughter (thank god she only has had a few tantrums) and while I was doing it I sang to her.

also, have you thought about walking away from him when he does that? Maybe the commotion of telling him no is only escalating the problem? Maybe if you just said "you don't hit mummy" and if he does it again just walk away and ignore the tantrum? Keep him in eye view but just allow him to have his release of energy, but just don't allow yourself to bear the brunt of it .

Maybe find a safe place and let him know that he stays there until he is done with his tantrum. That it's a place he can't hurt himself.

good luck.

[Straggletag]

My 3yo and I are right there with your family. Whenever she's opposed one too many times in a day for her tolerance, she goes through the roof. If not a tantrum as you describe it than a series of confrontational behaviors, attitudes, defiance, and so on. Once we've reached that point, there's not much that can be done as she has her back up and knows my limitations while caring for her 1mo sister, and I'm so frazzled that my best option of the responses I come up with is biting my tongue.

The best I can do is attempt to pre-empt it. Positive reinforcement and praise don't seem to accomplish as much versus an oncoming tantrum as spending as much time in the day as I can positively, lovingly and cooperatively (as opposed to oppositionally) interacting with her well before there's an attitude even developing. As a 3yo her life's mission is to test every boundary, climb on every piece of furniture until she gets herself killed, and otherwise do everything in her power to raise our blood pressure. Despite this we focus as much as possible on being calm and in control of ourselves and bite our tongues rather than dole out "no," "stop," or worse. The least opposition in the day, the better. We also strive to keep ahead of her hunger and sleep needs.