My 5yo "I don't think women should nurse their babies where other people could see"

[Belle]

I was reading an article in New Beginings the other day about NIP. My five year old came up to me and saw the picture of a mother nursing her baby outdoors and said "I don't think women should nurse their babies where others can see".

I was totally blown away by this. This child nursed until she herself was almost three and she sees her sister nurse all the time. She regularly attends LLL meetings with me and I am a leader. I've never made any indication that I was doing something inappropriate by nursing in public. I've always thought you lead by example. And by nursing in front of my daughter I would teach her that its okay.

I probed a little bit into what she was thinking and at first she said that mommies shouldn't show their nipples. I pointed out that nipples don't show while nursing because they're in the babies mouth. Then she changed her tune and said its probably too cold for the mommy and baby. Granted, it is too cold to nurse outside here now in December, but the picture we were looking at was clearly a summer picture. I pointed that out to her and she dropped the subject.

This has got me worried though. I'm wondering if somebody has been telling her that my nursing in public is not appropriate or something. The only person that I could think would have a problem with it is my own mother. But my mother hasn't been with my daughter alone for quite some time.

My husband was equally shocked when I told him what she said.

[SpiderMum]

I am willing to bet your mother said something to her. I'd ask your mom if she'd been talking to your DD about it.

I would be shocked and horrified too.

[widemouthedfrog]

She was probably checking to see what your response would be, especially if she sounds like she's parroting something someone else has said.

Either that or she might have some other problem with it that you'd never guess. My daughter makes statements that are very non-PC, and when I probe deeper I realize that her reasons are very different from what I thought.

[proudmomof4]

I think both versions could be somewhere near the truth - your daughter might've picked up some remark near you that you missed (maybe you were too busy nursing!).
Anyway, she got your perspective and it sounds as if you handled the situation in a factual / non-emotional way. I'm sure she'll remember that breastfeeding is nothing to be hidden or ashamed of.

[crunchy_mommy]

Is she in school?

Or, is it possible that she's just becoming more aware of "privacy" in general, learning to keep her body private, and just extended that in her mind to include nursing?

Though I have to admit it really sounds like she heard it somewhere

[Belle]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy

Is she in school?

Or, is it possible that she's just becoming more aware of "privacy" in general, learning to keep her body private, and just extended that in her mind to include nursing?

Though I have to admit it really sounds like she heard it somewhere

Yes, she is in school. I wonder if she picked it up there. She certainly never got it from me or dh.

[tanyam926]

I can understand how hearing that would make you feel sad and concerned. I would feel the same way.

I think you handled it very well, and maybe in future convos w/her you can dig a little deeper and get to the bottom of it.

Sometimes my boys say things that make me wonder and seem to come from left field. I react in a matter of fact way, but if it was something that was so close to my heart like BF I would take it more personally.

It's probably not a big deal so don't worry. Maybe you could ask her if she has heard anything about NIP from other people.

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by Belle

Yes, she is in school. I wonder if she picked it up there. She certainly never got it from me or dh.

Yeah that would be my guess then, if you don't think it was your mom.... Also it really sounds like she was just repeating something she heard, she may not even really feel that way (in fact it sounds like she doesn't because she can't really explain it??)

[dachshundqueen]

Maybe it is a privacy issue for her. My kids are both very very private individuals. 4.5 and 2. Perhaps she thinks it's something very special and should only be shared between the mama and child and that others are intruding when out and about. I wouldn't consider that negative in any way, but if you nursed that long, perhaps she has very lovey feelings about nursing and thinks that maybe the baby should be able to fully enjoy those moments without others.

Just a thought.

Liz

[sapphire_chan]

So, have you explained that only nursing in private would mean that some babies wouldn't get to nurse?

[mntnmom]

My DD (6)is homeschooled, but has a friend who has a family of all girls, and has a more modest home than ours. She made a few comments for a while about her brother's seeing her naked not being okay, or the fact that I am frequently naked. We talked about how some families have different ideas about how they treat nudity. She wasn't really uncomfortable being seen by her brothers, she had just picked up some ideas and she needed a little guidance fitting them into her world.
I'm sure she has noticed that girls always wear shirts etc. or even heard overt comments from her schoolmates. It sounds like you handled it really well!

[Belle]

Originally Posted by dachshundqueen

Maybe it is a privacy issue for her. My kids are both very very private individuals. 4.5 and 2. Perhaps she thinks it's something very special and should only be shared between the mama and child and that others are intruding when out and about. I wouldn't consider that negative in any way, but if you nursed that long, perhaps she has very lovey feelings about nursing and thinks that maybe the baby should be able to fully enjoy those moments without others.

Just a thought.

Liz

I don't think so. Dd1 has always been very open. She's never shown any negative or shy reaction to either herself nursing or her sister. She's not one who's afraid to shout "Katherine needs breast milk!" in a crowded store. That's why this comment was totally unexpected from her.

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy

Yeah that would be my guess then, if you don't think it was your mom.... Also it really sounds like she was just repeating something she heard, she may not even really feel that way (in fact it sounds like she doesn't because she can't really explain it??)

I agree. I'm wondering where she heard it from. It was upsetting to hear something negative my mother might have said from my own child's mouth. Especially when its a breastfeeding support and advocacy is such a big part of my life.

[dachshundqueen]

Originally Posted by Belle

I don't think so. Dd1 has always been very open. She's never shown any negative or shy reaction to either herself nursing or her sister. She's not one who's afraid to shout "Katherine needs breast milk!" in a crowded store. That's why this comment was totally unexpected from her.

I agree. I'm wondering where she heard it from. It was upsetting to hear something negative my mother might have said from my own child's mouth. Especially when its a breastfeeding support and advocacy is such a big part of my life.

My kids tell strangers their kids need to be picked up or fed, too. Asking why parents aren't picking up the kid or nursing.

I don't know - perhaps she heard it in passing somewhere then. A volunteer at the school, a teacher, another mom somewhere along the line?

I'd just let it go for the moment seeing as how she seems to have a firm grasp of the fact that babies/kids should be nursed as needed. If she brings it up again, I'd work a little harder on trying to find the source. I would think that continued questioning about the source right now might make her question NIP.

Liz

[stiss]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy

Is she in school?

Or, is it possible that she's just becoming more aware of "privacy" in general, learning to keep her body private, and just extended that in her mind to include nursing?

Though I have to admit it really sounds like she heard it somewhere

Kids that age start making connections. I agree that maybe she's just taking something else that she's learned and extended it to nursing. I'd actually be inclined to bring up the diversity of opinions on the subject and see how she reacts so we can talk about it.

[mamazee]

My dd said something like that at some point, probably around 5, and there really wasn't anyone for her to hear that from as she was hardly ever away from me. But she had newly discovered the concept of modesty, and hadn't really thought it through. My dd is now 7 and is past that. Anyway, I wouldn't assume she got it from your mother.

[mommy2one0326]

I would say she had to have heard it somewhere.

[alacrity]

I agree that she probably heard it from school. I would be shocked and hurt, too.

Perhaps you should tell her that if you only breastfed her younger sister at home then she would not ever get to go places with you.

[hippiemama76]

I'm in the same position as you (LLL leader, extended nursing, nursing a DD2 right now) and DD1 will make comments like that on occasion. It really hurt me until I figured out that it was her way of teasing. She will regularly come in to wherever I am and say out of the blue, "Mommy, when I am a mommy, I am going to (use 'fommala', use a stroller, spank on the booty, use a crib, etc.)" I didn't ever really respond to it, just an "mm? really?" because it made me sad, but one day when I was extra sensitive I said, "Sophie?!?!?" in one of those shocked voices.

For the first time ever she started cracking up and said, "Not fommala, that's a bad choice! Breastfeeding is a good choice. I was joking about bad choices." She thought it was funny, and was her way of being silly. She still does it - likes to make jokes about her 'bad choice baby'.

She also likes to nurse her dolls, and likes to play "Layshay Leader" where I call her on her play phone and tell her about a nursing problem and then she tells me I have a bad latch and to nurse more often. And she has - oops - even told a mama nursing with a cover that, "You don't need that towel, the police say it's ok to show your milks in Florida." (We've since talked about respecting others choices.)

So, any chance that she's either just joking or playing around with the concept of 'what our family does' vs. 'what other families do'? DD has a fierce independent streak - her nickname is Contrary Mary, so she likes to experiment with being different from whatever the family does. I think it's her way of spreading her wings a little.

[BlessedMommy2006]

Originally Posted by hippiemama76

And she has - oops - even told a mama nursing with a cover that, "You don't need that towel, the police say it's ok to show your milks in Florida."

[GoBecGo]

My DD is only 3 but she will say inflammatory/contrary to family methods things to see the response she gets, maybe she was just testing the cultural water?