anyone have a toddler and an infant?

[SFam]

please tell me i'm not the only one who struggles!

[pbjmama]

Well now I have a 3.5 and a 1.5 but I did have a toddler and infant and it was hard. I was tandem nursing and my husband travels frequently for work. So exhausting, body and mind.

I remember the first time he had to go on a trip my dd was 6 weeks old and ds had just turned 2. It was a hard day and I was finally putting dd down for sleep, taking all of 2 minutes, and came back to find out that ds had climbed up on the toliet, into the pedestal sink, opened the medicine cabinet and opened a ibuprofen bottle. I didn't think he had consumed any but of course I called poison control and they told me that it wasn't a problem unless he had consumed an insane amount like 50 tabs. BUT I still needed to give him milk and stay up with him for an hour to watch for tummy ache, etc. Oh I could have cried. I was so tired. Thankfully he actually gave me a break and mostly rested while I held him for that hour. As soon as they called back to confirm he was okay we headed for bed.

Anyway, I know people say this when you have a baby but it is even more true with a baby and a toddler. Sleep when you can, every chance, because you never know what the future will bring. Take care of you and your babies, don't sweat the rest!

[elisheva]

I have a 15 month old and a 6 week old. It's a massive amount of work. Hang in there. It does get better.

[HappyFox05]

Any day now (I'm at 40 weeks, 2 days) we'll have a newborn. DD turned 2 last week. Right now, I'm working on developing the mindset of "Sleep when I get the chance - house will get cleaned, laundry done, dinner made, um, some other time". Good luck!

[Straggletag]

We have a 3yo and a 1mo. I love my little ones to pieces, but it's enormously hard. I feel like I've thrown my 3yo out of the nest, she gets so much less affection and attention than she used to and DH is determined to be nearer to me physically, so she's no longer even sleeping next to me at night. My heart is breaking. I keep thinking it gets easier right around the corner, but haven't arrived yet. I've figured some things out like the need to be much more playful and proactive rather than reactive.

[SFam]

Originally Posted by Straggletag

I feel like I've thrown my 3yo out of the nest.

i also feel that my baby doesn't get the attention she deserves either. i can't revel in her cuteness like i did with DD1. i hate it, but DD1 watches TV/movies a lot of the time to keep her busy because i can't engage with her like i used to. when i spend time with her, then i feel i'm neglecting my baby.

i also thought i'd try to sleep when they do, but infants and 2 year olds don't sleep at the same time! when their naps overlap, i usually find that i'm starving and use that time to eat or shower, and by the time i'm done with that one or both are awake again.

i use a sling or carrier for the baby, but that isn't always the best solution. sometimes i need her just to get off me so i can get things done. it's so much faster to do things when i'm not wearing a baby. i do try to prioritize children and self first (i'm not so good at the latter) and housework second, but i'm the type of person that goes crazy in mess and clutter. i'm more tolerant than i used to be, but i can't relax until things are at least somewhat organized! i hate that about myself, but it's just my personality.

[AllyRae]

I have an 11 month old and a 2 year old. It was really hard in the beginning but now that the 11 month old is getting to toddlerhood and doesn't demand 100% of my time, it's a lot easier. The two of them play really well...it's only when we add the 6 year old into the mix that it gets really hard because they stop playing nice at that point. LOL!

[mommy2one0326]

I have an almost 3 year old and a 4 month old...it is so hard to keep up with them.

[Drummer's Wife]

I've had a toddler and infant 3 times now. It must not have been all too awful for me b/c I did it again and again I know the challenges of tandem nursing and co-sleeping with two - and all the other fun stuff that comes along with more than one LO. Frequent nights on my own? yep - after 8+ hours a day, too. There were definitely times when I thought I'd lose my flippin mind - but the good moments out number the bad ones, and that's what got me through those really rough times.

Now my kids are 2.5, 4.5, 6.5, and 8.5 - and honestly, it's even harder for me now than when they were babies/toddlers. I don't know, they are just so wild and busy and vocal and active that I'm exhausted quite often. Still, it's fun and doesn't stop me from wanting more

[Bellabaz]

DD1 will be two in March. DD2 is currently 3 months old. You are not alone! It is a struggle. But it can be alot of fun. I really try to limit the amount of times I say no to dd1. And its hard for me not to loose my patience when I have two screaming whiny kids and need to do something else as well. But hang in there.

[marrymeflyfree]

We have a 19mo and a 2mo...hubby travels a lot and was away nearly all of the first 7 weeks. No family nearby, and a derned c-section to recover from to boot. I try to convince myself daily that I relish a good challenge...

[Mommy2Liz]

I have a 2.5 year old and a 6 week old. I have days where I feel like I'm going crazy or I think about going out to get the mail and not coming back

I know it will get better....or at least I hold on to that hope. My DD is wonderful with her brother but I am ready for the days when he isn't so delicate and they can run and play together.

[tracymom1]

It is so tough having a toddler and a new baby! DS was 22 months when his sister was born and it was a very hard transition for me. Not a whole lot is said about the change in family dynamic when going from one baby to two - though there is a great article about this in the current issue of Mothering. Now that DD is 5 months old, things are starting to mellow out a bit and I am getting used to having them both to care for. Its a process, thats for sure!

[olien]

I am thankful for this thread. #2 is on the way. They will be 20mo apart & I am nervous about that. Its good to hear about others in the same boat

[SFam]

Originally Posted by marrymeflyfree

We have a 19mo and a 2mo...hubby travels a lot and was away nearly all of the first 7 weeks. No family nearby, and a derned c-section to recover from to boot. I try to convince myself daily that I relish a good challenge...

Wow! kudos to you!


The difficulty I've had was so unexpected. It didn't even occur to me how difficult it would/could be. I knew I'd have to figure out a new routine and I sort of was vaguely aware that I'd have to figure out what to do when they both really need me at the same time, but I was not at all prepared for how exhausting and overwhelming this has been for me. During my pregnancy, my main worry was how DD1 would adjust and ironically she's done just fine. It's ME who can't seem to get a grip!

None of the baby books really address going from one child to two. Some have a small section, maybe one chapter on it, but it's not nearly enough. Someone should write that book! I'd do it, but... eh... no free time!




Bellabaz: noticed your baby's DOB is 9/9/09-- how cool!

[kgianforti]

3.5 yo and 13 month here! They are a bit older but I do know the struggles!!

[marrymeflyfree]

Originally Posted by SFam

i also feel that my baby doesn't get the attention she deserves either. i can't revel in her cuteness like i did with DD1. i hate it, but DD1 watches TV/movies a lot of the time to keep her busy because i can't engage with her like i used to. when i spend time with her, then i feel i'm neglecting my baby.

i also thought i'd try to sleep when they do, but infants and 2 year olds don't sleep at the same time! when their naps overlap, i usually find that i'm starving and use that time to eat or shower, and by the time i'm done with that one or both are awake again.

i use a sling or carrier for the baby, but that isn't always the best solution. sometimes i need her just to get off me so i can get things done. it's so much faster to do things when i'm not wearing a baby. i do try to prioritize children and self first (i'm not so good at the latter) and housework second, but i'm the type of person that goes crazy in mess and clutter. i'm more tolerant than i used to be, but i can't relax until things are at least somewhat organized! i hate that about myself, but it's just my personality.

I could have written this post word for word...every last bit of it. The mommy guilt is a hard thing, and certainly not made any easier with limited sleep, trying to keep everyone well-fed (not least of which ourselves, right?!), keeping the house under control, yadda yadda yadda.

[MamaMelis]

Hang in there Mama, my first two are 13 mos apart (almost 3 and almost 2 now) and I can tell you that (in my experience anyway) it DOES get easier. We are due with #3 in May and so things will surely get harder for me again soon, LOL.

The best advise that I got was to work hard to encourage your second to go to one nap once you sense they might be ready. From 4-9 months was really hard for me as I had one napping almost all day long......when I got my DD to one nap at 9 months and suddenly had 3 entire hours to myself every day I hardly knew what to do with myself!!!!

I found that it then got easier again when DD started walking ~ The two of them keep one another entertained all day long now! They are the best of friends, and seeing their relationship is infinitely rewarding to me.

Hang in there, you are doing great, and it WILL get so much easier, I promise!

[orangatan]

I was just coming on here to write the same thing after an especially challenging day today. I have a 2 year old (27 months) and a 10 week old and after the intial bliss, Im struggling. Lately the bad days have out-numbered the good and even though I so deperately want to enjoy my children, I can't seem to get a handle on things. Naps are the worst, my older DD is a co-sleeper and I usally lie down with her to nap and she wont nap any other way. No naps equal a very unhappy little girl meaning we can't leave the house in fear of huge public meltdowns. Tandem nursing is also becoming to be a bit much on me, both body and mind.
My DD is also getting alot less attention making her act out in ways I've never seen before. I didn't know a two year old could rage like she does at times
This just isn't how I envisioned it- I knew it was going to be hard at times, but not this hard.

[lach]

Really? Mine are 19 months apart and I find a piece of cake. What's the issue, exactly?



Okay, seriously, I hear you! I totally agree with all of the other Mamas on this thread.

The absolute best advice I can give is to try to get them to nap at the same time. It doesn't always work, but when it does, that hour and a half or so is a total lifesaver (and it's not necessarily my life that is in danger on some days... ). It also gives me a chance to make dinner during that time, because to me the 4pm and on period is when the nightmare really begins.

I find getting out of the house is sooo good, too. I particularly like to take them to the library. The baby likes to watch the older kids, and my toddler plays with the toys, and they're both contained and happy and everything is safe and unbreakable. And then we go home, I stick dinner in front of them, and I put them to bed!