Anyone not buy their kids gifts? - Page 3

[Adallae]

Originally Posted by mommy2maya

for those who say that the kids get plenty from extended family, etc, do you buy for the other kids in the extended family?

Yup - I love buying gifts, especially for kids. The only reason there aren't a dozen boxes waiting for DD from us is because I know my mom went crazy! As she gets older, and we have more children, I'm think (maybe?) the grandparents will slow down on the gifts. Until then, their generosity is allowing us to sock away our cash for future expenses, like Montessori, and starting a college fund.

[Fuamami]

Originally Posted by laohaire

I want to say in general, though, I've expressed my personal views on gifts but this post and this thread is NOT meant to be a soapbox. I'm very happy for all those who enjoy gift-giving; in fact, as a point of personal growth I should probably work on that more. So when I explained my feelings on it, that was not meant to argue that gift-giving is bad or anything else. It's just my personal view on it for me and my DD, based on my personal experiences and watching my own DD.

I didn't think this! You were very gracious.

I can see how in your situation it could get excessive. Dh and I buy about 6-7 presents for each child, and the in-laws get them one each plus a Christmas outfit, and then maybe there will be 1-2 presents from my siblings, maybe not. My mom sent money and told me to get something for them, so I got them Cricket mag subs. Anyway, I'm just saying I'm seeing how it could get really out of control and you wouldn't want to give your kids gifts.

[Fuamami]

Originally Posted by snoopy5386

my DD gets a TON and I mean a ton of gifts at Christmas (last year including the 3 stockings she get from extended family she got close to 100 presents. It is insane, but that is for another thread....)
And yes I still absolutely get her gifts as well. Not many (this year including a full stocking she will get 10-12 gifts from us). We are more "traditional" in that we celebrate Christmas and do Santa and I just can't imagine waking up Christmas morning to nothing under the tree. What makes that morning special? Different from any other? We are not religious so Christmas has no religious significance for us. We live it up all month doing holiday things - baking, making a gingerbread house, caroling, watching christmas movies/shows, making ornaments, cutting down and decorating a tree, going to holiday celebrations in our town/area, going to the local train gardens, etc and that all culminates on Christmas morning with some presents. I love shopping for DD - special things that I know she will love, helping her shop for DH, getting surprised by what DD and DH got for me on Christmas morning.
Is it neccessary? No. Is it fun to have one day of the year where we all get each other something special? Absolutely!

Wow. I like Christmas and Santa, too, but I would not be able to handle this. 100 gifts?!? For a 2 yo? Where do you put everything? Or maybe they're smaller things? You must be an organizational wizard!

[Storm Bride]

We give them gifts. I like giving gifts. I'm always trying to find the perfect one for everybody. That said, if my kids were receiving a ton of gifts from other people, I might not bother. The only other people gifting my kids are my in-laws (two gifts per child, one of them clothes), my mom & stepdad (usually the same), my sister (one joint gift for dd1 & ds2), my brother & SIL (one gift per child) and my godmother (one gift per child, plus some clothes, sometimes). I'm not dealing with a huge onslaught.

[SheBear]

Good gracious! Apologies in advance for the length of this post!

Originally Posted by laohaire

I think DD would be more curious and excited if she had one gift, or maybe one from each family set (one from MIL/FIL, one from my mom and dad, one from SIL). When there is a massive pile of gifts and everyone around her is also opening massive piles of gifts, it really does lend to the "NEXT" spirit. If she took time to examine and appreciate each gift, it would take all day, not to mention the large pile just naturally makes one wonder what else is in there. This is one of the reasons I don't like the gift-giving tradition in modern America. If we were back in the Laura Ingalls days and Christmas gifts were an orange and a pair of mittens, that would be different for me. (But I'm not here to argue that it should be the same for every family).

This sounds SOOOO much like my dh's family! First Christmas I spent with them (right after we were married) was such a sensory overload for me that I literally ended up with a migraine! It was at his parents house....his mom, dad, grandmother, twin sister and her husband were all there...no kids yet at that point, and it was still so overwhelming compared to what I was used to that at the end of the day I felt like I'd been riding the Tilt-a-Whirl non-stop for hours! PILES of gifts (most of which didn't make sense to me....I get they didn't know me very well but why then would they buy me personal items like bath products and clothing?), everyone tearing into the bags and wrapping all at the same time, me trying to see everything all at once, trying to be sure I got to see each person open their gift from dh and I (I was always too late....saw the opened gift sitting beside the recipient, but never got to see them open or see their reactions! ), and all the while the TV was blaring loudly, just some random program or news channel.

It was literally nauseating, and since SIL and I have had children, it has only gotten worse. In the last 11 years, I've only missed 2 such Christmases with his family--one year we offended all his relatives and created a major issue by *gasp* going to see MY family for a change, and one year I had a baby on the 20th so was "allowed" to stay home....dh still took the older 3 children the 4 hour drive so as not to "miss" the chaos, though!

This year, we live too far away to go for Thanksgiving and Christmas, so we went at Thanksgiving (phew!). I'm really looking forward to a very low-key and quiet Christmas with just us--might invite a couple church people (who have no family nearby) over. I'm also looking forward to initiating some traditions from my own childhood, such as gift opening--we go around the room and ONE person opens ONE gift at a time, so we can all watch and enjoy the experience! That's what we did when I was small...No one was allowed in the living room until everyone was awake & ready...my parents actually tacked bedsheets over the doorway so we couldn't peek! First we did stockings, which was a loud, pent-up energy releasing free-for-all, but then one person "played Santa", sitting by the tree and passing out the presents. Each kid had a present from Mom and Dad, and a present from the rest of the siblings. Then we all had a few group gifts--one from each set of grandparents, maybe one from a random aunt or uncle....on rare Christmases, someone from church would give us each a gift, and "santa" left each young child a gift. And that was it. It was exciting and magical and wonderful, but NOT overwhelming, chaotic, and loud. There was no digging through the trash later because someone scooped up a gift that got lost in the shuffle (happened at my inlaws! Most importantly, we always got to see everyone's expressions when they opened our gifts! For me, that's the real pay-off! Even now, when I'm planning a gift, whether purchased or made, I get the most delight from imagining their reaction.

Originally Posted by laohaire

That's interesting, and I think it again underscores my unease with the free-for-all that this culture has embraced. It's hard for anyone, especially a small child, to appreciate the thoughtfullness of a HUGE pile of presents. When the pile is enormous it kind of detracts from the value, since rather than feeling like "oh, nana and poppi picked out this gift special for me" it's more like "I have toys!!! Lots of toys!!! Oh, this is clothing, that sucks, where's the toys????"

So DD has the opportunity to experience gifts but I don't think they are making her more grateful, but in fact less so. So many gifts implies that they are kind of limitless, and don't really show the cost or value behind them. I think that's human nature.

I TOTALLY agree with you...such excess cheapens the whole experience, IMO. I really hoped that my inlaws would chill out this year, being that they had to ship stuff, and that things have been really tight, financially speaking, for them this year. In fact, I begged dh to suggest they only get a group gift for us--a family membership to our zoo, or a couple games/movies for the whole family. But Tuesday, UPS delivered 2 ginormous boxes to our doorstep...one of which was making noises when I opened the door! I opened them up to put stuff under the tree, only to discover that nothing was wrapped! Oh great, now I have to wrap or bag them, too?? But that was actually a good thing, it turns out, because sure enough, once again they've ignored our request to avoid Barbie dolls!

So, I'm going to use this as an opportunity to pare things down a bit...give each kid one or two gifts from their grandparents, and put the rest (what's appropriate) in my gift stash to give later for birthdays or as special gifts for when the new baby is born. I'm going to tell MIL exactly what I'm doing (may wait until after Christmas though! ) and maybe that will be a gentle way to give the hint that for next year, "less" would really be more!

Originally Posted by laohaire

Yes, DH and I buy presents for the extended family, including the (one) child in our extended family. It's expected. If you're wondering if DD will feel left out that we gave her cousin a gift and not her, it's a good question. So far I am pretty sure that's not the case, but when she is older, it may be. DD's feelings are very important to me, so if that is the case then we will buy her presents then and I will internally curse this consumerist world that I am forced to buy more STUFF for the "happiness" of my child.

Just a thought about the possibility of your dd feeling left out in the future...my guess is that, if (when she's old enough) you allow her a big part in the process of choosing/wrapping the cousin's gift, it will never occur to her to feel left out! Dunno if they are close (in age or otherwise) but it might be a really nice way to encourage them to have a connection with one another!

Originally Posted by laohaire

I don't know why DH doesn't really care for gifts, but for me, I was one of those kids with moutains and mountains of gifts. My parents bought me everything under the sun. And my personal take on it was to understand that stuff really doesn't equal happiness. If it does, it's very fleeting.

This is totally my husband. I already described the insanity of "Consumer-mas" that he grew up thinking was the norm....and now he could care less about gifts....he craves time, and touch, and thoughtful acts of service (all of which were in short supply during his childhood, apparently. ). Makes it a bit hard for me to give him gifts that delight and surprise...he just takes it all in stride a bit too much! It's somewhat frustrating, when I've put so much thought and effort and emotion into the gift selection, only for him to be mostly nonplussed by it. Me, I still feel covered with love every time I pick up one of the Wusthof knives he bought me a few years back....not a "sexy" gift, but every time I chop carrots I literally grin, imagining him researching knives and picking them out, and wrapping them up....all just to surprise and delight me! That's how much the gifting means to me....and it's not about the expense; if anything, the construction-paper card he made me for valentine's day one year is even MORE precious! Imagining him sitting down and cutting and folding and pasting--even making little pop-up springs so that the heart jumped out of the middle when I opened it--well, I get a little goofy-giddy when I think about it!

[SheBear]

Originally Posted by Tigerchild

The next year we told everyone in the extended family that they could give one gift that could be whatever they wanted (clothing was unlimited though). My parents tested it, we sent them a nice thank you card talking about how appreciative Children's Hospital and other organizations were for the donations they made possible for us to give that year. They tested once more, and then gave up. Now Christmas is more fun and managable for everyone, including my parents when they came to visit and noticed that the kids actually appreciated stuff when there was less of it.

Bolding mine. This is SUCH an awesome idea! Wish I had the balls to do that.....

No, actually, I wish dh did! I asked him yesterday if he'd please ask his mother where the Barbie doll came from so we could return it and get dd a suitable alternative, but he won't....he'd rather just craigslist it or give it away without a word, rather than stand up to his mother. I personally don't get it, but I don't feel like it's fair to dh to force the issue.

[BarnMomma]

My husband and I both grew up dead broke, him even more so. Christmas was a very lean time for both of us. For me, I remember hating the first day back to school when everyone was talking about the gifts they were given and I was so envious. It only got worse when I got older when kids started getting cars and I could hardly afford my license nevermind insurance AND a vehicle.

So fast forward and hubby and I are fairly well off now as the result of good old fashioned american hard work.

We do tend to get DS(2.5) lots of things but I try to buy quality things. I make a huge deal out of birthdays and Christmas because I would have killed for that as a child. This year he is getting a (real) small guitar, an easel, paints, ice skates, blocks, hockey sticks, a tractor windmill, a horribly ugly shirt with a big backhoe on it (which he will love), a slinky, and a wooden train set. Most of this is all domestically made and not cheap junk. So yeah, he'll get a lot of gifts.

BUT we also believe in giving! We give toys to hospitals, we give toys to salvation army, we give a gift to every person we care about. I begin shopping in October and make a huge effort to get people the things that would matter to them. DS is watching this I and I hope we not only allow him tyo experience the joy of receiving, but also the joy of giving. (Haven't you ever given somone a gift that brought tears to their eyes? nothing better)

[laohaire]

Originally Posted by SheBear

Makes it a bit hard for me to give him gifts that delight and surprise...he just takes it all in stride a bit too much! It's somewhat frustrating, when I've put so much thought and effort and emotion into the gift selection, only for him to be mostly nonplussed by it.

Oh, this is so me, especially when my parents give me a gift. I'm awful, I really am. I'm not usually even aware of it at the time, but just later think "oh, man, did I even say thank you??" or sometimes catch myself actually groaning when they (they = my mom) give me something. So this is the thing I really have to work on. I'm better with other people because I have my public face on, but even so, it's politeness rather than genuine enthusiasm from me.

I have been trying to work on my mom, though, and she's trying. For example, she's paying for DD's swim lessons at the YMCA and I do keep telling her (and this is a fact, not just politeness) that DD loves it, it's her favorite thing in the whole world. But unfortunately even though she knows I feel really oppressed by "stuff" she likes to shop, and I'm the only child (and DD the only grandchild) to shop for. But it still makes me cringe on so many levels. In addition to the "stuff" aspect, there's the fact that my father wants to semi-retire but my mom spends too much money. Can you imagine how I feel when she blows hundreds of dollars at a shot on us? I can even get myself worked up into a real state of resentment imagining maybe if my father were to get sick or something and not be able to work anymore, and I have to support my parents. I cannot describe to you how much I wish I could cash in all the crap my mother bought me all my life - and just give it back to them so they aren't a danger of being a burden to me. They would seriously be millionaires if they had saved that money in an interest bearing account instead of spending it on me.

Oh, my, I go off topic. But I guess it relates in small part to my lack of real desire to buy DD presents when everyone else seems to have that covered for her.

[Tigerchild]

Originally Posted by SheBear

Bolding mine. This is SUCH an awesome idea! Wish I had the balls to do that.....

No, actually, I wish dh did! I asked him yesterday if he'd please ask his mother where the Barbie doll came from so we could return it and get dd a suitable alternative, but he won't....he'd rather just craigslist it or give it away without a word, rather than stand up to his mother. I personally don't get it, but I don't feel like it's fair to dh to force the issue.

To be honest, your DH's approach might be the best way to approach it with his mother. You have to weight any psychotic behavior or fallout with how in your face you get--the end goal is to enjoy yourself at the holidays, not get back at someone, KWIM?

I took a very head on, blunt approach with my parents because frankly that is the only thing they respect. And I did have to deal with my mom's outbursts for about a year afterwards, but luckily she's long distance so it was easy to shrug them off. Basically, though, my dad got the message loud and clear, and generally he respects a line drawn in the sand, as long as you demonstrate you're not a wimp.

If it had just been my mom, I would have still donated, but not sent the card--since she's incapable of respect or reason for me, anyway, and it would have just fed in to her poor persecuted me complex without the mitigating presence of my dad, and would have just been mean, since she's incapable of reading the message behind it.

[bandgeek]

I made some stuff but did not buy anything except some stocking stuffers (toothbrushes, chapstick, candy, ect).

They will get stuff from their dad, 3 grandparents, DD's nurse got them 2 gifts EACH (she spoils them I swear), my dbf will probably get them something, and we are being sponsored by hospice.

So no, I won't be buying them anything, my apartment isn't big enough.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by meemee

esp. for me. coz i LOOOOOOOOOOOVE getting gifts. and i HATE saving it for an occasion. i want to give it NOW and see her face light up.

This is where we're heading. When I buy something I know someone will love, it's so hard to me to wait to give it to them. And more and more it just seems senseless to do so. Why wait?

[olivia751]

Hello friends,

I love to buy gift for everyone. I always buy something for my family and friends and i know whatever i buy they love that. Recently i read an article on the Gifts and their significance there i got many things about gifts significance. The article is really good.


Regards,
Olivia