When did you come to accept the fact that babies are born when they're ready?

[WindyCityMom]

I'm just curious Some people have felt that way all along- but for some, there was just a time of acceptance where it became clear to them. How did you come to understand this? I'm just curious and would like to start a discussion about this, since having babies pre-DD is becoming ever so popular. I'm getting to the point where I understand it- in the back of my mind I fully understand it, but my pregnant mind doesn't want to accept it. It's so much easier to come to terms with when you're not pregnant

[MegBoz]

Interesting Q. Intellectually, I accepted it from the start.
Emotionally, it was harder to deal with.

My sister went early, MIL, Mom & grandmom right around due dates. I read that, of women who exercise through their pregnancies (defined as moderate to high intensity, 3X per week, for 20min or more), 75% deliveredy pre-DD! (Although Dr. Clapp's research didn't separate primiparas vs. multiparas in this calculation.)

I continued to teach aerobics, lift weights, etc. through my entire pregnancy. I was CONVINCED I'd go pre-40W. (DH thought so too.) When I made it to 40W, I already 'felt' late. When I made it to 41W, I was INSANE!

But I just knew he'd come when he was ready. I HATE HATE HATED the waiting & not knowing. If I'd known from the start I'd have to wait until 41W4D, I could have lived with it.

But it was just going to bed every night, hoping to be woken up in labor, only to continue day-in, day-out with not even a single BH ctrx, well, it was hard.

But, ya know what? I think that is going to be hard no matter what. The waiting, the not knowing stinks. Period. Even though we know it's best to let nature take it's course, even though we're glad we made it to term (since we know how rough it is for a baby to be premature), it doesn't matter. It's just plain sucks to have to wait. & I don't think there is any way around that!

[JennTheMomma]

I've always thought that. Hunter came at 41 weeks, no biggie.

[Astraia]

With my daughter, I was TERRIFIED of going "late." Flat out petrified. I knew it would mean a pitocin induction and I'd never heard a good pitocin story at that point- it would also mean no home birth, and I hate hate hate hospitals. So I knew then, as far as my midwives were concerned, 42 weeks was the end of the road. No "when the baby is ready" business.

After she was born (at 40+2) I started reading more on MDC, doing more research on post-dates and the actual need to induce. Now I believe babies come when ready. I think that extra monitoring is a good idea past a certain point (haven't decided what that point is, really) but overall babies will come when they come and I'm at peace about that.

[ShadowMoon]

I felt that way from the start. As long as everything's going smoothly, baby is doing well, and mom is healthy why rush it? Humans were being born waaay before modern technology came along. Gestation time is an average number. Some come before, some come later.

[Gena 22]

This is a very interesting question. Pre-babies I would have said it's obvious that babies come when they're ready. Induction is really, really wrong. Now, well, yes, I believe babies come when they're ready, but it's not as black and white.

Here's my experience. I was a primipara carrying twins. My midwife was going on vacation, my husband was antsy and my OBs had told me every minute part 38 weeks was risking fetal death. Now I know the first two are issues of emotion and convenience, and therefore have little validity. The last is flat out wrong. But at the time I made the best decision I could and took castor oil (after trying other things) at just before 39 weeks.

Labor was not ideal, but I had those babies at home! Great birth. One baby was covered in vernex and clearly wanted another week or two. The other baby was smaller but looked to me like she wanted out. Another problem was both babes were pushing for the exit and their bodies were kinda locked. One of the assistants needed to hold one so the other could descend.

Without being able to descend, would Baby A been able to trigger labor? Would Baby B been OK for however much longer my body would have carried them? I'm not confident that the answer to both is yes.

I wholeheartedly believe the average gestational age for primiparas and spontaneous labor is 41w1d. And I think induction by any means is a drastic step, not to be undertaken lightly. But I do think there is a time and a place for it. Some moms and babes need a little help.

[Sk8ermaiden]

I felt that way as soon as I started researching birth. Good thing too, as DD was a 42 weeker!

[Happiestever]

Originally Posted by MegBoz

Interesting Q. Intellectually, I accepted it from the start.
Emotionally, it was harder to deal with.

But I just knew he'd come when he was ready. I HATE HATE HATED the waiting & not knowing. If I'd known from the start I'd have to wait until 41W4D, I could have lived with it.

But it was just going to bed every night, hoping to be woken up in labor, only to continue day-in, day-out with not even a single BH ctrx, well, it was hard.

But, ya know what? I think that is going to be hard no matter what. The waiting, the not knowing stinks. Period. Even though we know it's best to let nature take it's course, even though we're glad we made it to term (since we know how rough it is for a baby to be premature), it doesn't matter. It's just plain sucks to have to wait. & I don't think there is any way around that!

Very well said. This is exactly how I feel, I know baby probably won't come until 41+ weeks, but it is so nice to think that there is a slight chance of meeting them sooner. And when you see so many others who are due around the day you are having babies, it makes it so much harder.

[MsBlack]

So....windycity! I guess you didn't have your baby yet?

I don't know, I think it's like anything else in life: all we have is one minute at a time, ours to enjoy or do whatever else with. Today, I am pregnant...today is a day to breathe, and be alive.

Why does there need to be a defined time--an answer, a handle on it all? Life just doesn't seem to be that way.

I only once went overdue out of 6 pregnancies, lucky me. But that time, I did wake up and have a little cry every day for the last 10 days or so. So for me that time, it was "today, I am STILL pregnant, and IT SUCKS, boo hoohoo!" And then I'd be done, and get on with my day...today, I am still pregnant and baking....sweeping....playing with DD....whatever.

I guess like anything else I came to see it as everything is--practice for being in the here and now, choosing to enjoy that or not (but still my choice, either way).

[Mrsboyko]

As soon as I found out I was pregnant (both time actually) I figured out my Due date. Then I added 10 days to that and that is the date I gave everyone. That is the date I used in my head whenever I though about baby's birth. I do think it helped. At no point in either pregnancy did I feel D.O.N.E. till the last 2 days with DD and never with DS.

It kinda backfired with DS birth though. I went into labor at 37.5 weeks and he was born at 38 weeks. With my "corrected" date, he was like 3.5 weeks early. I was SO not ready for him yet.

[smeisnotapirate]

I was totally unaccepting of that for DS's birth, despite saying it the whole time. He came at 40w5d by c-section. I'd been in labor for 3 days, and I was exhausted and consented, even though there was a good possibility that had I just rested when I went into labor, it wouldn't have been an issue.

This time, I'm really zen. I went through hell with DS's labor and birth, and I'm not doing it again. I will relish those last few weeks of getting exclusive time with DS, because now I know that baby is easier to take care of in than out. I have a MW who is totally cool with a 42w time period, and if I pass it, we'll just make sure everything still looks good. I've decided that when I go into labor, I'm going to sleep. When I can't sleep any more, I will take a shower. When I can't do that any more, I will set up my birth pool, etc. I will take care of myself, instead of being so antsy.

So yeah, it took a hellish birth for me to really get the picture. This time, I'm zen. 43w, here I come!

[WindyCityMom]

I thoroughly enjoyed the responses It's interesting to see how everyone sees and feels about this besides the actual common sense "it's not time until baby decides that it's time" concensus.

MsBlack- Nope, no baby yet! I go through a moment during the morning hours when I wake up. Kind of like a routine. I check the bed- no rupture of membranes. I assess myself for crampiness and contractions. I then decide that "eh, baby will come when she's ready". My prodromal hasn't been as bad (I've been sleeping well now) so I think it's been easier for me to accept and understand this plain fact I did lose my plug today, had a little pink mucous, and surprisingly I'm calm and going about things as normal. She'll come when she wants- My midwives even have my EDD as a different date on the charts so instead of being 42 weeks, I'll be 42w5d when they have to give me up for induction. How I'll feel at that point is beyond me, but in my heart I'm comfy going to 43 weeks. It's that irrational part of my brain that tells me every so often that this baby needs out.

[MsBlack]

"this baby needs out"???

or maybe more like "I need this baby out!" ???



Glad you are getting more rest, and *mostly* being at peace with continuing pregnancy! I really doubt you'll go to 43wks, maybe only because not that many women do. But since you're not even at due date yet, it's just as well to be ok with being pregnant.

Oh yeah, hurray for mucus plugs and a teensy bit of bloody show Just a sign that all the pesky prodromal is getting you there!

[WindyCityMom]

I told ya it was the irrational part of my brain speaking!

I'm happy that I'm progressing this time, even though I'm in my 38th week. With DD nothing happened- seriously, nothing. With her, had I let her be and been a bit (ok, a lot) wiser about things, I'm sure I could have easily gone to 43 weeks. She had really dry, cracked, raw, and irratated skin (some was actually slightly bloody it was so cracked). No vernix at all at 41w2d. She was posterior and my cervix wasn't doing its thing, though I wish i'd have given it more time. THIS baby is starting to turn probably why I haven't got much prodromal anymore, and why I'm already dilated and having the mucous.

ETA: I'm still kind of fighting with myself about DDs birth- and I think this is why I've had so much trouble coming to terms with leaving this baby "be" until recently. I don't know if DD would have been fine in there much longer, seeing the condition of her skin when she came out. In a way I wonder how much longer she'd have lasted before something went wrong. BUT then again, the other half of me says that because I allowed an induction at 41w2d, I let her out before she was ready to come out- even though all signs point to her being pretty cooked. That question- was she ready or not- eats at me still, 2 years later.

[MsBlack]

Well, I had a *most likely* necessary csec for my last birth--one I even requested myself (UC transfer). And the question of whether or not it really was necessary still eats at me sometimes still. So I guess that is the way it is sometimes.

It does sound like your dd1 really did need to get born when she did--or perhaps would have come on her own, within a couple days. Who can say what was going on for the 2 of you then--perhaps your health, or just that pregnancy, wasn't as picture perfect as is best for babies. In any event...that was then, this is now. And it sure seems you are having all the good signs of labor by installments, and a birth going to happen in good time

[Belle]

Years before I was ever pregnant a co-worker of mine was raving about her OB. She was really happy that he induced everybody. I recoiled in horror. Even as mainstream as I was then, it seemed like a bad idea to blanket induce everbody.

I was pretty zen about it during my first pregnancy. Until the prodromal labor hit. Two weeks or so of stop and go contractions were more than I could bear. I was very blessed to have her at 38+4.

Next baby, same thing. I would get contractions 5 minutes apart of 3 or 4 hours at a time and then they would abruptly stop. This went on for two weeks also. I was not zen the night before she was born.

[MsBlack]

oops, forgot to mention

My last baby was born by csec nearly 12yrs ago! So I'm saying that the questions about one's birth can burn for a long time....our births are so important to us and they should be.

I will say tho, that for me it's not nearly as troubling now as it once was to ponder those questions; it's well over and done, we've healed and moved on (most days anyway ) and life is good!

[GoBecGo]

Intellectually i knew i wasn't going to go for an induction unless the baby was proven to be immediate danger of some sort, but emotionally i only really accepted that babies will come when ready at 41+5, the day after she was born. Of course with hindsight OBVIOUSLY she was going to be born, but by the time i was in labour i'd figured she was staying in there forever.

[WindyCityMom]

I'm only 2yrs post birth with DD1 and I guess I do have a long way to go, and will probably never stop pondering those things.

I am happy to report that I lost another HUGE chunk of bloody plug today, so my mind has stopped wandering and wondering if she'll stay in there until preschool

It is so much easier to comprehend when there's no prodromal, no pressure to get them out, no people around you all having inductions, etc. Surprisingly, even during early pregnancy I felt in my heart (and knew in my head) that baby would come when ready- and that's when I was even further away from my "due date". A week ago I was losing my mind wondering "when". Now, at 6 days pre-"due date", I'm more content with the idea. It does seem like for alot of us, the closer we get, the more irrational we get about it, until we get close enough and start coming to peace with it.

[MsBlack]

[QUOTE=Now, at 6 days pre-"due date", I'm more content with the idea. It does seem like for alot of us, the closer we get, the more irrational we get about it, until we get close enough and start coming to peace with it.[/QUOTE]

Sounds like a woman approaching labor to me!