When did you come to accept the fact that babies are born when they're ready? - Page 2

[erin_brycesmom]

I pretty much always felt that way. Even 7 years ago as a FTM, before I found AP/NL and this site or any similar type of site, I had no desire to induce my baby. I was on a mainstream birth board and watched all of them get induced before their due date one after the other and knew that I did not want that for myself. Still, I went to 42 weeks and 4 days and at that time baby failed NST and low fluid, yada yada yada and I felt that I had to do it at that point. So I went ahead with an induction 18 days past my due date and was the very last person to give birth in my due date club, lol. Due Feb 18th, born March 7th, induced. My dates were 100% accurate.

During the 2 years in between ds1 and ds2, I researched post dates pregnancy pretty obsessively. I stood firm and refused induction with ds2 who came on his own at 42 weeks. Then with dd and ds3, I said bump this and went the homebirth route. We lost dd half way through but ds3 came on his own at 41+2. Loved not having any pressure with a looming induction going the homebirth route.

[Peony]

I've always known that, but knowing and being vastly pg are things that can be at odds with each other. With DD1 I was utterly shocked when labor occurred at 38 weeks, I fully expected to go to 41 weeks or so. It happened again with DD2. Then 38 weeks came and went with DS, and 39, 40. I think I went a little crazy during those weeks waiting, while I knew I'd never do anything about it, waiting sucks. I finally got to a place where I was sure I'd be pg forever, and then the little bugger decided to arrive. Despite staying in there 2+ weeks longer then the girls, and being a full 2 lbs heavier then they were, he was absolutely covered in vernix. He was also slower to start after being born then the others where, nothing to be concerned over, he was a UC so I just rubbed him. He was quite purple but the color slowly faded. He really did need those extra weeks to mature, I feel that had he came earlier that maybe he would of needed more assistance, there was a good reason he wasn't born before.

[BetsyS]

Everyone in my family is late. We're late people by nature. I was born "a month late" according to family lore, though my mom's cycles were irregular, and dating wasn't 100% in the 70s, of course. I probably was still 2 weeks late, just judging by my pictures.

I'm one of those people that have to set clocks ahead to get anywhere on time. LOL. So, the idea of going "early" is just foreign to me, honestly.

My boys were born at 41 and 41 5/7 weeks. I'm pregnant again, and I added 10 days to my due date, because I know I'll probably have a scheduled c-section this time, and I don't want to go too early.

[fruitfulmomma]

Intellectually, I accepted it from the start.
Emotionally, it was harder to deal with.

This.

My earliest baby was my first at 40.5 weeks past lmp. Their supposed to come earlier in subsequent babies. Hahaha. Next baby was over 42 weeks. Next three were close to 44, a little over 41, and 44 again.

Okay, so my cycles are long and tend to be wonky, so I highly doubt I ovulate on day 14. EDD's never take that into account though. An early ultrasound might have helped but they are still not 100%.

With my last baby I came up with about 6 different dates by using different methods of dating. Depending on which one I used she was either really late or somewhat early. When she was born she was covered in vernix and the midwife estimated her to be 39 weeks gestation. Problem with that is, counting back 39 weeks I know for absolute certain I had already gotten a positive pregnancy test and had my first prenatal the week she would have been conceived.

So, maybe my babies just need to cook longer. And I am okay with that. My biggest stressor is other peoples need to interfere with the process and demand that something is wrong with me, my baby, our bodies, our midwife isn't doing enough, etc... Whatever. I am not telling anyone, even my husband, my edd next time.

[S.Elise]

I've gotten to the point where when people ask me when I am "due" I say "sometime between December 21 and January 25" (i.e., 37-42 weeks). Or I say "the 40 week mark is January 11th, but last time my son came early so anytme from next week on". I like to educate people at the 40 week/"due date" thing is a construct, much like the myth that every woman ovulates at day 14 of her cycle.

I mean, does it suddenly get cold every year exactly on labor day? Does every crocus come out each spring at 11 am on March 23? NO! These are natural processes with millions of variables we can't possibly understand that have a timeline of their own. Its so destructive to think about women's bodies as machines which must be drugged and operated on if they don't adhere to an artificial timeline, especially when we have excellent data showing that on most all cases, absent observable problems which of course should be monitored, anything in the 37-42 week range is perfectly safe for mom and baby.

As a mom who had her first (fully developed and healthy) kid at 38.5 weeks, I know that here is no "due date"...there is a large range EVEN WHEN you know your dates (I did since I was charting, guessing many people do not).

[smeisnotapirate]

Someone in my DDC just posted this article on Due Dates:here. It's written about VBAC, but it has relevance to everyone. My "traditional" due date for this baby is April 28, but I know that there's no way on G-d's green earth that I'll give birth (barring complications) before May, so I've been lying to everyone and saying May 4.

I think making sure people know it could be any time is a great idea, and I love when people give due months and not dates.

[Irishmommy]

If that is so, then why do some babies decide they need to be born at 30 weeks. 25 weeks. 20 weeks. Earlier?

[justmandy]

I will be 40 weeks tomorrow. I have been induced for my other 3 babies and all of them were born at 37-38 weeks. I am accepting this every day, several times a day. I believe it and want to go into labor spontainiously but emotionally, especially with prodromal labor playing Jedi mind tricks on me, it's hard.

A week ago, my mw told me I didn't really know what natrual labor was like and that was so freeing. I have no expectations. With no expectiations, there's no disapointment. I have been pretty peaceful since then (you know as peaceful as a fullterm mama gets!)

[annekh23]

Originally Posted by Irishmommy

If that is so, then why do some babies decide they need to be born at 30 weeks. 25 weeks. 20 weeks. Earlier?

I think that's what some medical researchers are trying to find out. If we ever do have an in depth answer to this, we may find that some babies born after 37 weeks were born early for them and their mother and maybe that some babies born before that time were also born at the right time for them.

We know full well that whatever the mechanism is that it sometimes produces babies too early, so it doesn't seem at all unreasonable that it will also produce some babies too late and thus based on the facts we have now there are going to be some inductions that are definitely a good choice.

But it's exceedingly complex, I mean if a mum gets severe PE, which is something going wrong, you could also argue that it's yet another thing going wrong that the body doesn't necessarily go into labour to save the mother and hopefully the child and that doctors have to intervene.

It wouldn't surprise me that if all this was figured out that we'd actually remove some of the emotional issue because instead of saying any time, we might be able to do tests that narrowed that window and know what to do to prevent the baby coming before that window and know that going beyond that window really wasn't safe.

Though based on what we know now that kind of indepth understanding is verging on science fiction!

[WindyCityMom]

Originally Posted by justmandy

A week ago, my mw told me I didn't really know what natrual labor was like and that was so freeing. I have no expectations. With no expectiations, there's no disapointment.

I totally feel that way now! Though it does make me a bit nervous of how the heck I'll even know I'm in labor.... it's freeing to know that this will be an entire new experience, and though it gets me excited, I'm not anxious.

[loveneverfails]

I personally was a nervous wreck leading up to my 1st natural birth, but the 2nd go around I was going late and didn't really care. I figured there was nothing I could really do about it either way, and that the longer I stayed pregnant the greater likelihood that "tomorrow" really would be the day I would give birth. I mean, no one stays pregnant forever. It doesn't happen.

It also helped a lot to give myself permission to mess with people's heads and to be The World's Worst Pregnant Lady EVER! Reponses to pregnancy related questions included:

When are you due?
* What do you mean? I'm not pregnant!
* Not for another 3 months!
* I was due 6 months ago.
* SHHHHH!!! Don't be so loud! My husband doesn't know that I'm pregnant yet.

Late term pregnancy is as miserable as you make it be, to a large extent. And the "overdue" experience I had the most fun with was the one where I wound up giving birth to an 11 lber and physically that was strenuous up until birth. If you hit your due date, you know that it would be pretty unusual to have more than 2 weeks left. In the entire scope of your lives together, that 2 weeks won't really make much of a difference to you or your baby.

The most miserable "overdue" experience I had was when I had so much invested in the entire "this birth is part of my self and my becoming a mother" and it wound up putting too much pressure on me. Anxiety doesn't help you go into labor either. I'd really recommend treating birth as just a part of life, something that will happen when it happens and you'll take it right in that moment. Especially since you're having an UC, just plan to ignore everything until you can't. If you think you're in labor? Sleep! If you can't sleep, clean your house.

You've already got a child, so you know how much the uncertainty of when you're going to give birth pales in comparison to so much of what will happen in that child's life. Who benefits from worrying about if you're going to have your baby tomorrow or in 3 weeks? You don't. Your baby does. Your husband and daughter don't benefit either.

From all your posts that I've read, I see a consistent theme of you deeply caring about your children but almost to a point where it starts to become counterproductive. An immune response is a really good and healthy thing, but there's autoimmune disease as well. An intuitive concern about a real issue is something that everyone needs to be willing to listen to, but you can have an emotional autoimmune response as well where your worries aren't serving an useful purpose and may cause harm to you.

Good luck!!! Maybe try to have a glass of wine and get some rest. That baby will be coming soon, and the more time you have to rest and prepare for that birth, the better.

[Irishmommy]

Originally Posted by annekh23

I think that's what some medical researchers are trying to find out. If we ever do have an in depth answer to this, we may find that some babies born after 37 weeks were born early for them and their mother and maybe that some babies born before that time were also born at the right time for them.

We know full well that whatever the mechanism is that it sometimes produces babies too early, so it doesn't seem at all unreasonable that it will also produce some babies too late and thus based on the facts we have now there are going to be some inductions that are definitely a good choice.

But it's exceedingly complex, I mean if a mum gets severe PE, which is something going wrong, you could also argue that it's yet another thing going wrong that the body doesn't necessarily go into labour to save the mother and hopefully the child and that doctors have to intervene.

It wouldn't surprise me that if all this was figured out that we'd actually remove some of the emotional issue because instead of saying any time, we might be able to do tests that narrowed that window and know what to do to prevent the baby coming before that window and know that going beyond that window really wasn't safe.

Though based on what we know now that kind of indepth understanding is verging on science fiction!

So you ARE saying that babies choose to be born way too early? Why?

[smokeylo]

Like a previous poster said, intellectually I'm totally on board with "baby decides." But I have to admit that I'm not quite 36w pregnant and obsessing over when this baby will get here!! I'm mostly convinced this baby will get here a bit on the early side, and I think I just want to feel like my instincts are good! But I know I could go to my due date or later. I think we're supposed to feel pretty fed up with pregnancy towards the end, so I try not to feel too guilty about having my own ideas of a good time to be born conflict with the baby's readiness. And I'm the first to tell my first time friends that the avg FTM goes at 41w, and that only 5% give birth on their EDDs. Yet here I am, saying hmmmmmm -- maybe this baby WILL come at 38 weeks!!

[MegBoz]

Originally Posted by loveneverfails

It also helped a lot to give myself permission to mess with people's heads and to be The World's Worst Pregnant Lady EVER!

I love that! That's awesome!

[gcgirl]

Originally Posted by annekh23

I think that's what some medical researchers are trying to find out. If we ever do have an in depth answer to this, we may find that some babies born after 37 weeks were born early for them and their mother and maybe that some babies born before that time were also born at the right time for them.

We know full well that whatever the mechanism is that it sometimes produces babies too early, so it doesn't seem at all unreasonable that it will also produce some babies too late and thus based on the facts we have now there are going to be some inductions that are definitely a good choice.

But it's exceedingly complex, I mean if a mum gets severe PE, which is something going wrong, you could also argue that it's yet another thing going wrong that the body doesn't necessarily go into labour to save the mother and hopefully the child and that doctors have to intervene.

It wouldn't surprise me that if all this was figured out that we'd actually remove some of the emotional issue because instead of saying any time, we might be able to do tests that narrowed that window and know what to do to prevent the baby coming before that window and know that going beyond that window really wasn't safe.

Though based on what we know now that kind of indepth understanding is verging on science fiction!

Great post! This is my line of thinking as well. It's not so black and white. Of course, I'm also one of those that doesn't *trust* nature to *know best* - if nature was perfect we'd never have to worry about appendicitis.

OTOH, I've also never understood why SO MANY women are induced at the drop-dead date - 41 or 42 weeks has never seemed like such a big deal to me! Even before I started looking into it and found MDC. I don't see a problem with monitoring after a certain point, but OBs get way too stressed about it.