Any moms with DPs who came around to the idea of EBF?

[InMediasRes]

I nursed DS until he was 19 mo. I was pg at the time and it was miserable. I also had supply issues with him and was nervous about having enough milk for him and the baby.

I had told DH at the time that I wanted to nurse DS until he was 2 (the "at least" part I said in my head). He was okay with this, but he wanted to be able to put DS to bed w/o nursing and give me breaks and such, which was fine. I still was never able to go anywhere overnight or at bedtime until well after I weaned him, and now I have DD who is happily nursing at 9.5mo, and I have absolutely no plans of weaning her soon.

Well, DH is starting to talk about weaning her sooner than DS, as if he were the one doing it! He really only brings it up occasionally, like "Wouldn't it be nice for you to take a little vacation with your sister once DD is weaned? Maybe you could wean her sooner than DS so you could do that next Christmas or something."

I told him about wanting to nurse (if she wants to) until 2, but I really would be okay going longer than that if she wants to. I'm a little nervous about talking to him about it though because he thinks it's strange that I even want to go that long. Has anyone's DP come around to the idea of CLW or BFing past 2? How did you go about the conversation? I'm nervous that he's going to start putting the pressure on when she turns one. I'm really happy that he wants to help so much, and give me a break, so I don't want to crush that aspect of it.

[treeoflife]

You have been honest in the past about your desire to nurse until two. I think continued discussion about it, in a casual way reinforces that.

My DH knew I hoped to nurse for a least two years. I'm not cerrain he loves the idea of extended nursing, but he knows it is important to me so he keeps quiet even though I think he never envisioned cosleeping and nursing around the clock. His vision of parenthood has had to change and I think internally it may be difficult. But he seems
to have accepted and even come around on it.

It's a soapbox issue for me. I am very vocal about how I feel about society's failings with regard to nursing and rearing our infants and I am working to become an IBCLC so it's a
subject I am passionate about.

One thing that has been helpful is my enthusiasm about it. I don't complain to him much about how hard it is to nurse all night long while DD is cutting a tooth or
complain that she is too dependent on me to sleep. I think it will help your DH to come around since you are positive about the whole experience.

[crunchy_mommy]

My DH was very reluctant about extended nursing... so I just started casually mentioning facts about it, benefits, etc. Every couple days I would mention something else. Withing a few months he was totally on board and now he thinks it's great that I want to let DS wean when he's ready!

I think since they don't generally do the research we do, they might not be as in-tune with how natural and beneficial it is... all they have to go by is our "wean by one" culture... so I'd say EDUCATE him

[ASusan]

Whenever anyone asked about weaning DS or whether he was still nursing, my standard reply was "The World Health Organization recommends nursing until 2." I let DH hear that as often as I had the opportunity. This fall, as DS neared 24 months, I started adding things like, "I want him to have the immune benefits throughout this cold and flu season." and "Since he can't have (dairy, egg, wheat, peanut...), I want him to have total nutrition until he is able to (take vitamins, eat more things...)."

I also use the "excuse" that it (extended nursing) helps us have generally easy nights. We just can't manage night weaning until we have a few days off work. (for us, that's the end of the semester...and I think I can delay through the holidays/family visits if I need an occasion to put it off further.)

[nia82]

No, he didn't come around and it is a huge issue between us. I do it anyway. Educating does not help, despite all the facts he still thinks he knows better and he claims that it would be better for DS to not nurse.
If anybody knows how to convince DH, please let me know...

[Plaid Leopard]

My DH has never really come around to it - he makes comments every once in a while. But he has never found a truly valid reason why they should NOT EBF so...
ds1 nursed until he was 4 1/2, dd until age 5 1/2, ds2 weaned a little after 3 years because I was pregnant, and ds3 turned 2 in Sept and is still going strong.

[jillmamma]

Originally Posted by nia82

No, he didn't come around and it is a huge issue between us. I do it anyway. Educating does not help, despite all the facts he still thinks he knows better and he claims that it would be better for DS to not nurse.
If anybody knows how to convince DH, please let me know...

Mine is sort of like this...he is pretty cool about it till age 2 or so, but beyond that, he thinks I am nuts. My oldest was close to 5 when he stopped (last year or two was just at night before bed), and my now 4 year old is tapering off to a couple of nights before bed per week. He gets all sarcastic about it if she does ask to nurse, like "Oh, you don't need to do that!", but my feelings about it are that primarily it is a relationship between mother and child, and when one or both of them are ready to stop is when it will happen. He can put her to bed fine w/o nursing if I am away, it does not affect their relationship at ALL during the day, so I guess I don't get what his problem is? His big hangup was, they are going to preschool and still nursing? Um, yeah...they don't ask or usually need it at all while at school, so what is the big deal? Kind of like keeping my DD rear facing in her carseat till 4+...it is SO much safer, she was within the limits of the seat, she had no issues with being RF, *I* did all the carseat installations, so why should it bother him?? I am willing to discuss and negotiate our differences in parenting on most things, but something that research supports for the health and safety of my child that I can do w/o any extra cost or inconvenience for him...no I am not budging on that. He has learned where the stubbornness in his daughter comes from. My response to him is, look, I have researched this thoroughly, everything I read says that this IS our best option, it does not cost you or inconvenience you, so why not? Can you show me some research on your part that shows this to be detrimental in some way? Then he at least will be quiet about it and quit bugging me to stop.

[LadyCatherine185]

My DH is def ok with it until age 2, but after that I don't think he's so sure. But DS is only 16 months, so I do have a little while to worry about that.

My brother was totally against EBF with their son, would often say "if they are too old to ask for it, they're too old!" and would push my SIL to wean around the 1 year mark. Well, SIL didn't listen, and is still BF'ing my 21 mo nephew! My brother is fine with it now, and hasn't pushed for weaning in a long time. Not sure what changed, but I think because they get older and the relationship evolves so slowly, it is hard to pinpoint an actual TIME when nursing seems "not right" anymore for the outside parties.

I would just talk with your DH, tell him you did some research and you would really like to nurse until at least 2, possibly CLW, and see how he takes it. If he is not happy about it, it is ultimately you and your child's decision.

[Tjej]

My DH isn't totally on board (DS just turned 2), but he only occassionally comments about it.

You can get it so your child can go to sleep without you and still nurse, though. You can make things more flexible. With my DS I have gone on a 5 day trip (DS was 1 1/2)and he slept over at his grandparents house one night (recently), and he still nurses just fine. I also volunteer one night a week and DH puts DS to bed then, and I go nurse him later when I get home.

So there are ways to have more flexibility and nurse an older child. Maybe your DH would be happy with things if it was more flexible. Or maybe he'd be like my DH and NOT...

Tjej