How to help a friend who feeds her 3 m.o. solids and candy

[sparklett]

Hi mamas,

Yesterday I visited with a friend and her 3 month old son. She is very young and this is her first baby. During our visit, she told me (with great pride) that she started her son on solids at 10 weeks and he's currently eating applesauce and bananas. During lunch, she let the baby suck on watermelon flavored Laffy Taffy candy and talked about how he sucks soda through a straw.

The baby has a weird rash on his forehead/hairline. It's a bunch of circles with tiny pimples within the circles. She said it started when the weather turned cold, but that was also the time she started the solids.

Now, before you tell me that I need to sit down and have a hard conversation with her, it might be helpful to know that she lives with her husband's parents and her husband is undergoing treatment for a form of mental instability. She is working full time and is totally on the defensive. She is very mainstream, as is her family.

I feel it would be wrong to just let this be, but I need some help on how I should go about talking to her about this. Are there any studies on the harm caused by starting solids so early, as well as feeding refined sugar? She has the Dr. Sears book and has never opened it.

Help??

[berry987]

Yikes.

I've heard early introduction to solids leads to obesity later in life. I'm sure you can find a study if you google this, but I don't have any to quote. Maybe mentioning that will strike a cord with her - all parents in this day and age, including mainstream ones, tend to fear obesity for their kids.

[Fuamami]

Originally Posted by sparklett

Now, before you tell me that I need to sit down and have a hard conversation with her, it might be helpful to know that she lives with her husband's parents and her husband is undergoing treatment for a form of mental instability. She is working full time and is totally on the defensive. She is very mainstream, as is her family.

I feel it would be wrong to just let this be, but I need some help on how I should go about talking to her about this. Are there any studies on the harm caused by starting solids so early, as well as feeding refined sugar? She has the Dr. Sears book and has never opened it.

Help??

In light of this information, I don't think it would be so bad to just let it go. She's probably very stressed out. If I were you, I would lightly mention that your friend had a baby with lots of rashes and they had to really eliminate sugar, or you saw it on Oprah, or something along those lines.

I posted once on here about my daycare child and how much sugar her parents fed her, and a lot of people told me it was none of my business. I've been thinking about that lately and decided that while it's not very healthy, there's worse things you can do than feed your kid too much sugar.

[2xshy]

i would mind my own business.

if she asks for your opinion then sure you can give it but how other people feed their children is really none of my business.

fwiw my daughter had a rash on her face off and on a lot when she was an infant and was EBF till almost 7 months and even then we did baby led solids.

[not_telling]

I gotta say I'm horrified by this.
But, like you, I'm wondering how nutritionally (or otherwise) harmful it actually is for the baby to being eating solids so early or to be having sugar.

Could you say something like, "wow, I've never heard of giving babies solid food before they're 6 months old. was it your pediatrician who suggested doing that?"

[Carlin]

Just as an aside, your description of her baby's rash sounds a lot like what I just read about Molluscum contagiosum. If that's what it is it is contagious so it might be worth watching your little ones for a few days just incase.

[gbailey]

I would stay out of it. Babies who eat solids so early are prone to food allergies but she may not want to hear it. Her parents may have fed her the same exact way and she may figure, "I turned out okay so I'll do the same for my baby."

It's sometimes hard to keep your mouth shut when you feel a parent is doing something detrimental to their child but we all parent differently and for some odd and ridiculous reason, giving her kid that crap works for her.

I am sure her pediatrician gives her advice about what a child should eat at that age. How unfortunate to give a baby all of that crap at 3 months of age or any age.

[flapjack]

You've lost the moment. If it happens again with a different mum, it's worth telling her that you're really glad you waited until 6 months/ did baby led weaning/ whatever your particular bag is, and why. But for this mum, I can't see anything that you can do differently now- by staying quiet, you've validated her decision

[baltic_ballet]

I don't think there is much you can do about this situation I am sure if you were to try and talk to about nutrition she would just ignore you.

Poor babe, being feed bad nutrition at such a young age is not healthy

[staceychev]

Just because she's a young mom doesn't mean that she wants to be told what she's doing wrong with her baby. Unless the child is in danger, I say, like the PPs, let it be. Sad but true. There are a lot of kids in the world who are being parented in horrible ways, some much worse than others.

[Dandelionkid]

Originally Posted by staceychev

Just because she's a young mom doesn't mean that she wants to be told what she's doing wrong with her baby. Unless the child is in danger, I say, like the PPs, let it be. Sad but true. There are a lot of kids in the world who are being parented in horrible ways, some much worse than others.

[LoMaH]

Originally Posted by gbailey

I would stay out of it. Babies who eat solids so early are prone to food allergies but she may not want to hear it. Her parents may have fed her the same exact way and she may figure, "I turned out okay so I'll do the same for my baby."

It's sometimes hard to keep your mouth shut when you feel a parent is doing something detrimental to their child but we all parent differently and for some odd and ridiculous reason, giving her kid that crap works for her.

I am sure her pediatrician gives her advice about what a child should eat at that age. How unfortunate to give a baby all of that crap at 3 months of age or any age.

Hopefully, this child will be lucky and end up totally fine.

My SIL used to feed my nephew small pieces of pizza and all sorts of stuff while he was still a newborn! He's an adult now, he (and his siblings) has no allergies/sensitivities whatsoever.

I'm the food nazi, always so cautious, so careful, organic whole foods, avoid allergens/additives/hormones/food colorings/yadda yadda, ...... my kids have sensitivities, go figure!

I'm glad sometimes life works itself in that way. They wouldn't have been able to feed my nephew all of the special foods that we can afford and I take the time to prepare for our kids. My poor nephew had other problems my children have never experienced.

Besides a gentle nudge if the topic comes up, there's not much you can do.

[dmpmercury]

This happen to me with a relative and I had to leave it be because they would not of responded to us saying something. The kid does have multiple allergies and I think some of them are from introducing foods so early. He was showing sensitivity to his formula and I knew I had a feeling he would develop allergies with all those foods he was having so early. Since he was sensitive the best approach would of been waiting and going really slow. If we commented they would not have lsitened and would not of taken it well.

[plunky]

It's possible to have a charitable view of this in any case. Feeding solids that early is definitely not ideal, but the other things...eh. The soda thing might've been a one timer thing playing with a straw. I can see being proud that a three month old was able to drink something with a straw and remarking on it to a friend. Doesn't necessarily mean that she drinks soda constantly. My mom definitely had given my DD a spoonful of ice cream by that time. I don't see sucking on Laffy Taffy as all that different.

[ainh]

My dad's kids in Costa Rica are all fed candy by the aunties by three months of age...especially around Christmas time. It's definitely not great (diabetes and obesity are problems in his wife's family), but it's probably not worth putting an already defensive person on the defense, you know?

And FWIW, my two boys have severe food allergies and I've done a ton of research (reading lots of peer-reviewed recent articles, as I'm a science geek) and it's not entirely clear what the deal is with allergies and early food introduction (they sway back and forth on this issue every few years!)

[plunky]

Originally Posted by ainh

And FWIW, my two boys have severe food allergies and I've done a ton of research (reading lots of peer-reviewed recent articles, as I'm a science geek) and it's not entirely clear what the deal is with allergies and early food introduction (they sway back and forth on this issue every few years!)

Indeed. My pediatrician's current stance is that it is irrelevant. I forget the researcher's name, but apparently the guy who came out very strongly against early adoption of common allergen foods has recently decided that his earlier research was wrong and that it makes no difference when foods are introduced.

So who knows. In any case, Laffy Taffy doesn't contain anything I was worried about with DD...like peanuts, nuts, seafood, etc that are allergies in our family already.

[Ruthla]

If she outright asks for advice about the rash, you could suggest that it could be a reaction to some of the things the baby is consuming, maybe suggest she ask the doctor about that. But if she doesn't bring it up, then let it be. It sounds like this whole family has some bigger issues right now, and infant nutrition isnt' making the top of the list. I assume the baby is still getting most of her nutrition from breastmilk and/or formula? As horrible as HFCS and synthetic dyes and flavors are for a 3mo, it still falls under the category of "a stupid thing to do" and not "child abuse or neglect" as long as the baby is filling up on breastmilk or a breastmilk substitute.

The woman's age isn't an important factor here. I've met 40yo moms who were "old and set in their ways" and just as unwilling to hear new information. The fact that she hasn't read the Baby Book she has is much more telling- if she was able and willing to absorb new parenting information right now, she would have devoured the book and followed most of the advice in it (or devoured several books and selected which information to follow.)

[gbailey]

Originally Posted by LoMaH

Hopefully, this child will be lucky and end up totally fine.

My SIL used to feed my nephew small pieces of pizza and all sorts of stuff while he was still a newborn! He's an adult now, he (and his siblings) has no allergies/sensitivities whatsoever.

I'm the food nazi, always so cautious, so careful, organic whole foods, avoid allergens/additives/hormones/food colorings/yadda yadda, ...... my kids have sensitivities, go figure!

I'm glad sometimes life works itself in that way. They wouldn't have been able to feed my nephew all of the special foods that we can afford and I take the time to prepare for our kids. My poor nephew had other problems my children have never experienced.

Besides a gentle nudge if the topic comes up, there's not much you can do.

LOL. So am I. I take great care into what DD eats and try to prepare healthy but tasty meals for her (for us all). I've been accused of "depriving" DD (she's only 19 months by the way) because we don't give her candy and Strawberry Nesquik but if I criticized the moms who accuse us depriving DD of feeding their kids poorly, they'd be angry and insulted.

ETA: I think most moms find it hard to differentiate whether a person is really giving well meaning advice/good info or just trying to insert their way. I don't mind if someone tells me, "you should try giving this to your daughter. I hear it's good for the immune system" because I'll go check it out. I like getting new info but if someone says, "don't you think your little girl is too big to be worn in a carrier" I feel like, "mind your own business. my body, my baby, my back. If I'm not complaining about my back bothering me then hush."

[BrittneyMarie]

yikes.

i'd personally keep my cringing to myself though. i dont like to hear nonsence about how i raise my child, so i try not to give others a hard time either. even if it is very poor parenting.

[pauletoy]

I am in the "mind your own business" camp too. However, if she ever mentions her feeding practices again you could tell her how you feed your children but not that what she is doing is wrong.