Niece is in foster care...help!

[Oliver'sMom]

We just found out that dh's sister's daughter has been placed in foster care. His uncle just told us in an email like it was no big deal at all . Dh is on the phone right now with his sister trying to get some more information.

His sister has been in a lot of trouble with drugs, prostitution, etc. for a long time now. I've called CPS a number of times in the past, and now finally something has happened.

We want our niece (26mo) to be with us, but we live in a different state and have no clue how to go about the steps of bringing her home.

Any help/advice would be much appreciated!!

TIA!

[Oliver'sMom]

dh just got off the phone with his sister. She said that she left her methadone on the table and the baby got into it. She waited to call the ambulance because she wasn't sure if the baby had eaten any. Well, she had . She spent three days in the hospital on anti-narcotic meds.

The good news is that she's doing fine now and is in a very loving home and is well taken care of. Her mom gets to see her twice a week, and call her everyday. She says she doesn't know how long she'll have to be there, maybe a couple of months...we'll see

It's infuriating that we're just now finding this all out. We just talked to family there and they didn't mention anything.

[Sierra]

Edited to say: I wrote this while you were writing your second post with the update. Glad she is in a loving foster home right now, and perhaps it is better for her to just settle in there if her mom is serious about getting her stuff together. My dd was bounced around in her early life, and it was really, really destructive.

Yikes! I am glad you heard. Some steps I would take:

1. I would track down the child's social worker. If the family is not forthcoming with a name, you can call the foster care office and let them know that you've just learned your neice is in care and want to speak with the social worker about her coming to live with you.

2. I would immediately inquire with your own state foster care office about local licensing requirements and start getting everything in order right away. They might hear the story and put you off, so be persistent and get the information and paperwork you need. If your neice is going to come to you, it will likely be through an ICPC (interstate agreement) and the state where you live will be responsible for verifying your suitability and probably managing the case. Things can get really delayed in the homestudy process, so act fast.

3. After that, I would send a letter to the social worker, perhaps via certified mail, stating in writing that you believe the best placement for your neice is with family and that you would like to care for her for as long as necessary. Having things in writing may end up being critical.

In most locations, family is a high priority for placement, and there may even be a legal obligation to place with family if at all possible. That said, if the goal is reunification, and you don't live in driving distance from dh's sister, you won't be in a position to support visitations, etc....thus you may not even have a chance of getting her in your care unless or until all possible avenues to reunification have been exhausted (which can take a VERY, VERY long time).

[Oliver'sMom]

Thanks so much for the reply!

I agree. I think she's in the best place for now. She's in a city that's quite far away from where her mom lives, and her mom has no car, so I don't know how often she'll actually get to see her though.

I think for now, we're just going to have to keep in contact as much as possible and be ready to take her in if circumstances change.

[mamarhu]

I would want to contact the social worker in any case. Changes sometimes happen quickly, and there could be more to the story than you have heard. If you get your name (and interest) into the file, they should let you know if there are any major changes in the plan.

[Oliver'sMom]

Thank you. Do I contact her social worker by calling her local CPS? Family isn't giving us any names.

[khaoskat]

I also highly advise you contact the local CPS office where your sister lives. Ask to speak with caseworker for your niece. I would also attempt to maintain some fairly regular contact (like once a month or every other month) with the caseworker. This way if things go bad for the SIL, and she is not able to regain custody, the caseworker is fully aware that there is a family member who is more than willing and able to take custody of the child. Otherwise, if they get to the statutory deadlines for permanent custody, you might be able to put in to stop it and take custody.

I would also contact the Court if the Court is involved and find out who the GAL is.

The State she lives in can request an interstate home study on your home. It generally takes about 2-3 months to get completed once the paperwork is done and submitted.

[Polliwog]

If the goal is reunification at this point, they probably wouldn't do an interstate home study on the OPs home, but I agree with what the rest of the posters have written.

Social services will help the baby's mother have visitation. Either the visitation location will be close to where she lives with someone transporting the baby (social worker, transporter, or foster parent) or they will help mom get to the visitation site (cab or bus fare, social worker driving her, etc.)

[Oliver'sMom]

We tried contacting CPS in her town, and they wouldn't give us any information whatsoever. We just asked for her social worker's name, and they said that was confidential . We tried telling them that we are family, etc...they just took down our number and said they would call us back. Yeah right. Now what do I do?

[queenjane]

Its likely that if your SIL hasnt started visitation yet, she will very shortly...ask her to write down the name and phone number of the worker who is in charge of the case. Here, many children are placed through private agencies, so contacting "CPS" might not help much. Also, your SIL should be going to court soon if she has not already and she should be notified of those court dates, as well as being appointed a lawyer to represent her during those dates. Here, i believe they have to go to court within either 24 or 72 hours (cant remember which) of removal, and then again at another point shortly after removal and then i believe every ninety days (minimum) thereafter. If you find out when a court date is, if its not too much of a hardship, you could attend...that is how my foster son's half sister ended up with relatives, she was in a foster home for a few months, but the relatives showed up in court and as soon as the judge was made aware there were willing relatives she was moved to them within a couple of days (they've since returned her to foster care, grrr) ---i realize your situation is different due to the out of state thing. But it would be good for the judge to realize there are interested relatives sooner rather than later.

Also, you might start putting all contact in writing in addition to calling, as its harder to "put you off" in writing, i believe it has to go into the file. You could even start with a general letter to "Supervisor of Foster Care, DHS" and send to the address for DHS in her area, explain all details in your letter (including your niece's full name and DOB if you have it, and your SILs full name and DOB if you have it), usually the supervisors take more direct action than just a foster care worker. I think if the foster care worker hears "out of state" they might think "paperwork nightmare"....sometimes you have to keep going up the chain of command. I told my foster care worker for my foster son that i want his sister placed with me but i need to move to a bigger place, and she completely blew me off. I may have to go up the chain.

Just coming from a foster parent perspective, if the case was headed to adoption, i would want to know sooner rather than later if there was a viable relative interested in the child. Sometimes foster workers tell the foster parent one thing, and the relatives another. I know a mom online who worked for nearly a year to get her niece from another state, and yet the foster parents were only told at the last minute and were under the impression they would be adopting.

Do you have any other relatives who live closer to your SIL who might be an option for placement?

[MommyKelly]

BTDT. And now we have a beautiful 5 yo dd, that cam to us at 2.5. ( Except bio mom is my cousin)

I called CPS daily until the SW called me back. I let her know we we happy to take her. She was in foster care in her home state for 8 months, until they decided to move her to us for perm placement. Bio mom had visits, and rehab, etc, etc, but never did all she was suppose to do. Luckily we were in place, and set up to take her.

[MommyKelly]

Originally Posted by queenjane

Just coming from a foster parent perspective, if the case was headed to adoption, i would want to know sooner rather than later if there was a viable relative interested in the child. Sometimes foster workers tell the foster parent one thing, and the relatives another. I know a mom online who worked for nearly a year to get her niece from another state, and yet the foster parents were only told at the last minute and were under the impression they would be adopting.

Sadly this is so true. Our dd's foster parents were told from the start dd and her 1/2 sib were fost / adopt. We came out of the woodwork 2 1/2 months after they had been placed ( We had just found out) and her sib went back with her birth dad. My heart broke for the foster family. We have been blessed to become friends with them though and they were at our adoption.

[khaoskat]

In Ohio, if the child is removed from the home, they do what is called a Shelter Care Hearing. That must be done within 24 hours (if during the working week) to at most 72 hours (usually happens on weekends). Normally CPS files a Motion for Ex Parte Custody, and if that is granted the Shelter Care Hearing is in 24-72 hours. Otherwise, if it is not granted, it happens I believe in 7-10 days.

After that, within about 90 days there is what is called an ajudicatory hearing, basically the Court will determine if the child is Dependent/Neglected/Abused. After that, the next step, and I believe it is w/in 180 of the initial filing of the Complaint is the Disposition (Temp Custody; Permanent Custody; Protective Supervision).

Just keep calling every couple of days to her CPS, and leaving a message for the caseworker. Even though you do not know the caseworkers name, you can say "I am a relative of Child's Name, DOB, and her Mother's name is XYZ. I would really like to speak to the Caseworker, as we are interested in assisting in any way we can, including taking Temporary Custody of the child if needed."

If after a week, ask to leave a message for a supervisor. I would also address a letter to them, with your information and interest in custody if it becomes necessary.

[Oliver'sMom]

Thanks so much for all of the wonderful advice. I greatly appreciate it. I will just keep on keeping on then.

The latest update is that a man has come out of the woodwork claiming to be the baby's father. He's currently going through paternity testing, and from what dh's uncle says, if he is in fact the father, they will place the baby with him no questions asked.

There is no family in the area that is in a place to take in another baby. Sadly, addiction runs rampant in dh's family. His mom and brother are in prison, his father is an alcoholic on disability, and his other sister is just like the rest of them and has a baby as well in the same shoes. We have family in yet another state that would love to take her in, but no one near to where she is now.

[MommyKelly]

Originally Posted by Oliver'sMom

The latest update is that a man has come out of the woodwork claiming to be the baby's father. He's currently going through paternity testing, and from what dh's uncle says, if he is in fact the father, they will place the baby with him no questions asked.

.

Not always. DD's birth dad popped up at the end. He had to go through backgound stuff, homestudy, and court dates. Luckily for us and dd he was arrested the morning of his last court date.

[Smithie]

If I were you, OP, I would not be inclined to believe anything you hear from your dh's uncle, sister, etc. They might think (rightly) that you are considering getting involved. I can't even imagine how frustrating it must be, but you need to keep those calls and letters flowing until you get in touch with the social worker and get her to give you some info.

Going to court would also be a really great notion if you can get any reliable information about the date and time of a hearing.

[Thandiwe]

Originally Posted by Smithie

If I were you, OP, I would not be inclined to believe anything you hear from your dh's uncle, sister, etc.

I second this. With our dfd (the child of an old friend of mine), her sibs were removed a year before her birth. When we found out, she had been placed with a relative. That relative flaked out and the kids were moved to general foster care for a month. We tried reaching the worker but never got a pick/up or call back. We were told by the kid's parents that placement would be for 2-3 months tops, so we were willing to do it. I was pregnant with my second child, but if they would be moved home within a few months, what could it hurt??...

...Well, they signed off nine months later after several noncompliances. I'd be cautious about the notion that foster care will only be "for a few months" or anything that comes directly from them. Still to this day, baby girl's mom swears the case is going fabulously and insists she's getting weekends in two weeks at our next hearing. The truth however.... well that's another story.

Be cautious. Try to reach the worker. Climb further up from the worker if you don't get a call-back. I second the idea of a writing a letter and sending it certified. And best of luck; whenever a child is placed into care, it affects the *entire* family, not just the child and parent. Our baby's family has been rocked for the last nearly 3 years because of foster care placement. It's divided the family from aunts to grandparents to cousins. ((hugs))

[Oliver'sMom]

We just now (finally!) got the social worker's name. We've called and left two messages with her. If she doesn't call back by Friday, we'll go up the chain of command. Dh is working on a letter too.

Dh's sister says the foster parents have put in the paperwork for adoption. If she can't meet her requirements within 15 months, they keep the baby She has to get completely off methadone to get her baby back. She's on 300mg a day now. She can only cut back 10mg a week...so that's 30 weeks. Once she's off methadone, she has to stay completely off for 10 weeks and prove that she has a steady job, steady income, and a clean and safe home.

We'll keep fighting for our niece and being as supportive as we can to dh's sister. It looks like this could very well end up in us adopting her rather than just fostering her for awhile.

Dh's aunt who also lives out of state, has come forward saying that she would be more than happy to take care of our niece, and that would be a good place for her. I just really hope we can keep her connected to the family.

[Polliwog]

Originally Posted by Oliver'sMom

We just now (finally!) got the social worker's name. We've called and left two messages with her. If she doesn't call back by Friday, we'll go up the chain of command. Dh is working on a letter too.

Dh's sister says the foster parents have put in the paperwork for adoption. If she can't meet her requirements within 15 months, they keep the baby She has to get completely off methadone to get her baby back. She's on 300mg a day now. She can only cut back 10mg a week...so that's 30 weeks. Once she's off methadone, she has to stay completely off for 10 weeks and prove that she has a steady job, steady income, and a clean and safe home.

We'll keep fighting for our niece and being as supportive as we can to dh's sister. It looks like this could very well end up in us adopting her rather than just fostering her for awhile.

Dh's aunt who also lives out of state, has come forward saying that she would be more than happy to take care of our niece, and that would be a good place for her. I just really hope we can keep her connected to the family.

They can't put in any paperwork for adoption because the child isn't free for adoption. Termination of parental rights hasn't happened. It doesn't work like that. They may have been asked if they are interested in adopting if TPR happens, but we all get asked that if it looks like reunification efforts will be ceased and TPR filed for. At this point, it doesn't mean that they would be the baby if TPR happens.

[Oliver'sMom]

Originally Posted by Polliwog

They can't put in any paperwork for adoption because the child isn't free for adoption. Termination of parental rights hasn't happened. It doesn't work like that. They may have been asked if they are interested in adopting if TPR happens, but we all get asked that if it looks like reunification efforts will be ceased and TPR filed for. At this point, it doesn't mean that they would be the baby if TPR happens.

That's good to know. We really need to stop getting our information from family and start getting it straight from the source. Seems like everything we hear is false or skewed somehow. We'll just keep being persistent, then hopefully we can get some answers.