Need advice/perspective/slap. Re:abuse. - Page 2

[butterfly_mommy]

I couldn't read without posting.

It sounds like yeast to me. I would be treating her as if it were yeast until you can get to the Dr. I would make a wipes solution with a drop of tea tree oil in it and wipe her down at diaper changes. I would then apply an organic natural yogurt to her just like a diaper cream or Nystatin cream which you can get over the counter. I would then make sure she was eating a good probiotic and yogurt and eliminate any sugar or juice. I have gotten yeast under my breast twice and this is how I treat it.

As far as the not wanting anything to do with your DH my DS gets in those moods occasionally especially when he is sick/hurt/teething or just grumpy. He will scream when DH picks him up in those times and yell MAMA, MAMA. Totally normal tod behaviour especially if she does have a yeast infection as they are itchy and uncomfortable. Also I have had my yeast infections start to clear on there own and then flare up again.

Good Luck Mama

[gaudynight]

Oh mama, how scary. I know how overwhelming that fear can be.

I agree that it sounds like yeast, but take her to the doctor for your own peace of mind.

, mama. Your girl is lucky to have you.

[Belia]

Just so you know, many places have child advocacy centers where you can get a medical exam for a child who may have been sexually abused. I suggest this because you mention that your child doesn't like going to the doctor anyway, and having that doctor poke around in her private parts may not help things. The doctors and nurses who work at such places have been specially trained to work with kids, as well as identify signs of sexual abuse that a regular doc may miss.

It really does sound like your DD just has a yeast issue, but I would hate to have the exam by your regular doc be traumatic in any way OR have your daughter be examined by someone who doesn't entirely know what they're looking for in that area.

At the center where I worked, the doctors and nurses were so sensitive and gentle with the kids being examined. It was really beautiful to see.

Here's a link to the children's center near where I live to give you an idea of what I'm talking about. Oh, and there is no charge here for these services. If you don't have health insurance, the state of IL picks up the charge.
http://www.edward.org/body.cfm?id=844

[kriket]

Originally Posted by Pinka9

I can't get her in anywhere yet. The one doctor in town who takes our insurance is booked until next week. Sigh.

No, go down there and look the receptionist in the face with that mommy look that says "I will disembowel you if you mess with me" and say "No, you don't understand, I need to make an appointment NOW. There may be something MORE going on and I MUST know" Go to the ER if you have to. They are good at spotting the signs of child abuse.

I have a boy, but he has gotten yeasty 3 times in 8 months. It very well could be yeast, but you can't let that sit on your mind. It will eat your brains and your relationship with your DH.

[LROM]

First off Original Poster, good for you for being attentive and noticing what's going on with your daughter. Whether this turns out to be a harmless phase... or something far more serious... it is always a good thing to be attentive and noticing your kids.

I know all kids are different, and different kids go through different phases. But I do NOT know of many cases where a child SUDDENLY does not want anything to do with a parent and SUDDENLY becomes very clingy to the other parent when the parent they're avoiding is around.

Does it mean she was abused? Not at all. But it DOES mean that at least in her perception, something is wrong. And it's incredibly important to pay attention to her perceptions. Plus you also observed some physical irritation, that has to be attended to too.

You're very wise to get her into a doctor. Does your doc do drop in at all, like can you take her sooner and just wait to see if they can squeeze you in? You may gamble wasting a morning or afternoon there and not get seen, but usually they see you really want to be seen and work you in. I'd call and ask your ped's receptionist if you can wait at the office for a morning to see if anything opens up.

Because hopefully this is nothing... but if it was any kind of inappropriate touching, the signs will most likely go away by the time you get her seen (as long as nothing else happens).

Also really important: in my opinion you should try to work with your daugther and acknowledge to your husband "I guess she's just going through a mommy phase - let's just let her go through it and not stress her out because she really seems distressed". I said that to my DH when my DD always wanted me, although it wasn't that she avoided him - she just wanted me whenever we were both around but she was fine with just him if I wasn't around. But it hurt DHs feelings and I just said "It's a phase, they all go through phases. Sometime soon it'll probably be a "I just want daddy phase" and I'll be sad!" But the main thing is standing your ground on not insisting that she be alone with him if she really seems sincerely to get upset.

And if she does keep getting really, sincerely upset at being with him, ask him what he thinks of it, and if he can think of any reason she'd be like that so suddenly. Ask if anything happened.

If nothing happened and your DH didn't do anything wrong, these questions are still fair questions and you should be able to talk to DH about your DD's behavior openly. And if DH responds in any way that makes you nervous, make note of that and once you get DD examined, see what your gut tells you you should do.

Lastly - and this is so important: because of your own abuse history, you sound like you're doubting your instincts or worried that you'll make a mountain out of a molehill. Well, it is possible to be overly-vigilant or overly protective given your own experiences. But another effect of having been abused sometimes is we go the *opposite* extreme and doubt our instincts even when there's fairly strong indications that our instincts are right. Don't let that happen to you! You have a responsibility to protect your daughter, you're a smart and capable woman, and you sincerely want there to be no problem between your DH and DD. But if you continue to see things that worry you, you must continue to investigate them.

Trust your instincts and trust your daughter! Hopefully it'll all turn out just to be a phase... but in case it is more serious, the sooner you get to the bottom of it, the better.

Best of luck, please report back how things go, whatever you do. And hopefully you'll get to the ped soon!

[KimberlyD0]

My girls are both saddly prone to yeast infections and they ALWAYS start exactly as you have discribed. Its extreamly uncomfortable, I also suffer from them, and thats likly why she is clingy.

Do you give her bubble baths often? cause that can really trigger them with little girls.

I was also abused as a child. From the age of 4 to 14, so I understand your reaction. Good for you being attentive, just make sure you check with a doctor and DON'T jump to the "my husband did something" camp, especially telling anyone that untill you KNOW. This is something that can distroy a man, even if its proved he never did a thing, its ALWAYS with him.

How old is your DD? is there a chance she might be playing with herself? Both my DD's reach down their pants (diaper for one, underpants for the other, though it used to be diapers..) to play.

I remember how scary it was when I found a small scrach on DD's Libia I had trouble holding back. Turned out it was from her playing with herself to oftern. She was 2. Now at 4 she still plays with her self a lot and sometimes she scratches herself. If I was a less obserbent mother, and didn't know she did this then trouble could brew where is shouldn't.

In the end if it settles your heart bring her to a doctor.