For those with 2+ children

[megan sacha]

When did you tell your first that you were expecting another? We just got a positive test 2 days ago and we think it's probably a good idea to tell DS who is almost 2 3/4 as soon as we can. We want him to know he's one of the first to know. And, I don't want him figuring it out in his 2 yr old brain by our conversations that we don't always code well. But, we also know that once he knows everyone will and so we have to be ready for others to know. We didn't want to tell my in laws until we were at 3 months but I don't think we can hold out that long with DS. As well, I'm concerned about m/c and wouldn't want to have to explain that to him if it happens.

What did you all do?

[Llyra]

I told DD1 at about the start of the second trimester, that the twins were coming. I didn't want to tell her, and then have to explain miscarriage, so I waited.

[Drummer's Wife]

Pretty much as soon as we found out. I can't keep things like that from the kids (it just seems weird to me, b/c then it would mean DH and I couldn't talk about it in front of them).

9 mos is a long time to wait, and they won't necessarily understand even what months mean -- but at least w/my kids, they still got excited about it.

The miscarriage risk does complicate it a bit with a toddler -- b/c surely that is harder to understand. I guess I would still, personally, tell them since if I did lose the baby, I would be upset/crying and possibly need medical care - so it might mean at that point having to tell them both about being pregnant and miscarrying at a tragic time, yk? That seems even harder to understand, IMO.

[elmh23]

My kids new really early. Dd was only 18 months when I got the positive with number 2. Dh was out of town so I told her first, then my mom and then dh.

With number three, dh was again out of town, so I told a friend first (she asked why I was up at 5am and I really just couldn't hold it in) then my mom (needed her opinion on how to tell dh) and then the kids. Dd was 4.5 and ds was 2. Dd was excited but ds had no clue what I was talking about

That said, I've never had any miscarriages. If I had, I probably wouldn't have told them so soon. If I was worried about miscarriage, then I wouldn't have told them until second trimester.

[megan sacha]

bump!

[MamaMelis]

We told our kids right away, though they are too young to really truly grasp what all of it means (they are almost 3 and almost 2). I would have told them about miscarriage, as well, its really no harder to explain than the presence of a baby in mommys tummy in the first place, if you think about it.

We told family and friends pretty early too though, so there was no worry there about a kid spilling it. Ours know, but aren't prone to telling other people about it like an older child might be, its a bit in one ear and out the other to them at this age as its a pretty nebulous concept, particularily in early pregnancy, IMO.

[OkiMom]

pretty much right away but DD1 was in the bathroom with me when I was testing and was curious. She was 15 months old at the time so she didn't really understand.

[NicaG]

I had a miscarriage when ds was about 2.5. We hadn't told him anything yet, and I was glad we didn't have to explain it to him. Then I got pregnant again a few months later, when ds was closer to 3, and we told him after the first trimester, I think. I had to explain to him why I couldn't carry him as much, and why I was tired/sick somtimes.

[StrawberryFields]

I told the kids right away, because I wanted them to know first. And I knew we would be telling our parents and siblings right away. But after we told them we pretty much went back to not really talking about it with them until I was much further along. So that way I didn't feel like we were keeping it a secret but I also didn't feel like we had to to talk about it for months and months and months, which is a really long time for little ones.

[Aufilia]

I told DD at about 16 weeks. She was almost 3.5 and had no clue at all. I had awful morning sickness the entire first half, and spent most of the time sleeping, and had an apparent belly... but it all meant nothing to her. She'd even been to all my midwife appointments, but we'd all been carefully vague when we were there, even the midwives. It was good timing because she didn't have to wait long to "see" the baby, when we took her to the big u/s at 18 weeks. 2 weeks is a reeeally long time for a kid.