when is it realistic to correct interrupting?

[Devaya]

I'm confused about what age it is appropriate to teach a child to wait for others to finish speaking before speaking. I know someone who is so strict about never letting his child (4 years old) interrupt that the poor child never gets a word in edgewise (he's incredibly talkative), but on the other end I know people who I find it very frustrating to have a conversation with because their children (5 and 2) interrupt almost constantly and are never corrected.

So on the one hand, I see a child whose self expression is completely stifled, and on the other it's a bit too child-centred for me. My child is 2 and 2 months: is it realistic to start teaching him this now, and how important is it? When can one expect children to take this at least partially on board (of course I wouldn't expect it to be followed at all times!)? I'm clueless here!

[LynnS6]

It's never too young to begin to teach a child, but I think that 2 is too young to expect a child to be able to have the impulse control to actually be able to 'follow' the rules most of the time.

I would start by giving him both a visual signal and a short phrase indicating that you want him to wait. I hold up a finger and say "wait, I'm talking." At 2, when I was done with my sentence, I'd then turn to my child and say "thanks for waiting" and listen to them. Now that our kids are 5 and 8, I finish my thought (which might be much more than a sentence) and let my interlocutor finish their contribution. Then I turn to my kids and say "thanks for waiting, what did you want to say?"

When ds was about 4, I also taught him to put his hand on my arm as a signal that he wanted to talk, which I can then acknowledge with a nod. IME, ages 4-5 are the worst for this because they have so much they want to say, they forget what they want to say if they're asked to wait too long and their impulse control is iffy. At 8, ds is really good about waiting. At 5.5, dd is getting better, but I'd say we've got a year or two before things are really good.

[mamazee]

You can start right from the beginning with, "Honey, I'm talking to (whoever) right now. Wait just a minute." It takes a long time of that before they get it, but they do. But I start teaching as soon as they start interrupting.

[Llyra]

I think you can probably start from 2 years old, but don't expect the learning to "stick' for awhile afterwards. My 5 year old is just now starting to be able to contain herself while I finished up a conversation.

Be wary about teaching them to interrupt by using "excuse me." I taught DD1 this when she was 3, and she thought it was some kind of magic button that she could use. A few times the conversation I was having was important, and when DD said excuse me, I put my hand on her shoulder and kept talking, and she got MAD MAD MAD. She was outraged because she'd done what I told her to do-- say those words-- and it hadn't worked, and all the grey area that exists in there was just too much for her to understand at that age.

[NiteNicole]

We started pretty much as soon as she started talking. I think you have to be age appropriate about it - use fewer words when they're younger, find a stopping point in your convo to address the child, and then get back to the other person.

I find I have to do this with a lot of people in my life. I have some female cousins in their 20s who don't care who is talking, they will stand in front of the other person talking to me and start jabbering away (hello RUDE, your GRANDMOTHER was trying to tell me something) so I've had a lot of chances to practice.

With my daughter, I gesture and say "just a minute" then try to either finish what I'm saying or if the other person doesn't seem to be winding down say, "excuse me, just a second" and then deal with my child. As she sometimes DOES need my attention right now (bathroom, something has been spilled) I need to hear what she has to say. Sometimes I can tell her, "you can tell me this later, ok? I won't forget" and get back to it with the other person.

Pretty much, I treat her the same way I would another adult who needed to tell me something...either find a stopping point myself or wait to see if the other person finishes up, or ask them to excuse me for two seconds to deal. MOST people understand little kids can only wait so long and it might be important, but some people don't seem to tire of the sound of their own voice EVER and if I mad my daughter wait, she'd end up peeing on the floor.

[lotus.blossom]

Originally Posted by Llyra

Be wary about teaching them to interrupt by using "excuse me." I taught DD1 this when she was 3, and she thought it was some kind of magic button that she could use. A few times the conversation I was having was important, and when DD said excuse me, I put my hand on her shoulder and kept talking, and she got MAD MAD MAD. She was outraged because she'd done what I told her to do-- say those words-- and it hadn't worked, and all the grey area that exists in there was just too much for her to understand at that age.

I did the same thing with my ds1! He definitely thinks excuse me is the magic button to get heard. But it is super cute when he just says it to get someones attention (not interrupting) it makes him sound so polite!

[Tellera]

DS is close to 4 and I just started with the "Honey, Daddy is talking, just a moment," or the like, and he's pretty fine with it. It surprised me since up til recently I'd stop the conversation and listen to him and I didn't think he'd take to the change very well. I'm not sure what prompted me to start telling him to wait for a moment, maybe because he started talking so much more.

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by Llyra

Be wary about teaching them to interrupt by using "excuse me." I taught DD1 this when she was 3, and she thought it was some kind of magic button that she could use. A few times the conversation I was having was important, and when DD said excuse me, I put my hand on her shoulder and kept talking, and she got MAD MAD MAD. She was outraged because she'd done what I told her to do-- say those words-- and it hadn't worked, and all the grey area that exists in there was just too much for her to understand at that age.

Well, this can happen for almost any phrase you teach a child. "Please" can be interpreted as the magic words. "But I said PLEASE!" "The answer is still no." I'm not so sure it's about the words as it is about "You're not listening to me RIGHT NOW and what I have to say is IMPORTANT [to me]!"

Whatever you teach your child, just be prepared to hear it back!

[AbbieB]

[QUOTE=Llyra;14812267] My 5 year old is just now starting to be able to contain herself while I finished up a conversation.
QUOTE]

My 6 year old has a hard time. She's very exuberant and just has a hard time waiting. She knows not to interrupt, but she just hasn't learned to control the impulse to talk yet.

[VisionaryMom]

We also ran into the "excuse me"/magic button issue. We had to go back and explain that it means you have something to say, but it doesn't mean you get *immediate* attention.

We started explaining that they need to wait as soon as they could talk, though obviously we've gotten stricter with it. My 2YO talks constantly anyway, so it's more us trying to get a word in. With my 4YO, he still struggles sometimes, especially if it's something exciting he's trying to tell you.

We also told them that they can just say what they need if it's an emergency, including that they need help to go to the bathroom!

I don't like people in general interrupting. It's rude. I also have friends who allow their children to interrupt all the time, and it drives me nuts. It's tough to have a conversation when you're being interrupted by someone constantly. I'm glad that DS is getting to the age where he can participate in our conversations rather than being a side conversation. That's helped with the taking turns and listening to what the other person is saying a ton.

[Devaya]

Thanks everyone. I guess for me it just seems hard to find a balance, because I think a child that is quite new to being verbal (my 26 month old is very verbal but of course he still can't follow most conversation very well), is going to be hard to include, and therefore they are going to have their own little tangents going on. I.e., how can they 'join in' appropriately when to all intents and purposes they are basically in another world a lot of the time? I don't know if that makes sense! I guess I think not interrupting is important, but I also value my child feeling included and part of things.

[mort20]

You can start as early as possible. But you should be working at is to teach them how to butt in with proper timing. This is because sometimes. Not letting them speak what they want to say makes them dumb. They might become fearful or lose the interest to interact, something that is necessary to improve your child's learning abilities.

[prothyraia]

My oldest just turned three and we've just started working with him on this. We're teaching him to say "excuse me", and I'll respond by (depending on the conversation) either asking him what he wants or by getting down on his level for just a second and saying "I'm talking to (whoever) right now, please wait just a minute."

[Jackies Ladybug]

i'm working with my DD (13months) to learn "wait a moment" while it doesnt always apply to interupting a conversation, i feel it is a very important tool whenever you need to delay in giving attention to a child momentarily.
right now i have started with just delaying for about 20-30 seconds after saying wait a moment before i turn my focus to her but as she gets older i will be increasing the time slowly. just make sure you always follow through so they know you are telling the truth that they will get attention soon.

that said, i am a chronic interupter and have always struggled with it. my parents never taught me social ediquette and i have paid for it over time. at 23 i am just starting to really be able to handle a normal conversation without annoying the living crap out of my counterpart.