When does this awful 3yo phase end???

[Straggletag]

There have been a lot of threads lately about wretched 3 year old behaviors like hitting, yelling, repetition, tantrums, etc., etc., etc. Today was an absolutely trying day, made extra sour by the fact that we'd had such a handle on it all yesterday only to see it derailed by Dad cutting his finger making breakfast and going ape in such a way that it fired the toddler up, and she never managed to settle down again!

I need to know, Mamas that have BTDT, how long does this phase last? I'm trying with all of my might to model great behavior, to talk through her uncomfortable feelings, and so on, but I'm just not a saint. Is this a year's long phase we're looking at, or is it a month or two of hig intensity that calms down, or what? I lost it today. Only one outburst from me, and I guess it was nothing to an outsider, but my little one reacted like it was the end of the world (even a half an hour later, she threw a pretend present from me against the wall and started bawling just from my addressing her... and I didn't yell, the whole incident that triggered this was ten seconds long).

[_ktg_]

I'm going through the same right now myself.

[madskye]

DD is 4.5. She was an angelic baby, 1, and 2 year old. 3 was really, really hard. 4.5 is much better, but still melt downs and tantrums. But most of the things that were really tweaking me--hitting, biting, rudeness--has gone away. Right around her 4th birthday things were excellent. Then in the Fall we hit another rough patch--her preschool teacher told me that everyone expects development to be a straight line, but it's really a lot of peaks and valleys.

I think the light at the end of the tunnel is that sometime between 3 and 4 your child will really start playing independently--I know that was huge positive change for us. DD will now play Polly Pockets peacefully for 90 minutes or so. Whee!

[lotus.blossom]

Hmm. I am finding 3 to be quite endearing. 2 was a hellish nightmare that I care not relive. Funny how different children hit this point at different times!

Don't forget that regardless of your parenting, these phases come and go.

[Tellera]

DS is going to be 4 in a few months and this entire year has been incredibly draining, perplexing, and just generally frustrating. It's gotten better over the last few months as we have understood better how to handle situations; it's required us to find and learn to use new tools. I really hope 4 is a little easier, especially because I'll also have another little one very shortly.

[Straggletag]

So I guess the emerging consensus is that we're settling in for months of this? I think I'm going to cry (again). Where'd my little girl go?? Well, I'll aim for more outdoors maniac time and indoors make believe time, maybe I can keep the nightmare attitude at bay. I'm afraid she'll have a raving taste for television, though. DH and I, when we're both about to hit the roof, buy ourselves a reprieve with a movie or nature show. We know that it's a deal with the devil, but I can't help it.

Just five weeks ago this was the toddler who charged the EMTs that dropped by when her sister was born, because she knew her Mom was hurting and didn't want strangers near her. She's still the little one that hugs and loves on her baby sister all day, and I love her imagination, but we're going to rename her "the oncoming storm" at this rate.

[madskye]

Another thing that helped (a little) was just keeping in mind how many things were going on with her at 3.

Her language really took off.
She stopped wearing diapers.
She stopped napping.
Her own little relationships and friendships with other kids changed--she started to really show a preference for some kids and personalities.

Lots of changes!

[ssh]

Phases with my DD usually last a 2 or 3 months. She had intense stuff at 2.5 and 3.5. 4 has been nice so far.

[Freud]

at 4.

[mort20]

It usually ends when they start going to school. It does not exactly end, only lessened. When they find something to be busy thinking about, the forget it to misbehave.