Do you play a lot with your kids?

[bright_eyes]

I am having a hard time finding the balance between playing with ds (3) and getting work done. Ds wants me to constantly play with him. I have a hard time sitting and playing toys because I find it a little boring and I can't stop thinking about all the housework that needs to be done. But I will play with him for short periods of time. I feel so guilty for not playing more with him but lately I've been hearing people talk about the concept of being 'child centered' and wonder if I should feel bad that I don't play more with him and if devoting large parts of my day to playing with him is really that good for him. I would love it if he would join me in doing housework and such but he doesn't usually want to.

I keep thinking it would be so much better if he had a sibling to play with. His 3 month old brother is not much of a play mate yet. He tells me every day that he doesn't want to play all by himself, which only makes me feel worse that he does have to play by himself a lot.

So how have you found the balance between the spending time playing and getting things done? How much time do spend playing with your kids?

[Abraisme]

I do activities with my kids, but I don't play their games for very long. I will do crafts, help set up toys (ei: build a train track) or play some board games. The rest of the play is up to them to do on their own.

[zinemama]

No.

I Involve them in stuff I do - cooking, folding laundry, etc. I read to them a lot. I will help set up craft projects. But I don't play with them and never have, really. They are 6 and 9 now and are great independent players.

I don't enjoy getting down on the floor and doing legos or that sort of thing and don't consider it part of my job.

[MamaChicken]

Not a chance. I try to involve them in whatever I am doing, but I rarely sit and play with them.

My DS1 was not a kid who enjoyed toys, he wanted to play with people, so it was very challening with him. DD and the twins are much more play-by-themselves with toys kind of kids. Much easier!

[Anastasiya]

No. Like others, I involve them with MY tasks, if they want, or I set up things for them like Play-Doh, art things, craft stuff, etc., but I don't play with them unless it's a quick "show me how to make this, Mom" or "can you build me a Lego car?" Other than that, I don't just sit down to play. I will, however, sit down and draw with them because I love drawing.

[NYCVeg]

Yes, I do--but I enjoy playing! Dd is in school and we are at work all day, so we don't have a ton of time together during the week. We get done what needs to get done--cooking dinner, straightening up, etc., but we also play with her.

I do crafts with dd, which I really enjoy, and dh and I will both play board games, restaurant, school, etc. And we read lots of books to her. Taking care of the house isn't specifically "my" job, though--dh and I both work and we share the housework equally--so it doesn't feel especially burdensome for us for one of us to play with dd while the other gets something done.

That said, dd is a great independent player as well. We don't play to 'entertain' her, but as a way of spending time with her.

Also perhaps relevant is that dd is an only child, so although she plays with kids all day at school and has playdates with her friends and cousins, there are many times when we're her only company.

[confustication]

Not really. I don't enjoy playing endlessly. I am happy to interact, but I'm a parent, not a peer. I will set up activities, point them in the right direction etc, but I have to focus on adult activities- we've grown fond of having an income.

I think the line is different for every parent, but provided you are happy to interact and provide appropriate situations for the child to play, you need to do what feels right. If I were feeling as though I needed to get dishes done or dinner started, certainly those things would happen before sitting down to play. I would invite the child to participate in my activities, and in the rhythm of the household first.

[DaughterOfKali]

I try to play a little each day. It's difficult because my son gets fixated on only doing one sort of game/idea.
I'd rather do crafts, etc.

Now that I'm homeschooling, he's getting a LOT more one to one time than before.

[Wild Lupine]

I do play, but not for long. Like others, I will involve them in what I am doing, and set up crafts and other activities for them. But when it looks like one or both need some attention, I will get down on the floor and roll a ball back and forth, or help with a puzzle for several minutes, then return to what I am doing. When it starts to get boring for me, then I stop. I find a few minutes of play at various times through the day - rather than one long play session - is enough for us to feel connected with one another, and allows me to get work done and them to play independently.

I find they can play by themselves longer when I am mentally available to them if they need me, even if I am not doing what they are doing. DD and I hold conversations while I fold the laundry and clean the kitchen, and both DD and DS can play happily on their own during those times. DD is heavily into pretend play and we often incorporate the scenarios she comes up with into whatever we're doing. But when I go on the computer or phone, read a book, or am otherwise mentally somewhere else, then they need me RIGHT NOW and I can't finish whatever I began to do. I figure fair enough, they're still young and need a mentally present parent.

[LuxPerpetua]

We set aside 2 hours after breakfast just for play. After lunch, dd helps with chores (I only deep clean 1 day per week, and she sometimes helps, sometimes just dances around and sings, or whatever). After chore time is snack time and then we do something like paint or play and then we get a shower together. Then, dinner time followed by family play or family fun things (like baking projects or making jam, etc.). This works for us.

[karemore]

For me, playing with my child is an important part of our attachment.

Play is her work, and I think it's more important to join her at her level and interest than it is to have all the chores done.

I have to say it's much easier now at 4 1/2 than it was when she was 3. Her ability to play on her own has increased to a level where I can actually keep up with the house and the meals and not feel guilty that something is being neglected.

Your child isn't going to remember or care about the house, but WILL remember time you spent playing together.

What helped us find a balance was me spending time with DD first. I'd sit down, give her my full attention, then do a chore. Gradually she was able to continue to play on her own once we got started.

Also I find that if we go out and do an activity where she's getting to play with others, once we get back home she's better able to sit and play by herself.

It's not easy to find the balance that works for you and your child sometimes, but I tend to err on my DDs side. I'd always rather meet her needs knowing she's going to be grown and independent before I'm ready.

Hang in there, it will get easier!

[Drummer's Wife]

I don't play with them a ton -- that's why I had so many kids they keep each other entertained.

DH does enjoy building intricate train tracks, or tossing a football with them, (or like right now, playing new super mario bros on the wii - I'll call that bonding time with my oldest DS ).

I'll make myself play littlest pet shop with my DD if she asks -- but I really don't enjoy pretending to be 2 inches tall and talking in a high pitched voice (why do we do that?!).

[hollytheteacher]

Originally Posted by karemore

For me, playing with my child is an important part of our attachment.

Play is her work, and I think it's more important to join her at her level and interest than it is to have all the chores done.

I have to say it's much easier now at 4 1/2 than it was when she was 3. Her ability to play on her own has increased to a level where I can actually keep up with the house and the meals and not feel guilty that something is being neglected.

Your child isn't going to remember or care about the house, but WILL remember time you spent playing together.

What helped us find a balance was me spending time with DD first. I'd sit down, give her my full attention, then do a chore. Gradually she was able to continue to play on her own once we got started.

Also I find that if we go out and do an activity where she's getting to play with others, once we get back home she's better able to sit and play by herself.

It's not easy to find the balance that works for you and your child sometimes, but I tend to err on my DDs side. I'd always rather meet her needs knowing she's going to be grown and independent before I'm ready.

Hang in there, it will get easier!

I totally agree, and It definitely works for us that if i play with ds right when he asks and get involved, after a little bit I can get up and do stuff and he's content to keep playing what we've already started. If i say "no" and just try to sweep or whatever he'll just whine and ask and ask and ask. So for us it is easier and more fun for all if I do play with him for a bit first.

Also the book Playful Parenting really resonated with me. I also LOVED when my mom and dad played with me as a kid. I had a sister 6 years younger than me (hated that age gap) and I felt so special when they would play with me as they were able to make my dolls talk back to me and not just drool on them or knock my stuff over as my sister would lol.

[zinemama]

Originally Posted by karemore

For me, playing with my child is an important part of our attachment.

Your child isn't going to remember or care about the house, but WILL remember time you spent playing together.

I don't recall any time I played with my mother. What do I remember is going berry picking with her, making bread and cookies, being proud of setting the table by myself (because she taught me), and most of all, just knowing she was there while I happily did my own thing.

Playing together may be an important part of your attachment to your child, but trust me, kids remember other things, too.

[buckeye_bebe]

Yep. I play a lot with my kids. All day in fact. I get some short periods of time to work, like if I have to do steps or finish something that she is not a part of. Like if we are baking bread, then I finish up and all. But I don't get any time extended for large tasks. If a job normally takes 15 minutes, then it takes me an hour because I am slow. Add on a toddler, and it turns in to a three-hour job. So if it is a 15-minute task, it has to wait.

[Betleowe]

No, becuase she's very happy to play by herself. It annoys her if we even try to disturb her while she plays, and when she asks if I can play with her it's becuase she really wants it.
She likes to help me around the house, she wants to go with me everytime I go to the groceries or whatever I'm doing. Thankfully my mom and MIL come and help me with the house chores and I have a lady that helps around as well. So i have more time to have conversations with her, she loves to talk to me rather than play with me, apparently i'm not a good playdate

[Anastasiya]

Originally Posted by zinemama

I don't recall any time I played with my mother. What do I remember is going berry picking with her, making bread and cookies, being proud of setting the table by myself (because she taught me), and most of all, just knowing she was there while I happily did my own thing.

Playing together may be an important part of your attachment to your child, but trust me, kids remember other things, too.

Yep. My mother never played with me, either. My sisters did. My Mom did lots of other wonderful things with me and those are forever sealed in my mind.

[LorenaAZ]

I always thought that's what kids were for. I play with my daughter a lot. She's an only child and although we have our neighbors' children come over quite a bit, it would be unrealistic to expect her to play on her own the whole day as she is only 10 months. We have a blast playing every day. I've set up the living room so it is child friendly (no coffee table in the middle, etc.). I imitate her, we dance, sing, play instruments, act like total goof balls, play on the floor together, on the couch, on the bed, etc. And I still find time to do the chores, make breakfast, lunch and dinner, do laundry, pick up after her...and I'm a single mom. Sometimes her toys get left out. We don't wear shoes inside the house so we are always barefoot and one thing I make sure is that all floors are always squeaky clean.

I wouldn't have it any other way...she's growing so fast, I very much treasure our every day interactions and games.

[Anastasiya]

Originally Posted by LorenaAZ

I always thought that's what kids were for. I play with my daughter a lot. She's an only child and although we have our neighbors' children come over quite a bit, it would be unrealistic to expect her to play on her own the whole day as she is only 10 months. We have a blast playing every day. I've set up the living room so it is child friendly (no coffee table in the middle, etc.). I imitate her, we dance, sing, play instruments, act like total goof balls, play on the floor together, on the couch, on the bed, etc. And I still find time to do the chores, make breakfast, lunch and dinner, do laundry, pick up after her...and I'm a single mom. Sometimes her toys get left out. We don't wear shoes inside the house so we are always barefoot and one thing I make sure is that all floors are always squeaky clean.

I wouldn't have it any other way...she's growing so fast, I very much treasure our every day interactions and games.

I agree that when I had one child I did play with her. She needed that personal stimulation. Daddy, however, always plays more with our kids because he's just a big kid himself.

Once we started adding more and more to the family, my playing with them started to cease. Still, Daddy is home 5 days a week and plays TONS with them. I do the other boring stuff, and ask the kids to help me now and then.

[mikanmom]

This is something I feel guilt/bad about too and have a hard time finding balance

I struggle with trying to get just these basic chores of housework done, laundry, dishes, vacuuming, dinner, grocery shopping + diaper changes and breastfeeding
I spend a lot of time holding dd and breastfeeding it seems

Rather than just not playing with DS 3 1/2 I feel bad about not taking him outside to play enough. It just seems there's not enough time to get everything done.... It doesn't help that it starts getting dark around 4:30 these days

also wish i had more time to set up crafts and activities that don't add to all the other stuff I'm trying to clean up,

and it's not like i'm a neat freak or anything, just need clean clothes and floor, and a clean sanitary kitchen,

for me I think it's a matter of poor organization that I'm not able to get more done and do more with my kids


But I think it's great when DS is able to play creatively on his own or when dd and ds play well together

in the middle of this post and did some toy purging switched some toys out and put away alot of toys so I don't have to wade through so much crap!