Anyone tag team or work without child care? - Page 2

[shayinme]

We have been doing this since September with our 4 yo dd. Its a mixed bag, we have unique jobs, dh works from home as a telecommuter and I am the director of a small non-profit. Initially I would say it was a good thing but with our dd's age and personality she requires a lot of stimulation. She goes to PS 9 hours a week but that is not enough compared to when she was in ft daycare.

So we lose a lot of time to keeping her engaged which results in dh staying up till 2-3 am to get his work done. Then the past few weeks have been my busy season and dh has been working a lot to, which has resulted in dd watching way too much tv.

Thing is we really cannot afford to have her back in ft care, so we are doing the best we can but its hard and at the moment dh & I have little time together that is quality time.

[amnesiac]

I think it really just depends on your hours & your family. Dh & I did it for a while when our dd was an infant. He worked days & I worked 11pm-7am. It was okay at first but when she started staying awake during the day more I just couldn't do it & ended up quitting. If your hours are more limited/flexible though then I would think it would be easier.

[Peepsqueak]

My dh and I do this because I cannot stand for others to watch my children. I think it is just our responsibility and now that they attend school, we can work better hours I guess. However, the controls are there for dh and I to be where we need to be and no compromises. If we are both working, that has to be it. I do not want to pay other people to look after my children, and I do not trust anyone to do that. This is not possible for everybody, but it is best for our situation because even if we did want someone to help we cannot afford it. If we could, I would save that money and stay home or continue with a home business.

[abharrington]

we do this. its a great fit for our family. i am in school full time and dh works the evening shift (3pm to 1am) 4 days a week. we do have a babysitter for some afternoons if i can't get home before he gets off but that is 10 hours a week tops. the keys for us are (1) dh and i both really want this to be the way it is...he wants to be with the kids during the day and does not want them in daycare or with ananny and (2) i am super super super oganized. i plan all the schedules, all the meals, make all the snacks, lay out all teh clothes. dh does laundry and runs errands with the kids but i plan it all out. like, the grocery list is on the fridge, the library books are in the bag by the door, the daily schedule is posted by the door and so on and so on.
this works for us because these are our strengths. i think it is key to have good help and divide up tasks well.

also, we both get by with not much sleep. after dinner/bed time i study and get things ready for the next day. i am usually still up when dh gets home (Between 11.30 and 1.30am) and we see each other then. it helps he only works 4 days a week. when i start residency in the summer, we plan to continue this way. dh will work 11pm to 7am and then come home and keep the kids during the day. we may need a sitter from 3pm to 5pm on the days he works so he can get to bed. and for a couple of months, someone to come sleep with the kids while i am on call (overnight).

we do save lots of money...dh and i have a very close relationship and talk several times a day on the phone, emails or text. i know we are making a lot of sacrifices for our my school and someday job...but like i said, we love our family and our life. it can be done!!

[dsaucone]

We do this as well. For the past 2 years DH has been working pt evenings and every other weekend. I have been working ft days and the opposite weekend. We always have one weekday day off, sometimes the evening too. Every now and then we'll get a weekend off together (or at least part).

DH is suppose to do daily maintenance with the house. He doesn't always and that's frustrating. I do big stuff and laundry. I do bath time and during bath time I fold/put away laundry (bathroom off the master), lay out clothing, pick up the upstairs.

I've just recently switched to per diem and am going to attend school. When school starts and if DH can get full time I"ll have to drop them off at the school daycare if possible. I'm not sure how this all is going to work actually. I get my schedule tomorrow and we'll work something out.

Daycare is out of the question for many reasons for us. Money is only one.

I'm taking the time that I have now and getting everything in order before school starts. Major cleaning, organizing, a schedule for cleaning/kids/everything. I'm hoping this will help grately.

[_betsy_]

We do this. Some times it works like a well-oiled machine, most of the time we feel like life is being held together with a band-aid.

We've been working opposite shifts (him days, me nights) for 9 years. The past 3 with DD1, the past year with DD1 and DD2. I think it was probably a lot easier for us to incorporate kids into this existing schedule rather than work into this schedule from something else.

The girls go to MIL's house 2 afternoons a week. The rest they are with me or DH. He handles dinner and bedtime, I leave for work at 3:45ish most days. So I am up with them at 8 or 9 each morning, whenever they get up, and don't get to bed until 12-1ish a.m. I don't get nearly enough sleep. Ever. Especially with a baby who is heavy on night nursing (but doesn't like cosleeping) and has no sign of being able to STTN any time soon.

When the kids are older, I'll have to change schedules. I can't stand the thought of them going off to school and me not seeing them at all all day long. It's torture when I don't see DH for days at a time. We're like ships passing in the night.

What's hardest for me is getting ANY time for myself. I've needed a haircut for weeks, but just can't seem to find a convenient time. And it's hard not to be resentful of DH who just seems to think that any time I'm not at work, I'm on child care duty. Like, he just schedules things and goes about his life, expecting me to always be available to be with the kids. Childcare arrangements are last on his list of priorities it seems, but near the very top at all times on mine.

[shayinme]

Originally Posted by _betsy_

What's hardest for me is getting ANY time for myself. I've needed a haircut for weeks, but just can't seem to find a convenient time. And it's hard not to be resentful of DH who just seems to think that any time I'm not at work, I'm on child care duty. Like, he just schedules things and goes about his life, expecting me to always be available to be with the kids. Childcare arrangements are last on his list of priorities it seems, but near the very top at all times on mine.

Getting time to take care of my needs is very hard as well and not because my dh is not helpful but with our work schedules and juggling childcare its just hard to fit in things. I think its one of the hard things about tag teaming childcare is that depending on your schedules, it can be hard to schedule things.

[gkb2215]

It's tough, but we do it. I work 40 hours a week (plus a 2.5-hour daily commute), and my husband cares for our daughter. He works 10-hour shifts on Saturday and Sunday.

I honestly think the key to staying sane is pretty much giving up on housework. We do laundry and keep the dishes clean, even vacuum occasionally, but otherwise our apartment is a complete pig sty. Evenings are our only time together, so we opt to spend them relaxing, talking, and eating together; rather than trying to pick up. I used to come home really annoyed that the place was such a wreck, but I found it was only driving a wedge between my husband and I and adding on stress that I didn't need.

[annethcz]

I work part time while our kids are in school. I actually work at their school, so they can come along with me and stay with me during my prep time in the morning.

My DH also has a really flexible schedule and he has taken off days when I was away for conferences or staff development workshops.

[ebethmom]

We team tag. We have two kids (8 and 5). Our kids are with my dh more than with me most weeks. His work is all local, and mine is all long-distance.

My dh is a pastor and I'm a musician. We make our crazy schedules fit together. It really is like piecing together a puzzle. We do have to hire a sitter one night a week. We have a main sitter and a back-up. When they both can't come, our kids go to dh's meeting with him.

We homeschool, in part because of my unusual schedule. I teach private violin and viola lessons in the afternoons and rehearse in the evenings. There are some weeks that I'm gone from noon to midnight, M - F. We do homeschool in the mornings while dh works downstairs.

I would say that our team-tagging is good for our kids. They are always with one or the other parent. It's pretty hard on our marriage, though. There are some weeks that we really don't see each other at all. Even when we're in the house at the same time, dh is holed away in his basement office. I end up frustrated when our kids start to pick up dh's bad habits! That little voice starts nagging "If only they were with US more often, they would have better manners."

By the time we get to a date night, it may have been weeks since we've really talked. Not good.

[Trinitty]

We do this.

DH is looking for a professor job at a University right now, so I am back at work.

I work about 45 - 50 hours per week during the day weekdays.

DH is working nights (9PM to 3PM) to make extra cash Thursday, Friday and Saturday.

This leaves us very little time together.... I hope it changes soon.

As soon as he lands a university job, I will be a SAHM. I may pick something up on weekend for extra money, but we shall cross that bridge when we come to it.

Trin.

[Breeder]

We do! In varying configurations we've been doing this since our DS1 was 3. We've done opposite days (which sucked we just never ever saw each other) and opposite shifts (night/day which was better because our days off are together).

The real key is staying connected. We email a couple of times a day on work days, call each other on breaks, text little notes whenever we just have a second, post interesting things to each other's wall on facebook. We also share documents we're working on through google docs (we both write - also it's great for sharing info since we're getting ready for a move we had a shared doc with info all about the move, neighborhood info, links on schools in the area and homeschooling resources).

We make a date night when we can't get a sitter, post bedtime candles are lit, wine is poured, records are played and dessert is shared. Sometimes we do a movie. Sometimes we dance in the living room or skip dinner with the kids and make our own special grown up meal later.

It's not always easy but we think it's worth it.

Oh and we take care of anything we can on Friday and Saturday - our shared days off so I don't have much of an issue with getting stuff for myself done when I need to.

The biggest issue for me is that both of us go to school and we're incredibly busy so the house tends to suffer. If we could just keep up with the laundry it would be okay but it's a struggle.

[blizzard_babe]

Originally Posted by Breeder

The real key is staying connected. We email a couple of times a day on work days, call each other on breaks, text little notes whenever we just have a second, post interesting things to each other's wall on facebook.

This. Both DH and I work office-type jobs now, and we use Skype a lot for my job (curriculum specialist for a school district the physical size of West Virginia... we're good at using technology to communicate across distances ), so we'll sort of talk on and off all day while I'm at work, and then off and on all evening while he's at work. We don't even really have to ask each other "how was your day," because we've already "talked" about it. We also help each other with work issues, keep the other person sane when DS is being a pill, etc.

[cyncyn]

DH and I have been doing this too, and I'm heartened by all the positive sharing here. I thought I must be the only one skipping housework and wondering where that laundry came from since I haven't even been home! It can work, but it is not easy. Dh works 4 10-hour graveyard shifts and I work 6 days a week. We share the car, or dd and I take transit to school/work.

Meal planning is the worst for us. We rarely eat together, and if we happen to be eating at the same time, surely one of us is standing in the kitchen with their coat on. DH helps a lot with the morning routine when he gets home, getting dd ready for school, packing lunches etc. while I get ready for work. I work retail and even though I *should* be working about 60 hours a week , I have scaled back so that I can spend a few afternoons with dd after school. Dh and I don't have any full days off together

We have always tried to use as little daycare as possible but usually that meant dd was with me at work and we both worked days. This crazy schedule sort of works, but I think I need to do more lists (love the schedule by the door! thinking of getting a small blackboard...) rather than the 5-minute recon/update in the kitchen when we have either just gotten up or just worked a whole shift. Not good for our communication styles

Interesting to see that many of you text/call/skype when you are away from your partner. I have to admit, I hardly ever do this, and usually it is along the lines of some type of schedule change. I think dh might like it if I texted more.

[starling&diesel]

We'll be doing this starting on Saturday. I'll be working DP's days off. Not looking forward to it, but hoping that we are as successful at it as is possible. All the stories here help. Thanks!