How do you make new 'family' friends?

[Cascadian]

What do you do? Where do you find them?

I'd been single and childless for so long, that I really only know how to make individual friendships. I also don't have lots of blood family around. Now that my kids are a little older, I'm finding that I really need to make connections with families...you know, moms and dads with kids...(or any variation of that theme, with kids). I have images of big bbqs and Xmas parties with other families...camping trips...so my kids have the memories of growing up around little communities.

I feel so woefully inadequate! I'm so good at befriending people on a 1-1 basis...but at a little bit of a loss about how to befriend a family.

Any ideas?

[LuckyMommaToo]

I've found that it's a little like dating -- you have to put yourself out there. So if there's a mom I click with at preschool pick-up or MOMS club or whatever, I'll try to arrange a smaller playdate at my house so she and I can chat. Then if it goes well, hopefully she asks me back.

Then maybe one of the kids has a birthday and the whole family goes. Or there's some kind of community event and I'll say, oh, let's meet there.

It does take work, and it has happened that DH absolutely cannot stand the partner, so I have to back off. But we have a nice "stable" of family friends here now (no family) -- in fact, four of them are coming over on Saturday to decorate holiday cookies!

good luck,
-e

[Bellabaz]

I found families around me through meetup.com. I also posted online to start a casual playgroup. Do your kids go to school or day care? Maybe you could put up a sign for a playgroup or coffee there.

Then like pp said, if you click with someone, you invite them over separately or something and things go from there.

[Abraisme]

I've met people in the park, on Craigslist, through my DH at his work, through other friends, etc. If I'm interested in getting to know someone I'll either invite them over for a BBQ or set up a play date. It generally takes a little while to get established with new people, but if you just keep at it it does work.

[rubidoux]

I'm subbing bc I've found this to be pretty difficult. I have found several women with children who I've clicked with, but never the husbands -- sometimes bc of theirs and sometimes bc of mine. Usually their husbands and mine just don't jive. I think my husband may be, ummmm, unique. lol But when I think about all of my friends husbands, none of them like or would like each other if they met. Sigh...

[newbymom05]

We found a great homeschooling group through Yahoo that is very family friendly and frequently has events that dads attend, so that's where we've met most of our family-type friends. I think you have to work at it. It's funny, because everyone I know wants family friends, yet only 2-3 actually go to the trouble and effort of calling, inviting people over, hosting meals, etc.

I also think you have to be realistic. It's hard enough to find kids that mesh w/ yours and a mom that meshes w/ you, if you're also trying to fit a dad into the mix it's tough! For our family, we try to focus on finding parents that share the same parenting values rather than personal interests or everyone being BFF.

[RiverSky]

Originally Posted by Cascadian

Any ideas?

How old are your children? Are they in school? Do you work during the day or SAH? Are you a member of any playgroups/clubs?

I feel like we do a great job of making friends with entire families and my husband has quite a few friends he is very comfortable with, that came from their family friendships, but there's no point in giving advice if it won't fit with your own situation.

[Cascadian]

GREAT ideas - thank you for your insight! I agree, it is rather like dating and doing a bit of that dance, and I have come across situations where the hubbies don't jive very well, which makes it a bit uncomfortable.

I'll give a little more background as to why I'm having issues with this. I live in a city that has incredibly high immigration from an Asian country, to the point that in DD's class, she's 1 of 2 kids not first generation from that background. There is a major language and cultural barrier - I try and try, but it doesn't go beyond pleasantries when most parents barely speak English. DDs are 4 and 6. I SAH in the day and work p/t at night.

I guess locating the families is the hard part...now that I'm going to make a concerted effort, the inviting stuff might be easier.