Trying out an ex-teacher as a babysitter, and now feeling torn...

[aran]

I am torn right now and looking for opinions...

Backstory:
I work P/T from home and was thinking it would be nice if the kids (ages 2.5 and 5.5) had a nanny that could do learning activities with them during the time I am working. The nanny we have now mostly lets them do free play... which is great, especially for the 2.5 yo, but the 5.5 yo wants more structured activities and acts out without some direction. Current nanny is here with them 2 days/week and I have suggested she implement more of a schedule, which now includes taking them swimming one day and doing a craft and outdoor play one day. She reads to them for an hour or so every day as well. That seems to be going OK...

But I am also sending out feelers to see if there is an alternative nanny we could hire that is more motivated to do structured activities with the kids, since they seem to do well with at least some of that.

So I found a retired montessori teacher, who has come here one morning a week for the past couple of weeks on a trial basis. My 5yo who stubbornly resists my help in reading and writing (though he is interested in learning it) will run, grab his books, paper, and pencils, and willingly concentrate and work on phonics etc. with her.

But now that I found someone that does what I thought I wanted, I am not so sure that's what I want. My concerns include:

(1) I want to be, and I feel like I should be doing this! Taking the lead on their first stages of education is one of the reasons I wanted to homeschool my kids!

(2) The nanny/teacher, Ms. K., is kind, but more... teachery... than I prefer. You know - very much takes the lead with lots of direct instruction that is based on what she thinks DS1 should know. "Now do this... now do this..." while I am way more laid back and unschooly.

(3) When I see how well he cooperates with Ms. K. it makes me think that maybe I should try to build a stricter rhythm into the days when I don't work, so DS1 has an expectation of sitting/working with me. However, I am just more of a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of person, so it goes against my nature... I could do it, but it would not be the most joyful experience.

Rather than using Ms. K. as the regular nanny, I am considering letting Ms. K. come one morning/week in addition to our current nanny, so each kid has some 1-on-1 time, with me, while the other is having 1-on-1 time with her. Quality 1-on-1 time is lacking for both kids because they have similar sleep schedules, so they end up together most of the time. Though I suppose I could do the same thing by hiring a mother's helper, and save a lot of money and still hold the teaching reins myself. Hmmm.

Thanks for reading my stream-of-consciousness, if you have gotten this far. Please post advice or your opinion, if you have one... I am all ears!

I am just torn... do I turn over part of my kids' education to a nanny? I think I would feel better if I were turning over a part that I couldn't do myself, like instrumental music, tennis, sketching, gymnastics... not reading and writing though, y'know? Help me out here... what would you do in this situation????

[Ruthla]

IMO, it's not so much "taking the lead in their education" that's important, but making sure that kids aren't pushed into learning things before they're ready, or held back when they're ready to move forward. I don't think it matters so much who does the teaching, or even if anything is "taught" so much as kids are left to explore the world with lots of good things to explore.

You can't be something that you're not, and you can't be all things to all people. You can't even be all things to your kids. This is something you need to learn as a parent, even if you weren't homeschooling. If your son learns well with the former teacher, and she's not pushing him to do things he's not ready for, then what's the problem? Is there really something about the way she approaches education that's harmful to your DS, or are you just jealous? You need to try and remove your emotions from this- it very well could be that she's imparting values that are foreign to you and that you don't want your kids learning (such as "education is aquiring knowledge and a teacher needs to tell you what you need to know") and THAT would be a valid reason to stop working with her. But, as of yet, it just sounds like she has a different style than you and your son is thriving with both of you.

I can see your hesitation to have a "schoolteacher" as your full-time nanny. That might be more "teacher time" than either of your kids needs, and it reduces your options if the kids are only comfy with one nanny and things get out of control later. While things are great when you have a 5yo, but how will she react when he turns 6 or 7? OTOH, having various adults in their lives, with various approaches to life, can be very enriching to children. If your DS is one of those kids who thrives in academic structure, having a "schooly" nanny once or twice a week is still a lot less "schooly" than attending school 30 hours a week!

[lach]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

IMO, it's not so much "taking the lead in their education" that's important, but making sure that kids aren't pushed into learning things before they're ready, or held back when they're ready to move forward. I don't think it matters so much who does the teaching, or even if anything is "taught" so much as kids are left to explore the world with lots of good things to explore.

You can't be something that you're not, and you can't be all things to all people. You can't even be all things to your kids. This is something you need to learn as a parent, even if you weren't homeschooling. If your son learns well with the former teacher, and she's not pushing him to do things he's not ready for, then what's the problem? Is there really something about the way she approaches education that's harmful to your DS, or are you just jealous? You need to try and remove your emotions from this- it very well could be that she's imparting values that are foreign to you and that you don't want your kids learning (such as "education is aquiring knowledge and a teacher needs to tell you what you need to know") and THAT would be a valid reason to stop working with her. But, as of yet, it just sounds like she has a different style than you and your son is thriving with both of you.

I can see your hesitation to have a "schoolteacher" as your full-time nanny. That might be more "teacher time" than either of your kids needs, and it reduces your options if the kids are only comfy with one nanny and things get out of control later. While things are great when you have a 5yo, but how will she react when he turns 6 or 7? OTOH, having various adults in their lives, with various approaches to life, can be very enriching to children. If your DS is one of those kids who thrives in academic structure, having a "schooly" nanny once or twice a week is still a lot less "schooly" than attending school 30 hours a week!

[Bird Girl]

If it helps, you could try thinking of her as a tutor instead of a nanny. You need the child care, right? And your son works well for her and enjoys her? I would let it go and enjoy it. You still have plenty of time to read your favorite stories and do your favorite projects. Sounds like a win/win, to me.

[Mizelenius]

If it ain't broke . . .

My mom was a teacher. We weren't homeschooled (though she did start a school that we attended) but she was in teacher mode A LOT with us. I hated it. I do not advise you to replicate what this teacher is doing! She has her role and you have yours. Right now, your son is happy and learning. The way he learns and who he learns from will change over the years.

To me, this is more of an issue about your feelings (feeling inadequate) versus there being a problem to solve. I think if you validate the ways you ARE there for your son, helping him learn and grow as a person, you will feel better about delegating.

[aran]

Thanks for the feedback.

I think my issue definitely is a little bit based on emotion and not logic. That's where outside opinions that those you guys have offered really help. Thanks!!!!

Something I thought was interesting happened last weekend: I sat down with DS1 to help him write lowercase letters (he only writes uppercase now) and he was becoming frustrated. I said, "Let's just finish this one thing up and then I'll leave you alone." He replied, "NO!" We talked, and it turns out that when he gets frustrated with me and writhes when I try to help him with writing, he still wants me to stay and help him persevere (!!!) It really didn't seem like that, and so I was backing off. Now that I know he is just expressing his frustration with doing something difficult... that changes my outlook.

For now, I have decided to keep Ms. K. on one-half day a week in addition to the regular nanny to do "schooly" things. I'll have to play it by ear though to see if the kids continue to like it, and to see if she teaches substantially differently than I do, which could cause confusion...