Squirt bottle as a disciplinary tool?

[Phantome]

So I'm not a parent yet, and may just be totally clueless in this matter, and I'm hoping you ladies would like to set me straight!

I was visiting a dear friend the other day who is vary naturally-minded like me, who has a toddler and an infant. We were just hanging out and I was helping her bake some bread and do up some Christmas decorations. The toddler was running around playing, friend was nursing the baby on the couch, and I was up to my elbows in dough.

The toddler was across the room messing with something on the bookshelf and leaning on it to and fro (all shelf items are baby-proofed, and the shelf was supposed to be bolted to the wall), when the shelf started tottering and looked like it would fall if the toddler pulled on it again. We both just had a moment of panic, as there was no way for her to unlatch, set down baby, and get across room to prevent toddler from pulling the shelf down on himself, and I was even further away than she.

So she grabbed the squirt bottle that she uses to keep the cats out of the Christmas tree, and got him with two good squirts right in the back of his head. He just stopped what he was doing immediately and looked around at her in shock, then spotted a toy on the floor and totally lost interest in the shelf. She unlatched and everything, then went over and cuddled and played with him for a bit, and he was totally unfazed.

Now she's been beating herself up about how she's lazy and abusive, and treating her kids like naughty pets. I'm just like, uh...you saved your kid from smashing himself in a way that had zero lasting repercussions- what's the BFD? Maybe a squirt bottle is ridiculous for day-to-day discipline, but in this case I think she's fine and it was a durn good thing she had it within arm's reach. She says I couldn't possibly understand how she feels because I'm not a mother yet. What say you?

-Phan

P.S. The screw holes bolting the shelf to the wall had stripped, so it was in danger of falling. It has since been fixed.

[pauletoy]

I think she did the best she could have done given the situation. She saved her child's life and she shouldn't feel one bit guilty.

[ssh]

She didn't use the squirt bottle for discipline she just got his attention in an emergency situation. She's lucky she thought of it and it worked. Saying "stop, dangerous!" probably wouldn't have.

[AutumnW]

I don't think it's something that should be used regularly, but in this case it was just to get his attention. I've been known to toss a stuffed animal at my son if he's out of reach to get his attention quickly, lol.

[Phantome]

Originally Posted by ssh

She didn't use the squirt bottle for discipline she just got his attention in an emergency situation. She's lucky she thought of it and it worked. Saying "stop, dangerous!" probably wouldn't have.

True. I see nothing wrong with using it as an attention-grabbing tool in this instance. She sees it as akin to holding down the toddler and squirting him repeatedly in the face for being "bad." That to me would be another issue entirely! I didn't think I was that far off in my thinking, but people always say you have no clue about parenthood until you're a parent, so I thought maybe she was right... Glad to know I'm not totally off my rocker!

-Phan

[nextcommercial]

At that particular moment, that was a pretty good idea. She shouldn't feel bad at all. She's lucky she had that next to her.

In 8th grade, our teacher threw a full sized rubber hand at us when we were goofing off, and we thought that was the coolest thing ever!

[Storm Bride]

In your title, I thought you meant routinely using it, the way people use it for their cats. That would be really off to me.

What your friend did was great. Her son could have died, and she got him down and he wasn't hurt. It doesn't even sound like he was scared. I think she did awesome. Some of her reaction is probably because she has an infant. The protectiveness that flares up in the infancy stage is amazingly strong. I remember my ex actually crying, because he trimmed ds1's toenails, and clipped the skin in the corner slightly, so one tiny little drop of blood came up. DS1 didn't even cry - just looked startled. My ex was devastated.

[Phantome]

Haha, maybe I should've re-thought that thread title... I'm definitely going to relay these replies to my friend, I think she needs to hear it. I think that this is just a little bit of an overwhelming time for her. Thanks for you input, ladies!

-Phan

[MusicianDad]

Sometimes you gotta use the tools at hand to get the job done. The only "damage" is a wet head, and that never hurt anyone. Since it's not everyday and punishment then I don't see the harm in a one time.

[AFWife]

I applaud her quick thinking. I see nothing wrong with what she did.

[Lynn08]

Oh, thank goodness it wasn't what i thought! My mother routinely used spray bottles as discipline and it was humiliating! But in this case, I don't think it was discipline as much as diversion. And there is a huge difference between the back of the head and right in the face. Tell her that she is a wonderful mother for doing what she had to in order to keep her son safe.

[gaudynight]

Yes, I thought you meant she regularly used a squirt bottle and my gut reaction was "Uh, no." But in that situation, I probably would have done the same thing. No reason to beat herself up about it, but then her reaction could be hormonal if she has a new baby? Like a PP said, I go more mother-bear than usual when I have a new babe.

[Niamh]

I came on here ready to be all up in arms about a spray bottle being used as routine discipline. That would be very, very wrong. Even using it routinely to get his attention would be 'bad, lazy parenting'.

But what she did? She thought fast and used what she had to get his attention, saving him from serious harm. Not an issue, in my book.

[SunshineJ]

Nah, I'd do the same thing in a heartbeat. Come to think of it there may have been a time or two (really, not more) when I did use a squirt bottle to get the kids attention. As they get older it starts to backfire - they think it's really cool then want to squirt back! I'm pretty much a do what works kinda gal, and that goes double for emergency situations like this one. Was the child injured by the squirt bottle? Of course not! Was he traumatized? Sure didn't seem to be. Was it effective in directing him from a dangerous situation and possibly saving him from grave injury? Yep. "Nuff said.

[lisavark]

I also saw the thread title and was prepared to be shocked and offended...instead, I'm totally impressed by your friend's quick thinking. I have a toddler, and I would feel PROUD of myself if I thought of something that creative in a situation like that. Like others said, she saved her toddler from serious injury...that is NOT something to feel guilty about! Obviously if she were using it regularly as a "discipline tool," it would be a different matter. But she didn't do that at all; she got his attention in a creative way, the only way that came to hand in a dangerous moment. Good for her!

[honey-lilac]

My mom used that on me when I was a baby and toddler - but regularly. I had no clue until she was very forceful about telling me to do that to my own son. NO. Not going to happen. My mom and I don't have any warm and fuzzy relationship; I wonder how much of that is due to "water training" and all the other parenting techniques she used on me. Not out of ill intention but rather from the firm conviction that parents have the right to do whatever to their kids. She's a very good-hearted lady but...

Anyway.

That has NOTHING to do with the situation you described, OP.

[Collinsky]

Originally Posted by Niamh

I came on here ready to be all up in arms about a spray bottle being used as routine discipline. That would be very, very wrong. Even using it routinely to get his attention would be 'bad, lazy parenting'.

But what she did? She thought fast and used what she had to get his attention, saving him from serious harm. Not an issue, in my book.

Exactly that!

[eepster]

As everyone has said, it sounds like no big deal to us.

That said, I completely understand that she is going to feel guilty and like she's a bad lazy parent. Feeling guilty is just what mommies do. No matter how silly her guilty may seem to you, understand that it's very deeply rooted. Just b/c it's irrational doesn't make it easy to shake. The rational part of her brain probably already knows she did fine, but it's not going to be strong enough to over come her emotions.

[katiesk]

as discipline? thats weird. and creating some bizarre issues...but in an emergency, given the situation you described...what else would she have done? i'm sure it was fine.

[Phantome]

Thanks so much for your input, everyone. I visited my friend again last night, and made her read this thread, and she ended up having a good cry and feeling a lot better about the whole thing. This is the only time she's ever used the squirt bottle for someone other than the cats, and I think she realizes now it was quick thinking on her part.

Her little baby is only 8 weeks, and she agreed that she's been very hormonal and has been having a hard time keeping her emotions in check. Like I said, I've never been in a situation like hers before, so I don't doubt that in most areas, I just won't get it until I'm a parent, but this situation seemed quite a bit different to me. Thanks!

-Phan