Depressed/suicidal 9-yr-old **UPDATE POST 18

[Moochie Mamma]

I don't know what to do. My 9-yr-old son has expressed recently a desire to kill himself. He carved into his dresser "I hate life".

He has had some stress in the past year which we have done our best to help him through. He switched schools (at his request) to one that offers more academic challenge. He isn't fitting in and complains that he gets picked on at his new school. His old school was somewhat alternative, he fit in well, was looked up to and was a leader among his age group. Now he is in a private school where he is the only boy with long hair (though he doesn't want to cut it). It is a much more "traditional" setting and he hasn't found any good friends yet (although he has had several playdates and sleep-overs with kids from the new school). We are going to be losing our house to foreclosure at some point (we also own a rental property that we will move into) but we don't know when so I'm sure the uncertainty is rough.

I've made him an appointment next week to get a physical exam and rule out any physical causes of his symptoms (fatigue, loss of appetite, stomach aches, headaches, etc).

Has anyone experienced this? I have battled depression for years and know how it feels so I want to get him help now.

[eepster]

Ask for a referral child therapist. This really isn't something that you can just deal with by yourself.

It sounds like he's having a rough time, so a bit stressed makes sense. Is it at all possible to move him back to his old school?

I started having existential crisis at a pretty young age, but didn't get into serious depressions till my teen years. I fought serious depression bouts for many years, which were bad enough to involve hospitalizations and medication. It turned out that what I really had was a thyroid condition (Hashimoto's disease in my case which can't be dx by just a thyroid level since the levels will shift from high to low and often read normal, with out the specialized antibody test.) So, complete thyroid testing is a good idea.

[K-Mom3]

Can he see a counselor at school once a week or something like that?

[crl]

You might want to cross-post in special needs for some additional help.

Catherine

[Hoopin' Mama]

Couldn't read without offering you good luck. You will get so me great advice on here and don't hesitate to see a professional.

[AbbieB]

Originally Posted by K-Mom

Can he see a counselor at school once a week or something like that?

I think he needs more than this. In my experience, as a teacher, school councilors are over worked and not well trained for this stuff (other than referring to other over worked school staff.) * I don't mean to offend anyone who might be a school counciler and better equiped than most. *

Since depression runs in the family, I would get a referral from a doc for a therapist ASAP.

I'm wishing you and your son all the best. It sounds like your guys are going through a lot.

[momof4peppers]

I could have written your post. foreclosure, rental property and all. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

We have our daughter seeing a therapist. Which has been a godsend. Truly.

One of the games the therapist had her play was to write up a chart of "Mom and Dad worries" and "Kid worries". Then her game piece had to move all around the paper until the therapist said Stop. If she landed on a "mom and dad" worries, she quickly moved off and got another turn. When she landed on a kid worry, she talked about why it was a worry and what SHE could do to solve it. I'm probably not explaining this very well, but it seemed to help remind her that she can't control or fix Mom and Dad worries. She can only fix kid worries.

My heart goes out to you. We don't have a pedi who .... supports? understands? ... cares about? mental health issues, so I didn't even start there. Because, frankly, in my heart, I KNOW she's healthy, much as I would prefer to blame it on something organic. I just KNOW that it's the stress and chaos of our lives that is making her miserable. By going straight to a therapist, I feel like I'm getting her the help she needs earlier rather than later.

Good luck.

[rayo de sol]

Get him to a psychologist as soon as possible!

Meanwhile call your local suicide hotline. They will have tips for you.

Is your son being bullied and mistreated at his new school? Far too many kids have killed themselves after being relentlessly bullied.

Can your son go back to his old school?

[coleslaw]

Read Change Your Brain, Change Your Life. It may help. Sorry I only have a minute, but please look into it. It could really help. My dd, also now 9 has gone through similar things and this book very much helped us.

[zoe196]

having been bullyed at school myself I can say what a horrific experience it was and how much it has impacted my whole life. My heart goes out to your son and to you. I hope you get the help you need to cope with this. The play therapy suggested my a pp sounds great as does the possibility of returning to the old school-- if your son needs to be challenged more intellectually could he perhaps skip a grade or have independent projects that provide the challenge?

wishing you all the best.

Zoe
mama to Thomas 1/06

[KatWrangler]

I agree, he needs to see a Pediatric Psychiatrist for a diagnosis. Then a Pediatric Therapist for therapy.

Come over to Special Needs Parenting. There are other Mama's with similar situations.

s

FWIW my husband is recently diagnosed as Bipolar II. My husband sees traits of himself in our son and is very worried that he may have the same thing. Sigh...

[joensally]

My DD's a year older and going through a similar transition. She also chose to leave an alternative school where she was socially successful for another school that would offer greater academic challenge. The transition has been rocky, and we're not also going through additional family stress. DD sees an art/play therapist every so often to help her deal with her senstivity, internal tensions and anxiety.

If DD was expressing the level of pain that your son is, I would have her seen immediately by a mental health professional. A good first step would be to call a local suicide help line.

Assuming that carving into furniture would by an atypical and unacceptable venture in your home, think of the place he must have been in to methodically carve such a sentence into his dresser. I'm so sorry that your son and family are experiencing this, and I urge you to find help asap.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Wow is it nice to know that I"m not the only one. My 10 YO DS said "I wish I were dead" last night, for about the third time this month. The first time I sort of brushed it off to hormonal emotions run wild, but by now I'm realizing this is going to take some action. I am currently in search of a counselor that will accept our insurance. As someone who has suffered depression myself, I'm eager to make sure I don't repeat my parent's "its nothing" approach. But it is very, very hard to realize that your child is unhappy and you can't fix it all by yourself.

[TiredX2]

Originally Posted by KatWrangler

I agree, he needs to see a Pediatric Psychiatrist for a diagnosis. Then a Pediatric Therapist for therapy.

I really recommend this progression even if you have no plans on medicating. We never have medicated DD, but we like having a history in place with the Psychiatrist for possible future issues. Generally, though, DD just sees a therapist.

[*LoveBugMama*]

I have no advice to you, but couldn`t read without offering a hug. :
My son is 8,5 YO and has similar issues, among others. It can be very, very hard. :

[Surfacing]

Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom

Wow is it nice to know that I"m not the only one. My 10 YO DS said "I wish I were dead" last night, for about the third time this month. The first time I sort of brushed it off to hormonal emotions run wild, but by now I'm realizing this is going to take some action. I am currently in search of a counselor that will accept our insurance. As someone who has suffered depression myself, I'm eager to make sure I don't repeat my parent's "its nothing" approach. But it is very, very hard to realize that your child is unhappy and you can't fix it all by yourself.

My 4 y.o. sometimes says she wishes she were not alive when she is over-tired, extremely frustrated, etc. I have mentioned it to our family doctor who wondered about her mood in general. Generally she's a really happy kid but she's just intense. She's all about intensities. Anyway, not going to get into this more, but I can project into the future given our family history and dh's.

Best wishes in getting your child the help he needs.

[Spirit Dancer]

Honestly if he has actually said he wants to kill himself I would get him professional help immediately. He maybe over dramatizing things and not mean it but you never know and IMO it is to big of a risk to try on your own to guess which it is. Sadly I have known a 9 year old who committed suicide (sorry I do not want to scare just saying it could be serious).

[Moochie Mamma]

**update***

Well we ended up switching schools starting after xmas break. He is liking his school much more although we ended up in the ER last week after he was pulling out hair, scratching his forehead and threatening to dive head first off the monkey bars if I made him go to school. The did a blood draw (with 4 men holding him down)- all normal. Talked to a social worker who had a phone consult with a child psychiatrist who wanted to admit him for antipsychotics. I took him home instead. We took him off of wheat a week ago, saw a DO that specializes in child psychiatry on monday. DS was withdrawn, flat affect, wouldn't respond with more than yes, no. By Wed he was back to normal, happier, animated when we went back to DO. DO is very concerned about change in DS, diagnosed potential bipolar. We are hoping that it is just his wheat allergy (which was diagnosed last summer with a blood test by our naturopath but we didn't take him completely off) that was causing the depression.

Have any of you noticed such a dramatic change in behavior only 3 days off an allergic food?

[ecoteat]

I'm no expert on allergies, but I would be shocked if an allergic reaction was leading to such depressed, violent behavior. My understanding is it takes more than 3 days for food allergens to leave one's system.

I would be leery of such medicalized interventions as antipsychotics, too, but from what you are describing, it sounds like he needs a lot more help than avoiding allergens. If your DO can offer therapy, do that. If not, find someone who can. It can be hard to find the right fit, so it might take some persistence on your part to find the right therapist, but it sounds like that is what you need to do.

[tanyam926]

(((HUGS))) to you and your family. I don't have any advice but just wanted to point out what a great mom you are for doing everything you can to help your son.
Sending prayers, good thoughts, and healing vibes to your son.