Spiritual Soulmate? But He's Not My DH. UPDATE post #40 - Page 3

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by ThoughtFullMama

Yeah... I talked to a friend of mine and she said 'oh, yeah, Blank is known for being really spiritual. He used to be some sort of guru or something. He brings out those feeling in a lot of people.'

I feel kinda stupid now.

But why would this make you feel stupid?

If you felt a similar connection with a woman friend, and then discovered that she has connections with others, would it really make you feel stupid?

[ThoughtFullMama]

Originally Posted by mammal_mama

But why would this make you feel stupid?

If you felt a similar connection with a woman friend, and then discovered that she has connections with others, would it really make you feel stupid?

Hm. Good point. Maybe it was the way my friend worded her comments that made me feel silly Thanks for saying that

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by ThoughtFullMama

Hm. Good point. Maybe it was the way my friend worded her comments that made me feel silly Thanks for saying that

You're welcome!

So it sounds like your friend jumped into assuming some sort of infatuation, and kind of made you feel embarrassed?

That IS one issue that you might encounter if you start meeting this guy in coffee shops and such. Some people are always eager to assume the worst and to gossip about it, too.

Which might indirectly-embarrass your dh, even if he feels fine about the friendship initially. Just something to think about.

[ThoughtFullMama]

Originally Posted by mammal_mama

You're welcome!

So it sounds like your friend jumped into assuming some sort of infatuation, and kind of made you feel embarrassed?

That IS one issue that you might encounter if you start meeting this guy in coffee shops and such. Some people are always eager to assume the worst and to gossip about it, too.

Which might indirectly-embarrass your dh, even if he feels fine about the friendship initially. Just something to think about.

I think she did think I was having romantic feelings why can't two people just be friends?

I had a really good gf one time who was like a little sister to me and we used to sleep in the same bed. It was no big deal

[lovebug]

Originally Posted by ThoughtFullMama

I think she did think I was having romantic feelings why can't two people just be friends?

this is what i say! i dont understand why 2 people (man and women) cant talk and just be friends.

[mommyshoppinghabit]

Hmm, hard to tell from the little we know about how and what was said b/t you and the friend that just blew off your feelings. But, remember what I wrote way back the beginning of the thread (that somehow got erased)? You might have felt, not so much, stupid, as crestfallen, b/c, well, that connection that you felt w/that guy wasn't as exclusive as you thought b/c as the friend explained, a lot of people have felt that connection w/him. I'm not trying to put you down, just laying this on the table, maybe you wanted to feel special in some way...we all do.

[alexsam]

Originally Posted by lovebug

this is what i say! i dont understand why 2 people (man and women) cant talk and just be friends.

But she didn't say "friends". She said "spiritual soul mate". This implies a 1-1 connection that is in whatever way, beyond friendship and enters some sort of divine, eternal, unbreakable connection. If she said "I felt like he might be someone who I could be friends with because he feels the same way I do about spirituality" that is one thing. Even, "I think he might be a great spiritual guide and I wonder if he leads a group or could give some advice", OK. But "spiritual soul mate" is... different.

[Nazsmum]

May I say something??

I had a Spiritual Soul mate! We walked to together and talk about God. We would go to a field by our house and look at the sky and talk. We had a Bible Study. When to different churches together. When hiking and then worshiped on the top of the mountain. Spiritual we were in the same space, time, growth.

But I want not married at the time. Was not dating but he was dating.

I was the one that was hurt big time. Most people talked about us.....like he was cheating on his girlfriend. He was very in love with her!!!

It ended bad for me. I don't like to write or talk about it much. But cried many time about it. But for me I think that I started to love him.

My husband is not and will never be this man but I have to live with that

[mammal_mama]

One thought I had this morning, was I don't think that I as a woman am ever really able to know for sure that I could never feel a sexual attraction for a man. My feelings for my own husband started out platonic, and the love that grew out of our friendship just kind of crept up and surprised me.

For me to spend a lot of time with a man with whom I feel a strong mental or spiritual connection -- this would not be a good idea for me as a married woman.

Maybe some other women don't have the same potential I do for developing sexual feelings. But I know for me, just reading the writings of some really brilliant male minds can have me feeling sexual. I think I'm pretty safe with just a book-in-hand -- but it would not be a good idea for me, as a married woman, to attempt to spend time with any of these authors one-on-one.

Is this just me? Or are any others ever surprised at the situations in which you can start feeling sexual?

[anj_rn]

I agree with the PP. I think it would be very easy to start to have feelings for a man you respect. That is how most of the workplace romances that I know about started. I personally would not put my self in that situation.

[lovebug]

Originally Posted by lovebug

i totally know how you feel. i have been there (with my DH) and know how lonely it can be!

i also want to say be careful! i know for me, my Spirituality mean so much to me. i know for me- i could not have a spiritual soul mate! it just would not work. it would cross over to something more quick, because spirituality means that much to me ans i know it just would not work. i would long for more. i know this because i had a spiritual soul mate and i had to put an end to it because i was starting to change who i was around DH. he lacks in that area and it was starting to show.

if it works for you go for it. i would do it in more of a coffee shop setting to keep borders safe.

ETA: i would be up front with your DH and make sure he is OK with it. you could say something like " honey you know you and i dont totally connect on a spiritual level. would you be ok with me meet 'jon' once a mth so i can have some one who see that side of me" or something like that. the reason i say this is i kept my spiritual soul mate from DH and he was SOOOOO mad when he found out. and i mean MAD! if i would have just told him he would have been ok with it. but he felt like i was keeping something from him. and i was i did not want to hurt him, but ended up hurting him even more by keeping it from him...

GOOD LUCK!

Originally Posted by alexsam

But she didn't say "friends". She said "spiritual soul mate". This implies a 1-1 connection that is in whatever way, beyond friendship and enters some sort of divine, eternal, unbreakable connection. If she said "I felt like he might be someone who I could be friends with because he feels the same way I do about spirituality" that is one thing. Even, "I think he might be a great spiritual guide and I wonder if he leads a group or could give some advice", OK. But "spiritual soul mate" is... different.

that is why i posted waht i did first. i DO think that a man and a women can be 'friends' but for me in the OPs situation i could not do it! i would have strong feelings because a spiritual soul mate would me a lot to me! it would be hard to be 'just friends'

and i dont think my DH would be cool with me having a soul mate other then him

[Tjej]

I've personally known two families where an innocent friendship/kinship grew into something more. It was NOT the intention, and it hurt a lot of people. We are sexual beings. Being emotionally/spiritually intimate with someone can very well lead to sexual intimacy. And even if it doesn't, it can lead to an emotional/spiritual distancing from your spouse.

Tjej

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by Tjej

I've personally known two families where an innocent friendship/kinship grew into something more. It was NOT the intention, and it hurt a lot of people. We are sexual beings. Being emotionally/spiritually intimate with someone can very well lead to sexual intimacy. And even if it doesn't, it can lead to an emotional/spiritual distancing from your spouse.

Tjej

I even know two heterosexual females who had to take a step back from a very spiritually-intimate relationship they had. One said she was on the verge of "giving her heart" to this other woman, because she felt like she and her friend were more on the same page, and her friend understood her in ways that her husband didn't.

I don't know whether the relationship became sexual or not -- but I guess sometimes when you feel like you have an instantaneous connection with someone else in areas where your commincation isn't so great with your spouse, it can be tempting to pour more emotional energy into the relationship where you are getting the most fulfillment.

Which can indirectly hurt your marriage -- and maybe even turn a "low communication" situation into a "no communication" situation, because you're getting those needs filled so well by the other person. So maybe you quit working at communicating with your spouse.

[GearGirl]

Originally Posted by mommyshoppinghabit

Hmm, hard to tell from the little we know about how and what was said b/t you and the friend that just blew off your feelings. But, remember what I wrote way back the beginning of the thread (that somehow got erased)? You might have felt, not so much, stupid, as crestfallen, b/c, well, that connection that you felt w/that guy wasn't as exclusive as you thought b/c as the friend explained, a lot of people have felt that connection w/him. I'm not trying to put you down, just laying this on the table, maybe you wanted to feel special in some way...we all do.

I'm really interested in what you have to say.

[phathui5]

I was the one that was hurt big time. Most people talked about us.....like he was cheating on his girlfriend. He was very in love with her!!!

I have to say that if you were saying what you said about this guy about my husband, I'd say that it makes sense that people were talking about you. You were "the other woman," at least in a spirital sense.

[AngelBee]

Originally Posted by alexsam

But she didn't say "friends". She said "spiritual soul mate". This implies a 1-1 connection that is in whatever way, beyond friendship and enters some sort of divine, eternal, unbreakable connection. If she said "I felt like he might be someone who I could be friends with because he feels the same way I do about spirituality" that is one thing. Even, "I think he might be a great spiritual guide and I wonder if he leads a group or could give some advice", OK. But "spiritual soul mate" is... different.

I would be heart broken if my dh had a "soulmate" and it wasn't me

[AngelBee]

Originally Posted by Tjej

I've personally known two families where an innocent friendship/kinship grew into something more. It was NOT the intention, and it hurt a lot of people. We are sexual beings. Being emotionally/spiritually intimate with someone can very well lead to sexual intimacy. And even if it doesn't, it can lead to an emotional/spiritual distancing from your spouse.

Tjej