When only one kid is interested?

[Savoir Faire]

I have two kids. They're close in age (allllmmmoooost 4 and 5)-- 18 months apart. After much trail and error, we've decided to unschool the 5-year-old while the younger one goes to "preschool" (it is only 2.5 hours a day and I honestly don't think he learns that much).

My 5-year-old is one of those resistant to everything kids. She REFUSES to do anything schooly-- that's part of the reason we decided to unschool until about seven or so, when I hope to go to a WTM/CM-inspired curric.

So, for the most part, we leave out connect the dots and maze books for her to do-- that's all she wants.

Her little brother, on the other hand, WANTS to learn. He has incredibly great penmanship, we picked him up a Spiderman handwriting book at the $1 store and I'm just blown away.

Since we're unschooling, we just try to get some skills in during play. Tonight we played Yahtzee Junior. At the end when we're trying to add up the points, my daughter totally freaks.

NO MATH! she actually covered her ears so she wouldn't hear us counting out the points.

Her brother? Happily added up the points (she won both times).

I'm planning on working on him with pre-reading skills-- I think he could probably be reading and writing soon...but I feel bad because she's so resistant to school.

She has a stubborn personality...has been like this since a baby, while he is much more easy-going. I can't imagine going on to teach him a variety of things while she mopes/throws fits/covers ears because she doesn't want to do anything that doesn't involve Sleeping Beauty.

Has anyone ever had one child who wants to learn and one who doesn't want to do anything?? What did you do?

[eilonwy]

My Boobah is a born unschooler. She's not at all resistant to formal education, she's just very independent and self-directed. I would probably worry if she wasn't at all interested in learning activities (I'm tense like that) but she is-- she would just rather do them in her own time and on her own terms. Bean and Bella, on the other hand, are both obsessed with learning new things and with formal academic work. (Bear's a baby. He's amazing, and he Really Flies. ) It hasn't been too much of a problem for us, they've just got three different personalities. If Boobah was my firstborn or my only child, she would certainly be unschooling this year. The only reason that she's enrolled in a virtual academy is that her brother is doing it. That doesn't bother me at all.

[Lillian J]

I think it can all work out just fine, but with more space provided for her to not have to be part of getting some skills in during play time. Some children very much want their play time to just be play time, but that doesn't mean unschooling won't be working perfectly well for them in due time as they go along. Unschooling honestly doesn't mean having to deliberately incorporate other things into play time, especially at so young an age - things can be easily learned during all sorts of other day to day activities, and even in direct studies at some times. I think that if you ask this question in the unschooling subforum, you'll get some reassuring input on that.

My take is just that she has a very different personality and learning style than his and is drawn to very different things - which doesn't mean in the least that she won't be every bit as capable and interested in the future when such skills have some kind of real importance. He's precocious in those particular abilities, but that doesn't mean she has a problem with hers. In fact, her interest in Sleeping Beauty would indicate to me that she has a pretty imaginative disposition that will probably fit well with more creative thinking later. Who knows? Maybe even better than her brother's disposition... But they may just be destined for very different paths. And remember that Einstein attributed his abilities to his imagination, and he also said, "Imagination is everything. Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand."

Generations of children were not expected to have started learning to read or write at her age, and they went on to be well educated (article - Much Too Early, by child development specialist and author David Elkind). I learned the alphabet and how to read when I was a year older than your daughter - and my son was at least two years older than she is when he learned - he was a very dreamy child at her age, but went on in his teen and college years to be a highly motivated and successful student who will be able to do just about anything he decides to do in life. We both really value the years when he was able to just follow his own inclinations - they served him well.

It sounds as if helping your son with his interests is great fun for you, but maybe you can do it in such a way that it happens more on the side rather than being highlighted right next to her - maybe she's even feeling somewhat threatened by it rather than merely uninterested. She may even see it as partly aimed at drawing her in. You referred to those things as "school," and maybe she has a personality that will be more attracted to things that don't come across with as much parental teaching intent behind them - that's not unusual at all. When I think of what my own child was like at that age, I can't imagine him having been comfortable with a sibling around his age in the house doing all your son is doing - he would not have been able to relate to any of it.

You mentioned your daughter having a more stubborn personality. That made me think of the daughter of an old friend of mine who was extremely high strung and independent. But her mom encouraged her dreamy and creative nature, even though it was much different from her own. The girl had a hard time learning to read in school, even with lots of help at home, but suddenly "got it" when she was 9, and went on to become a star student in high school, got a scholarship to a good college, and went on to graduate studies there. I have yet to see evidence that early mastery of the 3Rs is an indication of the success a child will have in later years. It's all good! Lillian