Good or Bad? (Nursing as a way to calm 4 month old down)

[Mamaluu]

My 4 month old son sometimes get very cranky & fussy for no apparent reason (he is fed, has clean diaper, not sick, not really tired, etc). Almost every time he is like that, nursing almost guarantees to calm him down (hungry or not), and many times that's the only way to calm him down. And I wonder what you think of this idea from parenting perspective.

I want to raise an independent, self-sufficient, confident and happy child who feels loved and secure. And I'd like ideas on ways to calm baby down with this parenting goal in mind.

I know friends (and many traditional cultures) that have their babies in the sling all the time and they are nursing all the time, and the babies never cry. I've heard babies that get this kind of attention and response are far more calm (and more secure). I believe that, because like I said if I stuck my baby to the boob every time he makes a noise, he will never cry either. But is this good parenting or not? I like the idea that this makes babies feel close and secure, and little babies probably really need that, but does a 4-month old still need that? Also, I definitely do not agree with the idea of using food as a way to smooth, and I would really hate to get him onto that soothing habit by nursing every time he fusses.

I'm starting to put him on the boob almost every time he gets fussy because that seems to be the only way I can get him to quiet down. None of the popular techniques like walking, singing, rocking, etc works. And the problem is also with naps - he rarely falls asleep while still calm & a little tired; he always tends to work himself up to the point where he is unable to calm down, then it takes nursing (again, hungry or not) to get him to fall asleep. I'd love to hear your suggestions (or even books) on this matter.

Along the same lines, my more general question is--what to do when baby fusses or wines (and he's got clean diaper, is fed and not sick)?

[becoming]

All I can go on is my own personal experience. My youngest child was a comfort nurser, and he was on the breast what felt like 24/7 for the first year of his life. He nursed AT LEAST every 2 to 3 hours around the clock until he was 18 months old. (Before a year old, it was at least every hour to hour & a half, sometimes every 20 minutes...) He is now a confident, happy, healthy, easygoing, self-weaned 2 1/2-year-old

[angelpie545]

Of course it's okay! At four months old, that's exactly what a baby needs. Comfort nursing makes a baby feel safe, secure, and loved in his/her mama's arms. I did that with both my girls, and they are healthy and independent as we speak.

[bjorker]

Absolutely! It's not just about eating, but about bonding and feeling love and closeness and soothing... and so on. If the babe was upset for a specific, different reason, than he will let you know! If it works, then don't mess with a wonderful thing!

I definitely don't think it's using food as comfort. Nursing is one of the biggest things in their lives right now.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by Mamaluu

I like the idea that this makes babies feel close and secure, and little babies probably really need that, but does a 4-month old still need that?

Yes. A 4 month old is a little baby.

Also, I definitely do not agree with the idea of using food as a way to smooth, and I would really hate to get him onto that soothing habit by nursing every time he fusses.

I don't believe that comfort nursing evolves into using other foods to soothe and/or eating problems or whatever. Nursing is unique.

Along the same lines, my more general question is--what to do when baby fusses or wines (and he's got clean diaper, is fed and not sick)?

I nurse the baby. That's usually what she wants and needs.

[lucifugous]

I agree with previous posters. He is still in infancy. I also took pause to consider the drawbacks of associating food with comfort. I realized that to some extent it is perfectly healthy- even unavoidable. Food nourishes us. Families reconnect at meal time. And breastfeeding is just what baby needs. So many people do overeat to comfort or to fill some void... and I think that maintaining a healthy nursing relationship makes that less likely to happen. I think that tendency to overeat is rooted slightly later in life, though it definitely traces back to ones relationship with ones mother. ETA: as a mother, I think the best thing I can to to prevent passing that on to my child is to be available and give unconditional love.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by lucifugous

I think that tendency to overeat is rooted slightly later in life, though it definitely traces back to ones relationship with ones mother.

I beg your pardon? It can trace back to one's relationship with one's mother, but "can" and "definitely" aren't the same thing. I have eating issues. I eat emotionally and for comfort. I know exactly where it comes from, and my mother has absolutely nothing to do with it.

[StoriesInTheSoil]

I have read this a few times and I can't come up with a reason NOT to nurse a 4-month-old in these circumstances.

[Jackies Ladybug]

i feel that it is a basic need for a 4 month old tiny baby to comfort nurse. it is the only way of a baby to secure their attachment to their mom. "mommy cant leave me if her boob is in my mouth!" my 13 month old was a round the clock comfort nurser and now will play independently for 2-3 hours before coming back to check on me and get a little milk. 4 month olds still pretty much need all the same stuff that a 1 day old needs, they are still very tiny helpless babes.
you're doing a good thing mama, dont second guess yourself!

[twead]

I think all the pp have said is important. At 4mo they ARE still tiny babies, but I know as a first time mom when my DS was 4mo I thought he was SO big and grown up. Stupid I know. I always felt that a baby cries for a reason. It is their only way of communicating discomfort. They may not be feeling well, they may be overwhelmed, they may be tired, or hungry, they might just need to reconnect with mama or shoot, their clothes might be itchy. Who knows, but if you can't find an obvious reason for the fussiness, like a wet diaper. Then nurse, it soothes so many discomforts.

OTOH, isn't there a 4month growth spurt?

[Roxswood]

agree with everyone else he's a baby, possibly teething, nursing is the single best most appropriate form of comfort available. I take this stance until 2 or 3 years though. My elder dd nursed constantly until she was 2.5years. She's currently 5years old, and I'm always getting comments about how confident and secure she is. Relax and trust your instincts and don't overthink it, you will automatically want to do the right thing in this first year or two.

[newbymom05]

My first was a total comfort nurser and was on the boob 24/7. I was happy with that (other than the every two hours or less at night ) because it was so effective. He *needed* to nurse in situations that made him fearful or uncomfortable, well into his second year. He weaned at 2.5 when I was pregnant with my second, and now is a very independent preschooler. My second child is the total opposite and has never been a comfort nurser, although I'll offer. I don't see a problem w/ it at all. Oh, and my first is a skinny kid (genetics) who've I've never observed being a comfort eater (like I, non-nursed child am!) When he's sad or hurt he wants a hug. Nursing isn't just about nutrition, it's also about bonding, reassurance, comfort, closeness and love. I wouldn't worry AT ALL about nursing a little baby like a 4 mo old!

[cappuccinosmom]

A 4 month old? Give him the milkies!

My three all nursed round the clock well after their first birthday, nd the first six months they nursed about every 1.5 hours (and sometimes in between ).

All three are highly independant, well-developed, sociable little people. ETA: they also have a very healthy relationship with food and are not emotional/comfort eaters.

IMO, there are *some* parenting behaviors that can contribute to clinginess etc. but nursing on cue is not one of them.

[Pavlovs]

Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom

A 4 month old? Give him the milkies!

[Hoopin' Mama]

Originally Posted by Mamaluu

Along the same lines, my more general question is--what to do when baby fusses or wines (and he's got clean diaper, is fed and not sick)?

Nurse, is my answer.

You are doing it right. 4 months is too young to worry about independence. Security and comfort is what he needs most now.

Enjoy it Mama! I miss having a nursling.

[Hoopin' Mama]

Look at it as your current superpower - you can calm a baby down in 5 seconds with one nipple.
It won't always be so easy!

[orangefoot]

Is it good or bad? Of course it is good. As the pp above me said, this is your superpower.

Your 4mo may look big to you but if you hang out with some toddlers you will see that he is really still very, very tiny and unable to fend for himself in any way at all.

By offering comfort through your breast to a baby you are NOT encouraging comfort eating in the future.

I have 4 children from 16 to 3 years old and have breast fed all of them on demand, sometimes at every squeak and none of them have turned out to be comfort eaters.

[RedPony]

It's fantastic! You're doing awesome. Keep it up, mama! :

[staceychev]

I wholeheartedly agree with all the PPs, and want to put in my experience, similar to Roxwood's. I nursed DD until she was four, and she's an incredibly confident, outgoing, and secure little girl.

Also, I want to agree with the PPs who emphasized that a 4 month old baby is still an infant. I think that mainstream parenting practices put a lot of pressure on parents (and children) to have children grow up to the next stage before it's really developmentally appropriate. They have the rest of their lives to grow up. Let them be babies, let them be children.

[phathui5]

I think nursing is a great default for babies. Not wet? Not tired? Stick a boob in. I think that meeting their needs when they're little makes them more secure when they're older.