Catholic Church and Birth Control - Page 2

[cagnew]

Wow. I was just looking at what I posted and I have typo's all over the place! Sorry! That's what happens when you are in a hurry

[sagewinna]

I would suggest reading The Good News About Sex and Marriage by Christopher West. It really helped me understand and embrace Church teachings, and it is a really friendly to read format.

[sarahsmiles]

Just want to chime in in an attempt to help the OP. I am a convert, too, and one of the reasons I resisted coming to the Church for so many (wasted) years was my stubborness on a number of hot button issues. Birth control was one of them.

I finally entered RCIA and simultaneously DH & I became open to having children. I was accepted into the Church while pregnant with DD. I have had one miscarriage since then (ironically I became pregnant with that "surprise" after using artificial BC, which I confessed) and have DS as well. DH is NOT a Catholic and we still struggle with this.

All of which is to say ... if this is your only issue with the Church, please don't let it harden your heart. It's easy for those of us who see the beauty and logic of the teaching to say "Never. No Way. No!" but of course we all have to start somewhere. I wouldn't want you to start with an ill-informed priest, but do pray about this and continue to learn on your journey. You may find that the teaching becomes easier as you go. The Holy Spirit can and does change hearts and minds.

[springmama]

Thanks for all the replies - it was helpful to read them all. I basically have no time to post because my kids go nuts if I am doing something for myself.

Allow me to elaborate on my situation so that maybe I can get some help with this. My dh is an atheist, he will never become Catholic and for the most part he hates all organized religion, he tolerates me converting because he loves me but he really wishes I wasn't. We were possibly open to NFP but then when I really studied it I found out that we were most likely going to have to abstain about a week or more. That is just not ok with either of us but absolutely unacceptable for my dh.

Mentally, financially, and just in general we cannot have any more children. I went back to work when #2 was 8 months old and me staying home is NOT and option financially or mentally. Our kids are extremely difficult especially dd (both sets of g-parents each tried to babysit for a long time the first time this week and said they will not do so again until all of her behavior issues are resolved, in fact FIL sent her home early because she was so bad. Both of them asked how the hell I deal with her.) Our marriage is in shambles because we have no family support and cannot afford to hire outside help at this time. Dh works all the time and most all the child care is in my hands. I am utterly exhausted. My life only consists of working, cleaning and taking care of my two kids. Adding another one to the mix would not be a good thing. Honestly I don't trust NFP to work especially for the long term. I know that the statistics are good but we are really fertile (4 pregnancies in three years) and we won't be able to abstain. Dh and I have no health ins., no retirement and no savings. We get by every month but there isn't much $ to do a whole lot extra. I don't think it is selfish to want to be able to have hobbies for ourselves and for our kids and we would like to be able to hopefully get to that place someday where we can do fun things.

This is really the only issue holding me back right now. People get pg all the time and in horrid situations so the whole thing about God knowing when the right time is just doesn't really resonate with me. Yes I do believe that He knows better than me but it seems to me that fertility is something that our bodies naturally have and that if I left it to God I would probably have a baby every two years. I'm already at my breaking point with the two I have and any more would just push me over the edge. It wouldn't be fair to my children to have another baby. I also have to think about my dh's feelings here. He doesn't want to use NFP so it isn't fair to push it on him.

I feel really lost, the Catholic Church is the only place that really feels like home but if need be I guess I will just move on to the Episcopal Church. I just don't know what to do. My family life does not integrate with my spiritual life at all. The bottom line is that the abstinence required with NFP is totally unacceptable for my dh and I don't really like it either, I want something a bit more reliable and easier to use and we really don't want anymore kids.

Thanks for helping me out I appreciate all comments but please try to put yourself in my shoes. It is so easy looking in from the outside to say,"This is what the Church teaches and it is right." But when you are in my shoes it isn't that simple. Thank you!

[NicaG]

[Chamomile Girl]

You know there are many who will cry foul to this, but being Catholic does not mean that you need agree with all church doctrine. It simply does not. Follow your heart.

It is unfortunately doctrines like this one that cause many to say "I was raised Catholic but..." I wonder how long it will take the church to care?

[vbactivist]

Originally Posted by cagnew

One of the reasons that the Church teaches birth control is immoral is because many forms of it (all... with the exception of condoms and withdrawing) are abortifacients. It is very possible to conceive on birth control, and then have the medications actually prevent the fertilized egg from implanting, or kill the egg. Even if the odds are small, they are still there.

Another reason using ABC is wrong is because it shows a lack of faith and trust in God. It says to God "I know better." Remember, no life is conceived without God instilling the soul into it. If He wants you to have a child, He gives it to you. By blocking this and telling Him "no" you deny His will. He knows your financial situation, your mental situation, etc. He also knows what is best for you- and what is best isn't always what WE think is best. We are to trust that He is in control and surrender.

Personally, I don't understand using NFP to avoid pregnancy. That still seems to say "no" to God since you prohibit a child coming into being by not having sex. I don't know how to reconcile that.... Any thoughts?

The Catholic Church is very clear that any means of ABC is strictly considered a mortal sin. There is no "conscience clause." Any priest that says there is very clearly out of line with Church teachings. Heck, you can find a priest to justify anything if you look hard enough. Furthermore, any woman taking ABC for "health reasons" must refrain from having sex while on the medication due to the abortifacient issue. I realize this seems cruel and legalistic, but, as with everything in the Church, there are very good and loving reasons behind it.

One other thought- think of what you do everytime you bring another child into the world- even if you lose it through miscarriage (I have had 2 m/c). You and your spouse participate with God Almighty to bring into being a brand new soul. This soul has the ability to live in heaven for all eternity. Every child you have is another child that can experience the beauty and love of God, and unimaginable joy of heaven. Plus, by saying yes to God and allowing more life to be created, you give to God another soul to worship Him. If we love God and strive to serve Him above all else, and we want to please Him above all else, then what better way then to create yet another soul to do the same? It's amazing and awesome to contemplate! So, if you suffer as a result of getting pregnant, how does can that possibly compare to the ultimate outcome of another soul being created? This life is only a "blink of an eye" and we are to be heaven-minded and eternity-minded people- in the world, but not of it. Suffering we endure here has its purpose and, if we choose to offer it to God, is never wasted. That is one of the beautiful things about the Catholic faith- we believe in redemptive suffering. For us, all suffering is a way to come closer to God and to pray for others- it is never pointless or useless. People who do not believe in this still endure suffering, but it's without purpose and is therefore, sadly, nothing more than pain to them.

I'm sorry for the tangent. I just love being Catholic, and the more I learn, the more I am not disappointed. Congrats on your journey. I understand struggling with the BC issue. Just pray that the Holy Spirit would live in you and your husband, and would change your hearts if it is God's will to do so. God will not disappoint you!

Merry Christmas!!!!

THank you for your thoughtful post. It was very helpful for me to read, and it cleared quite a bit up for me. Peace.

[sagewinna]

If your husband chooses to contracept it is not your sin, and you would not be obligated to refuse to have relations with him because of it.

You sound overwhelmed. *hug*

[Ofwait]

Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl

You know there are many who will cry foul to this, but being Catholic does not mean that you need agree with all church doctrine. It simply does not. Follow your heart.

It is unfortunately doctrines like this one that cause many to say "I was raised Catholic but..." I wonder how long it will take the church to care?

To be a full participant in the Church you DO need to follow all her teachings, and at least work on understanding them.

It is not doctrines like this that cause people to turn away.... it is the poor poor poor education offered by most parishes, and so many "educated" Priests and laiety misinforming and misleading people.

The Church cares very much... and because she cares has not changed these teachings to fit popular opinion.

[springmama]

Thanks so much for the replies. I am very overwhelmed. Even though my dh doesn't want to use NFP is it still my sin if I go along with it and I agree with him? It would just feel sort of like lying if I said we used bc only because dh objects to it when I am a willing participant. We don't believe in hormonal bc so we would be using condoms, withdrawal or he may get a V eventually.

At my church I was told that I could use bc as long as I consciously made that decision, hence the reason I don't want to ask there because I know what they will say. This is a deal breaker for me because I cannot in good faith go through with converting while intending to sin against the Church.

Any thoughts on that? Thanks!

[xekomaya]

Originally Posted by springmama

I feel really lost, the Catholic Church is the only place that really feels like home but if need be I guess I will just move on to the Episcopal Church. I just don't know what to do. My family life does not integrate with my spiritual life at all. The bottom line is that the abstinence required with NFP is totally unacceptable for my dh and I don't really like it either, I want something a bit more reliable and easier to use and we really don't want anymore kids.

Thanks for helping me out I appreciate all comments but please try to put yourself in my shoes. It is so easy looking in from the outside to say,"This is what the Church teaches and it is right." But when you are in my shoes it isn't that simple. Thank you!

This is exactly why I and others recommended you speak with a priest earlier in the thread. You have a complicated situation that *requires* meeting with a priest for advice. Many many people have converted independently from their spouse and there are ways to deal with difficult issues of all kinds. It would be a shame to turn away from RCIA because of a host of unqualified opinions.

I'm sorry if I've sounded uncaring or unhelpful -- my intentions are the opposite. I worry about people in your situation and want you to get the best advice. The devil works overtime on folks in RCIA and the most dangerous lies are 99% truth.

ETA: If there is anything I can do for you during this time please let me know. I'd be happy to chat via PM but I can't give you anything other than the real Catholic answer so take it as you will

[annie2186]

Originally Posted by springmama

Thanks so much for the replies. I am very overwhelmed. Even though my dh doesn't want to use NFP is it still my sin if I go along with it and I agree with him? It would just feel sort of like lying if I said we used bc only because dh objects to it when I am a willing participant. We don't believe in hormonal bc so we would be using condoms, withdrawal or he may get a V eventually.

At my church I was told that I could use bc as long as I consciously made that decision, hence the reason I don't want to ask there because I know what they will say. This is a deal breaker for me because I cannot in good faith go through with converting while intending to sin against the Church.

Any thoughts on that? Thanks!

I actually JUST talked to my priest about this. My husband is kind of a PITA when it comes to abstaining. I just recently got my periods back from LAM so I didn't know WHAT to do.

My priest told me (he actually had to look it up) that I had to tell DH that it was wrong to contracept. After that, I just had to be passive. Therefore if DH want's to use condoms or withdrawal (DH HAS to be the one to contracept, not me) it is his sin. However, I am souposed to inwardly reject any pleasure I get at these times.............fat chance I get any please without working at it
I am a traditional catholic - I go to the traditional latin mass and everything. So this is about as traditional as the advice can get.

Good luck................I have had a hard time with birth control myself...............

[April Dawn]

nm.

Edited by April Dawn - 7/5/11 at 8:03pm

[Bluegoat]

Originally Posted by April Dawn

I've just read this thread with interest. I am someone who was raised Catholic, left the church at 15, and am just now, at 29, getting interested in returning. One thing I wonder about... does anyone here know if the Church has taken any stance on birth control pills for reasons other than birth control? They do have other medical uses. I am prescribed BC pills to control out-of-whack hormones due to PCOS. So I do take birth control pills, but birth control is not the primary purpose of them. Would that be considered ok, or no?

You are allowed to take BCPs for other ailments like PCOS, as long as the purpose isn't to contracept. Contraception in that case is an unintended consequence, just as if you needed a hysterectomy for some medical reason.

Many people will recommend, as a kind of general rule, that it can be a good thing to see a doctor who tries to really understand the hormonal issues and find a better solution if possible, since many doctors tend to just prescribe BCPs and not really address the underlying issues. I think that is good advice in any case, but it may or may not apply to you.

Also, I have known of people who chose to practice NFP as well as take the BCP in your situation, because they were worried about causing a fertilized egg to be lost. But that was a personal preference, and the CC doesn't demand it.

[Smokering]

Also, I have known of people who chose to practice NFP as well as take the BCP in your situation, because they were worried about causing a fertilized egg to be lost. But that was a personal preference, and the CC doesn't demand it.

Are you sure? I was under the impression women on the BCP for health reasons had to do NFP as well and abstain during fertile times, because of the abortifacient risk. Given the Catholic Church's extremely pro-life stance it would seem odd for them to say "Well, you could be destroying babies but meh, you have PCOS so it's OK." I mean, even if the intention is (by Catholic standards) legit, the results are still the same whether or not BCP is used for "right" or "wrong" reasons - the possibility of killed embryos. I don't have any official info on the Church's position, but my Catholic SIL thought abstinence during fertile times was necessary even with "legit" BCP.

[xekomaya]

Originally Posted by Smokering

Are you sure? I was under the impression women on the BCP for health reasons had to do NFP as well and abstain during fertile times, because of the abortifacient risk. Given the Catholic Church's extremely pro-life stance it would seem odd for them to say "Well, you could be destroying babies but meh, you have PCOS so it's OK." I mean, even if the intention is (by Catholic standards) legit, the results are still the same whether or not BCP is used for "right" or "wrong" reasons - the possibility of killed embryos. I don't have any official info on the Church's position, but my Catholic SIL thought abstinence during fertile times was necessary even with "legit" BCP.

I was actually pretty sure you had to practice full continence if you were on hormonal birth control for another medical reason due to the risks. Does NFP even work when you're taking hormones? I don't see how it could. Sorry I don't have a chance to look it up right now.

[battymama]

Originally Posted by Smokering

Are you sure? I was under the impression women on the BCP for health reasons had to do NFP as well and abstain during fertile times, because of the abortifacient risk. Given the Catholic Church's extremely pro-life stance it would seem odd for them to say "Well, you could be destroying babies but meh, you have PCOS so it's OK." I mean, even if the intention is (by Catholic standards) legit, the results are still the same whether or not BCP is used for "right" or "wrong" reasons - the possibility of killed embryos. I don't have any official info on the Church's position, but my Catholic SIL thought abstinence during fertile times was necessary even with "legit" BCP.

This was my understanding as well, i was conceived this way My mother was on bcp but using the rhythm method as well, i know that is different then nfp but its all she had available to her. She was using bcp for some hormonal issues she was having, that ironically never came back after the pregnancy.

Full disclosure, i was raised catholic but am no longer.

[Bluegoat]

No, you don't need to practice NFP while taking the BCP for other reasons. A miscarriage under those conditions is no different than any other conditions. For example, you are not obliged to practice NFP if you have a medical condition that causes miscarriage either.

Practicing NFP on the pill would be difficult/not very meaningful - in most cases, since you wouldn't ovulate anyway, you would have no signs of fertility. But a person who was aware of fertility signs could certainly act on them.

Here is the apologist answer at Catholic Answers Forum.

[April Dawn]

Thanks for the answers - I think NFP would be pretty much impossible for me whether I was on or off the pill anyhow - I almost never ovulate due to my PCOS. In fact I conceived my son with the help of fertility drugs, which I'm thinking the Church isn't crazy about, either. I am kind of struggling with feeling like I want to go back to the church, but I just am not comfortable with their stances on some issues like this.

Anyways, I am sorry springmama for hijacking your thread. Have you thought any more about what you are going to do re: birth control?

[Ofwait]

Originally Posted by April Dawn

Thanks for the answers - I think NFP would be pretty much impossible for me whether I was on or off the pill anyhow - I almost never ovulate due to my PCOS. In fact I conceived my son with the help of fertility drugs, which I'm thinking the Church isn't crazy about, either. I am kind of struggling with feeling like I want to go back to the church, but I just am not comfortable with their stances on some issues like this.

Anyways, I am sorry springmama for hijacking your thread. Have you thought any more about what you are going to do re: birth control?

Actually most of the drugs are considered okay... what is not okay is the seperation of the procreative act(conception) and the unitive act(sex).... so things like IVF, where conception takes place in a lab, and artificial insemination are out.