Originally Posted by aricha
To the OP: Take the good advice and ignore the rude. There are people on here who have *incredible* insight into step-parenting, or who are able to give a different perspective in a respectful and meaningful way. I have gotten TONS of good advice here. I've also gotten bashed mercilessly for things that I never said, did, or meant, and have spent far too much energy defending myself against what I thought were pretty bizarre assumptions and accusations.
You're doing the right thing looking out for your DSS. His health and well being are more important than his mother's ego.
I know people's sympathies often go to the mom in situations where the child is little at separation, (like it's not hard on the dad or stepmom at all) and, bizarrely, they often blame people outside of marriages when marriages break up. They even blame people who entered the scene afterwards. You'll have to get used to that accusation, I'm afraid. People can be highly illogical. Just ignore it.
As I mentioned before, my advice is to ignore parenting problems on the "other side" as much as humanly possible, and have your DH approach her for things that can't be ignored, such as improper feeding. CPS is clearly a last resort in any circumstance, but exists for a reason.