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Help! I stepped over the line.. - Page 3

post #41 of 50
I would have DH field all of these issues in the future. Since she did not respond in kind, I would probably try to leave it alone if you think an apology would only cause more issues. I am inclined to apologize, but sometimes it really only makes things worse. I think you should use your judgment there since you know her.

However, all that said, I do not necessarily think she didn't consult a ped. Some peds do recommend exactly what she is doing for one reason or another. If she felt attacked, she may not have wanted to share that and rather, wanted to put you off even more. I am only throwing that out there.

Good luck!

Quote:
Originally Posted by PoppyMama View Post
...Hey guys! It's a good idea to check a members old posts before making a lot of assumptions.
If one did this, they would probably come to one of the same conclusion(s) they did the first time - the couple broke up and the OP and her DH married three months later resulting in hurt feelings. While this has NOTHING to do with the OP's question, reading previous posts probably helps explain one of the reasons (if there are many) the mom might feel and/or act the way she does.
post #42 of 50
"...then called DH and told him that she would feed her son however she wanted to."

Nope. Nope nope nope. This child is THEIR son, she doesn't own him and she can't mistreat him without expecting strong opposition and consistent follow-through from your dh - including CPS if necessary.

If this is not the only unsafe thing going on, then your dh needs to step up and advocate for his son. Not just this one time, but over and over again. There's nothing you can do directly that won't backfire (besides feed your dss appropriately when he's with you), but you can certainly exhort him to establish a pattern NOW of attending doctor visits, being aware of the childcare arrangements, seeking more physical custody, and ultimately being willing to call CPS if his coparent won't hear reason on any hugely significant well-being issue.
post #43 of 50
I don't think agreeing with the OP that she stepped over the line and giving advice about how to proceed in the future is being rude. I can understand how it would be easy to feel defensive, but I think posters are trying to help.

Has your dp asked his ex why she waters down his milk? Maybe her ped told her to for some reason? It doesn't make sense to me either, but I wouldn't assume she is trying to starve him.

What is best for this little boy is for all the adults to be able to get along and coparent him. Sometimes the stepparents get the raw end of the deal - not fair but how the cookie crumbles sometimes when in the difficult situation of parenting someone else's child.

The "I'll call CPS" card should really be reserved for last ditch issues as families can be ripped apart. If I wouldn't want someone to call CPS 'cause I don't fully vax my kids, I shouldn't call for them feeding their kid differently than the usual (assuming the kid is a decent weight, reaching milestones, etc).
post #44 of 50
Have your DH take DSS to the pediatrician and have it documented. Have his height/weight checked. Then decide what to do.

WIC in my state covers whole milk to age 2. They are doing it currently in my state. (I have a 22 month old that gets whole milk.) We also now get buttermilk (not that I would suggest feeding it straight in a bottle or anything.) It takes a 5 minute phone call to your local WIC office to confirm this in your own state.

If the child is 1 now, and you got together when he was 6 months, I don't know, that's awfully quick to get married to someone with kids. I'm sure she feels a bit put off. However, that it still no excuse to practically be starving a child.
post #45 of 50
wow. if the baby looks healthy, I wouldn't jump the gun too much. I read the entire thread and it seems to be handled for now. If you see you dss and he looks like he is underweight, or sickly.. I would start to ask lots of ?'s. If medical reasons were ruled out, and it was due to poor diet, than, you have to do what you have to do to protect the baby. I'm shocked that she is already having the baby away from her overnight to be honest. I still cringe at the thought, and dd is 3. Idk, I am known to speak before I think...and I problalby would have emailed her also, but I would have asked if he had any health issues going on where he couldn't tolorate whole milk.. the end result would have been the same as you got. ugghh, what a tough and painful situation for everyone involved. Hugs!
post #46 of 50
i guess what i am doing is called thread crashing... but whatever.
i would hope that the OP does speak up. i am sorry you got such rude comments. this is a small helpless child's life at stake here. if his bio mom is having issue with her ex getting remarried and is now not taking proper care of her child... well someone has to say something. i am guessing the dh needs to step up and maybe find out a bit more. honestly it doesn't really matter why the two got divorced, if the children are not being cared for properly then someone has to do something.
seriously, no one even knew the op's back story and so many of you crawled up her backside. what is up with that? why would she want to stay here and get advice if this is who she is treated?
she wanted advice as to what to do for a child that might not be being cared for properly and everyone is caring about the bio mom's feelings? what about the dss?
and if i am not mistaken she didn't say she threatened CPS to the bio mom, but that if things didn't get better and the dss started not doing well.... then maybe.
sheesh.

h
post #47 of 50
I would be fighting for a custodial change, as well. (or more accurately, having dh fight for a change.)
post #48 of 50
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smithie View Post
"...then called DH and told him that she would feed her son however she wanted to."

Nope. Nope nope nope. This child is THEIR son, she doesn't own him and she can't mistreat him without expecting strong opposition and consistent follow-through from your dh - including CPS if necessary.

If this is not the only unsafe thing going on, then your dh needs to step up and advocate for his son. Not just this one time, but over and over again. There's nothing you can do directly that won't backfire (besides feed your dss appropriately when he's with you), but you can certainly exhort him to establish a pattern NOW of attending doctor visits, being aware of the childcare arrangements, seeking more physical custody, and ultimately being willing to call CPS if his coparent won't hear reason on any hugely significant well-being issue.
post #49 of 50
I don't think there's anything terribly wrong with the way you handled it. I would just be super, super careful about the wording of e-mails. I am the primary method of communication between our family and BthM. We have LOTS of issues with the choices she makes regarding nutrition and other choices. I try to word things like: "this is something DH and I want to try and thought you'd want to know. If you find things you'd like to share with us, we appreciate any input" So far, so good.

We have a similarly awkward situation. DBS is 19 months old. We married when he was 10 months old. Less animosity (sp?) perhaps as DH and BM dated only barely long enough for her to get pregnant.

Anyway...I think it is less awkward for all involved to communicate via e-mail sometimes. Especially for touchy subjects. Easier to think ahead about how to approach things.
post #50 of 50
Is the milk being mixed with formula?
I don't know a whole lot about milk, but is it as good a nutritional supplement as formula or breastmilk?
If he is not eating food, I agree he definately needs more than milk (whole or not) and it is your place to feel concerned, and it is the childs fathers place to advocate for change (with you supporting him).
I think you are handling this situation very well!
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