birth Everyone should be 'okay' but my friend is not now... what can I do?

[jessjgh1]

Update, Tuesday (one week later) my friend was off the respirator and able to hold her babies... and is on the road to recovery.

I'm not sure where I should put this.... didn't feel the birth forum would be the right place... Update... this is goign to be moved to the birth forum...
I just learned my bestest friend ended up having a c-section and is having a traumatic post-birth recovery (she's in ICU /sedated) for her twins. I really don't know enough of the details... The babies are okay (although one seemed a bit lower weight in the high 4 lbs), she got to hold them then at some point things went bad. She had internal bleeding and is currently (4 days later) still sedated so she can heal. I hope that because I don't have all the details that just sounds worse than it is, because it sounds really bad to me, but hopefully she's going to be okay.

I'm heartbroken for so many reasons... She wanted a natural birth and the twins turned back to breech shortly before this. She wanted to breastfeed. I obviously cant even deal with how she might be feeling about all that because she needs to heal first. Plus she has 2 other young children waiting for their mommy to come home.

I'm sending a care package to her family with food and I can't even think what to put as a message that would at all be reassuring and helpful yet celebrate these two little new babies.

Any suggestions for what to say? Or do? I'm 9 hours away so it all has to be done through mail and email.

And if you would like to please send some healing thoughts to my friend Karen.

Thanks,
Jessica

[Ann-Marita]

No advice, just couldn't read and not post.

for you

for your friend

[Jane]

I would just say something that truly celebrates the two new lives and also says you're wishing for your friend to heal. Perhaps, Congratulations on the birth of Baby & Baby. I hope Karen is recovering fast and fully. I know this is just a token, and I'm sorry I can't do more. I'm think of all of you so many times each day. Love,

[merebella]

I had a traumatic cs birth complete with a general anethestic for my ds last feb. The best things that people said were things that congratulated me on the baby, but also (maybe on the back, or another part of the card) said that they were sad for the loss of my birth hopes, praying for my physical and emotional healing, sending hugs, etc. The congratulations and the condolences can exist together - it didn't help when people said, "At least you have a healthy baby!" Well, of course, but that didn't change my grief over how he got here.

I had one friend just send a text after his birth that said that she was so excited for me, but sad, too, that she was thinking of me constantly and couldn't wait to come over and meet my son and help. That was great. I just wanted people to not be afraid of my sadness and know that it existed with the joy of his birth. You're a great friend to feel her grief with her. She'll have some working through to do over the next while, and you can just support her by letting her talk about it if she needs to, directing her toward her local ICAN (international cesarean awareness network), perhaps a birth trauma counselor and just letting her know it's okay to have the grief as well as the happiness. You'll just have to gauge your response by what she shows her needs to be.

For practical purposes (don't know how much $$ you can spare) but perhaps you and some friends could get together and send her a housecleaner for a day after she gets home and settled for a while.

She's a blessed lady to have you as a friend!

[~Boudicca~]

Oh boy, that sounds really hard. I'm sorry that you are going through this, you must feel kind of helpless right now. I have no advice just

[jessjgh1]

This is going to be moved to the Birth forum.... thank you for your kind replies...

thank you everyone, she's still sedated, but recovering.... so I'm still not at the point of being able to talk to her and I don't really know what happened. I'm a bit afraid to learn because I know she was feeling slowly forced to have a c-section.
I ended up having a character limit on the gift I sent, so I just wrote something short.... but thanks so much for all the thoughts becaus I will have something more positive to say when she comes home. I remember a bit from my mildly stressful birth to know how hard it was for people to say the 'right thing'... it is going to be hard but I hope I will get some idea what she needs.

Her dear husband is waiting to name their little girl because they hadn't decided between one of two names for her... how sweet/sad is that? ((hugs))

Jessica

[Happiestever]

I got teary reading this, just reminded me so much of my aunt....

It is so hard not knowing all the details and not being able to help. I think it would be great of you to send a food package over. Maybe some coloring books for the kids? Just letting them know you are thinking and pryaing for the health of the mom and family is enough. I will be praying for Karen.

[jessjgh1]

thanks again everyone... just wanted to share that my friend was taken off the respirator yesterday and got to hold her babies (and name the girl). Shes on the road to recovery.
She does not seem to remember anything about the last week right now, so that may be a blessing. I've been travelling so its hard to get online, but I wanted to leave a good update(-: Yeah!
Jess

[~Boudicca~]

thank you for the update!