Earliest age for nightwean/full night Dad-takover

[jrose_lee]

What is the earliest age you would consider giving your LO to Dad full time at night to cosleep with him. Which would also mean not nursing at night either. Kiddo wouldn't be alone, but Dad would handle everything.

My ds2 is only nearly 8 months so he's probably not ready, but I need some sort of number to hold on to. Something to help me think..only (blank) months to go.

Ds1 was a horrid sleeper. Woke every hour for three years. It was all up to me the whole time. For a tiny stint dh took over when he was 15 months old and by night 3 he was sleeping through the night. Of course, I missed him and moved back into the bed, and he began waking ever hour again until 3 years old.

This time with ds2 I can't handle it for three years. When he is old enough dh will take him and sleep with him cold turkey until he is old enough to share a room with big brother. This is for my own sanity. I put ds2 to sleep at least 5 times before I even come to bed. Then he wakes every 30 min-1hr all night. Sometimes he has one waking where he stays up even though he's crabby. Sigh.

So....what is the minimum age you would do this. I'd just like to get a number in my mind to hold on to.

[earthmama369]

I think it really depends on the situation and the kiddo. With DD, I started to longingly dream of nightweaning when she was about a year old. She was teething and growing, so she was nursing constantly and cranky as heck. And I was in my first trimester and sick as a dog. So really, it was more circumstance than DD herself. We gave it a try once when she was 14 months old and it was a no go. She was clearly not ready. I was gearing up for a second try when she was 16.5 months old when she suddenly finished teething, finished growing, and was walking and talking -- and she nightweaned herself. I think she was so relieved she could finally sleep comfortably that she grabbed onto it! Just in time for my sanity. I was walking into walls by that point.

With DS, the magic number was around 22 months. He didn't taper off on his own like DD did. He actually got into the habit of night nursing and was waking every 15-20 minutes. That's *not* usual, by the way. Most kiddos do not do this. It turns out he has sensory processing disorder and sleep is a big issue for him. He was using nursing as a reason to keep himself awake. So I did nightwean him. For a few weeks ahead of time I told him how mama's boobs needed to start sleeping at night and how we would always nurse again when the sun came up. The night before we started I made up a little bedtime story about sleepy boobs. Then he and I took dd's bed and I moved her into our bedroom so she and dh could get some sleep. It took about three days of me dancing with him to help him sleep without asking for nursing. He wasn't very upset about it at all, which really reinforced to me that it was habit more than biological or emotional need. He fussed a very little bit and was happy as long as I was dancing with him.

I think if a child is screaming and upset, you're not in the right window for nightweaning. And just like potty learning, there are windows when they're more inclined toward sleeping through the night. At a guess, the first is probably somewhere between 16 months and 2 years, and at a time when a toddler isn't going through teething, a developmental milestone, or a growth spurt.

[anotherpeanut]

I think it's a really personal decision for you to make. I nightweaned at 13 months. I just couldn't take it anymore. I was exhausted and nursing him at night didn't really seem to make him happy, it was just sort of habit. I have zero regrets about nightweaning at that age for me. I was ready and he was ready so it's wasn't too difficult for us (he's a pretty easy kid though). Good luck.

[LadyCatherine185]

Have you looked at Jay Gordon's nightweaning plan? I would start there. And if you are planning to have your DH take over, I would start incorporating him into nighttime NOW, so as not to freak our DS out too much.

I would not do any nightweaning until a year, minimum.

ETA: your DS does sound a lot like mine. FWIW, 8-9 months was our WORST sleeping. He was up every 15-30 minutes. Now at 16 months we are FINALLY seeing some improvements. We are getting 2-3 hour stretches. It will get better.

[Kiwiontheloose]

My DD is almost 7mths old and for the last month or so when I'm really tired DH takes over for 2-3hrs at night. I nurse her, then put her in the sidecar and DH and I swap places. Then he "finishes off" getting her to sleep (sometimes she doesn't need much, other times some patting/back rubbing/head stroking) and I get a few hours sleep! when she wakes, he tries to get her back to sleep but if it doesn't work we swap back and I feed her back to sleep. To get her used to it it did take a bit of grizzling, But as soon as she started "ramping up" from a grizzle to a cry I would step in. Now she is quite happy for DH to lie next to her for a few hours in the night.

Its working well, and I think it has helped contribute to our nights improving in the last few weeks. We plan on doing the Jay Gordon night weaning method at some point after 12months, depending on teething etc.

[Maluhia]

For me it's somewhere in the second half of the second year but not close to teething, growth, etc. and only if there was a BIG reason. I think it's hard to put a # but I'd say I'd never, outside of risk of death, before 12 months and not without serious health issue before 18 (months that is )...

that is the thing, it is really personal but also personal to that growing child!

[ann_of_loxley]

My thoughts are along the lines of Maluhia.
It really will depend on the child and whats going on around that time as well.
With DS, I wouldn't have been comfortable/happy attempting that before 2.5 years of age - but three was pretty hard as well...and if they arn't nursing much during the day, the night might be all you have.

[KatWozBlue]

My attitude is as long as it is working for both then it is working, but once it isn't working then it is time to make a change. I never considered nightweaning my son, he did it on his own at around 14 months, but when my daughter was born and she nursed every 3 hours round the clock and I had a son to take care of during the day and the lack of sleep was really hindering my ability to take care of him I nightweaned my daughter at 11 months, my hubby was such a godsend, such a help and it was a good thing for her and for me. Good luck making the decision!

[StrawberryFields]

I nightweaned both kids around 1.5 and dh started sharing the nighttime duties at the same time. I was pregnant when ds and dd were 1.5 so we wanted dh to be able to do nightwakings by the time the new baby arrived. It worked for us both times with no problems.

My ds has always been kind of high needs at night and is now 4 years old and still in our bed. My dd on the other hand is about to turn 2 and has been sleeping in her own room through the night for months. We still have to lay with our 4 yo ds to get him to sleep but my 2 yo dd goes down awake and puts herself to sleep no problem. So I think that the child's personality really plays a big part of it as well.

[Peony]

Totally different for every family. 2 years is the soonest that I'm ok with it. My children don't sleep well until after age 3 though, DD2 is that age and I'm still waiting.

[KaliShanti]

I night weaned around 9 months (but my child was just waking out of habit, not really to EAT and he was 22 pounds); I breastfed until 18 months when he self-weaned.. Worked great for us.

[prothyraia]

Depends on the child and the situation...as a general rule, I wouldn't think about actively night weaning until 18 months-2 years or so.

My oldest nightweaned sometime after he turned a year old (I was pregnant); I don't recall if it was his idea because my milk was gone, or mine because it drove me crazy, or most likely a combination of both.

His brother is 17 months old right now and only nurses two or three times a night (pretty much without waking me up) so I don't feel a pressing need to change anything there.

For me the big thing has been getting dad to take care of bedtime for both boys. I'll nurse our youngest when I'm IN bed, but I don't want to nurse him to sleep every night anymore.

[jldumm]

We night weaned dd at starting at 12 mo. We had a couple of backslides due to dev milestones traveling etc. but she was so much happier getting more consistent sleep. and i was a nicer mommy.

i am eagerly awaiting ds being ready cause nobody likes me right now.

[justmama]

my youngest nightweaned at 21months. and that's when she started sleeping at her daddy's house all night. it was VERY VERY easy, no pain for either one of us.