Help! Baby loves Moby but hates carseat!

[babygirlsmama]

I need some advice from some baby-wearing mamas! I've been pretty committed to wearing my 9 week old since she was born. We take the Moby or a sling with us everywhere and put her in that almost always when we go anywhere. I really didn't want her to spend a lot of time in the "baby bucket" carseat. But of course, you have to use it in the car.

(rant) I just hate that carseat! I know it is for safety..but it is the only time I can't respond to her reasonably quickly when she is upset. And I know she doesn't understand why. My stress levels go through the roof when she is crying in that thing!

SO...how do you baby-wearing mamas handle the carseat? My baby was ok at first, but really doesn't like it in general. Most of the time she will settle down and fall asleep or at least suck my finger and be relatively calm. Today, however, she had a royal meltdown and it seemed directly related to the carseat. Totally happy out of it, screaming when in it. And I checked everything...it's not too tight on her, etc.

So, any tips or tricks to making the carseat more pleasant for baby?

Thanks!

[The4OfUs]

It may just be that she hates it, and there's relaly nothing you can do about it because it's a necessary thing. My daughter cried every single time she was in the car seat throughout her first year, from her trip home from the hospital, to the day we turned her forward facing a few weeks after she turned one (I know not popular especially here, and I know that the current recommendation is now 2 yrs rearfacing minimum; she was 26 pounds at a year and the height of an almost 2-yo, and the crying was starting to become dangerous for us to drive during as she became bigger and louder and stronger, so we made the decision). We had about a 6-week reprieve around 9 months and thought it was finally over, but then she started back up again. We tried about every trick in the book but none of it worked. Music, toys, lights, mirrors, rescue remedy, changing to a convertible from a bucket, nothing helped. As soon as I took her out and put her in a carrier, she was fine. Soooo, we just gritted our teeth and didn't take any long trips for the first year. Nothing more than about 15 min to take older DS to his gymnastics class, that was about the longest we were in a car for the first year. It sucked, royally. We figure it was a combination of motion sickness (I have it badly when facing backwards in a car) and separation anxiety, neither of which I could do anything about when I was driving.

You have my sincere sympathies. Our son loved the car, so our daughter threw us for a loop. I hope that your daughter does not have this problem for as long as ours did. I hope maybe gettign a convertible, or her getting a little older helps and she stops crying in the car.

[lness]

Not a solution, just sympathy. We went through something similar - only at night though. During the day DD is too interested in looking out the window. But she comes to work with me and months 3-6 were awful on days when I worked til late. At first I pulled over to let her nurse a little or just hug her, but it didn't help - screaming started back up as soon as she went back in the seat. So I just sang to her, cried with her, all while driving as fast as possible to get us home. There were nights we got home and DH thought something awful had happened as we both came in red-faced and puffy and sniffling! After a few months, she figured out that "in the car" means "going home now" and that she won't be in there forever, so it isn't (usually) a problem anymore, unless she's already been having a particularly bad day.
I hated doing it to her, totally would have kept her in the front with me if it was safe ... but it's not, so I figured I would have to come around to believe "a little howling won't kill the baby".
Good Luck!!

[The4OfUs]

Originally Posted by lness

At first I pulled over to let her nurse a little or just hug her, but it didn't help - screaming started back up as soon as she went back in the seat.

Pulling over actually made things worse for us, she got even madder when I'd put her back in than she was when she was in there initially.

[arianascrunchymama]

I think some babies just hate them! My DD was fine on the ride home from the hospital, but when we went out for our first ped. appointment at 4 days old she was a howling mess. I readjusted the straps, tried reclining it more, tried having it sitting up more. NOTHING worked. She's almost 16 months old now and signs all done and tries to climb out as soon as I'm buckling her in. We hardly go anywhere without DH though so I'm able to sit in the back with a bag full of books, toys, stuffed animal... the works! I have also been known to lean over the seat (she's still RF) to nurse her if we're driving at night or around nap time!
Keep trying different things. A mirror designed for the car entertained her for a bit, as did transitioning her to a convertible carseat. Some babies just really don't like not being able to see someones familiar face. Hang in there and just breathe deep and keep singing!!!!!

[alegna]

Both of mine hated the lying-down position of infant seats and were MUCH more comfortable when moved to convertible seats.

-Angela

[babygirlsmama]

Thanks for the sympathy mamas. There really is nothing like hearing your baby cry and not being able to do anything to help. I think we are both still coming down off the stress! I tried some of those tricks too....you should have seen me doing acrobatics in the backseat to nurse her. It helped, a little.

Did anyone try anything like putting her in the carseat more, around the house maybe, and making it a fun playtime or something so so likes it more? I am wondering if our habit of getting her out of it and transferring to the Moby has backfired somehow. She really seems to think the thing is a torture device.

I really wonder about those parents you see toting the bucket around everywhere with the sleeping baby. Who are those babies? Definitely not mine!

The thing is, we are considering a long car trip to see my sis who just had a baby. Now I am reconsidering. I could NOT deal with 8-10 hours of that!

[The4OfUs]

we aborted a 6-hour drive for Christmas in 2006 (she was 6 months old) 30 min into it - we had planned it for bedtime, thinking she'd be asleep - she was asleep - I nursed her down, she slept for a little bit in my arms, I walked her downstairs still asleep, put her in the seat, and before we were on the highway she was awake and screaming in the dark....we drove for 15 min to see if she'd fall asleep, but she didn't so I called my mom and told her that we were turning around to go home - she heard her in the background and totally understood. And then we had to drive home 25 min with her screaming the whole way too. BLEH.

My son was one of those babies asleep in the bucket in a shopping cart. SO it never occurred to me that some babies might not do that.

You could try putting her in it in the car, but she's so little I don't know if it would work, plus when she's in it in the car she won't be able to see/be near you. But it's worth a shot, for sure!

[GoGoGirl]

Oh mama, you have my sincere sympathies too. I can't handle DD's cries in the car seat. It makes me snap at everyone else in the car and get panicky. When she's screaming and I can't do anything about it, I feel like my skin is going to explode!

I'm lucky that we live in NYC, so we only ride in cars when we're out of the city visiting family, every two months or so. One trip we took, when DD was 4 months old, was so bad that I said "That's it!! I can't take it!! We'll just walk!" I took DD out of the car, put her in the Moby, and walked the rest of the way. It was like a two hour walk, but I just couldn't put her back in that car seat.

I had high hopes that DD would be better once we switched her to a convertible car seat--nope. I have tried making the car seat seem friendlier to her. I keep it in the living room and let her climb on it every day. Sometimes I encourage her to sit in it while we read books. But I have to say, nothing's helping. For now I'm just counting my blessings that car rides aren't an every day occurrence for us.

[babygirlsmama]

Gogogirl -- I hear ya about loving the urban lifestyle. We relocated near Richmond right before she was born, but had lived in D.C. before then. Having lived right in the district, I gave up my car long ago and was used to metro/bus/taxi/walking everywhere. I used to regularly walk the 3-4 miles home from work, for fun and exercise. It's not quite as pedestrian friendly as NYC, but one can easily make do without a car. I had done so for years before marrying my husband. Now we're a 1 car family.

Last week, we went up there on the train for the day. I had been nervous about how our little girl would adjust. But, she loved it! Because we rode the train up and back (about 2 hours), I could nurse her the whole way, or walk up and down the aisles if I needed to (though I didn't). Once we got there, we sailed around town with her in the Moby. (of course sailed right past the families with strollers who were getting stuck on escalators, stairs, etc.) She was warm and cozy and loved it, and I think loved the new sights and sounds. Before 10:30 am, we went shopping at Macy's, went to the drug store, stopped by my office to visit, and strolled around Georgetown. Back home in our car-dependent neighborhood, all that would be a week's worth of errands. The funny thing is I think some folks thing you need to move out of the city when you have a baby! Ha ha...I am finding it just the opposite. At the end of the day, I was still calm and energized. It was a very easy/workable way to travel with an infant. Now, I am so wishing we were back there.

That, and the fact that here, near Richmond, when the weather is cold there is virtually no good place to go walk around indoors with her if we just want to get out of the house. Except the mall of course. In DC, there are countless places we could go....even if just riding around on the metro to do silly errands. I'm missing my old urban lifestyle now.

[sunflwrmoonbeam]

Favorite toys or blankets help. My babe HATED the bucket for the first few weeks, but was able to tolerate it pretty well after, say 10 weeks old? However she much prefers her convertible seat which we switched to at 4 months/15 pounds.

[Alisse]

I am praying that my son will be happier in a convertible seat. He wails and wails when he's strapped in in the infant seat, but is ok to sit and play in it when not strapped in.

[Monkey Toes]

Oh, I totally sympathize and this sounds pretty normal to me. It is VERY stressful to hear your baby crying in the car. For us, it has gotten easier as our baby has gotten older (she's now 11 months), but I still limit my trips out as much as possible. We'll sometimes do quick trips to the store during the day, but for anything long or even multi stop I try to wait for weekends when we can go out with my husband. Then I sit in the backseat so I can entertain her... and I'm very good at nursing in the car, too.

I vividly remember a time when she was about two and a half months old and I was sitting in back with her but we were stuck in traffic and she just couldn't be consoled, which sent me right over the edge and I sat there sobbing because it's so frustrating when there's nothing you can do. She gave me this look with a little smile as if saying "please? please?"--between her own sobs--and it tore me to shreds. Or a time when my MIL was visiting and I stopped the car and made her switch with me and drive so I could sit by the baby--she was telling me that "she'll be fine, don't worry," and I said, "yes, but I'm not safe as a driver when I hear her cry like that." I can tell I drive faster and generally not as safely when she gets really upset.

Any time we're not in the car, I wear her. We've never once used a stroller--through 16 plane rides and plenty of days out. The carseat situation stinks, I totally know, but over time it'll probably get easier. For me, it was just one of the ways I had to accept that my life was different. I can't go out anytime I feel like it. Oh, and I have done my fair share of walking from place to place just to avoid the car, like making my husband drive from one store to the other while I walked because she was asleep and I wasn't going to dare take her out of the wrap. It's actually sort of funny to reflect back on all the ways we wrap ourselves around this kiddo. The car situation has gotten easier, really, so hopefully you can just wait it out. Now she'll cry as I put her in but usually calms down by the time I finish buckling her in, and will be okay for short distances. Time solves all. Oh, and singing really peppy songs helps too. I've arrived home completely hoarse. Hehe.

[Quirky]

I can only recommend trying a convertible seat -- I was 3 for 3 on carseat haters, on one memorable 20 minute drive home from Whole Foods we had to pull over three times and my baby ended up vomiting from screaming so hard. With each and every one of them I was limited to a 15 minute radius from home -- not that they wouldn't scream during those 15 minutes, but that was about the limit my nerves and mama instincts could take.

FWIW, it's really not related to babywearing. I know non-babywearing parents who have had the same experience. So please don't doubt yourself on the BW/AP front -- carseats and cars are very, very new technologies and our babies are essentially cave babies who are programmed with survival mode instincts of tens of thousands of years of evolution.

I did find with each of them that the convertible really helped -- if you can try a friend's, do that and see if it helps. Think of the bucket seat as a sunk cost and invest in a good convertible like a Britax if you can. If it doesn't help, it doesn't help, but I think something in the positioning of the bucket which kinda crunches them up made it uncomfortable for my babies, one of which was a confirmed refluxer and the other two of which had reflux-y tendencies.

[MamaPhD]

Hang in there! DD cried a lot in the car during first couple of months. But she grew out of it by like 3 mo or so. Now she is OK in car seat most of the time. So I wish you are in the same situation like us!!!