Anyone up for reading 'Unconditional Parenting' and having a discussion week by week and chapter... - Page 3

[unschoolinmom]

Originally Posted by mamaofthree

something i am curious to see if Alfie touches on, is when do we (as parents) get to put our needs first. as a pp said when you are standing the the cold and snow and you are gently encouraging the child to put a move on it and then finally it is like ... HURRY UP! i don't want my kids to see me as this meanie, but you know sometimes i just want them to move it! lol sometimes i don't want to spend 20 minutes explaining why we have to get in the van to pick up sister. just do it! i am sure this will come easier as i break old patterns. and they learn that i am not going to get all freaky and yell. that right now there will be alot of explaining on my part and alot of them learning this new way of doing things.

it truly is really a completely different way to parent. i never really thought of time outs as bad, i mean they were better then hitting, but when he puts it the way he does, it seems almost worse. and i have done that for years. i do wonder though about when mama needs a time out to gather her self... how do you do that without your child thinking you are not loving them?

some of the other things seem pretty obvious... like forcing sorries and embarrassing a child. i think "we" do that so other parents think we are "in control" not so much as to teach our child anything, because honestly when my lo hits his bb he isn't sorry, he is mad and doesn't have the words to say so. (not the hitting is right, but you know what i mean i hope.)

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I had learned after this week of being sick that it IS okay for me to be selfish for myself sometimes. I have a sign on my fridge that says "The P in Parent does NOT stand for Perfect". It really helps me remember that I too have feelings that need to be met by all members of the family if we are to be a family unit.

For example, I'm doing my final paper for bio class and it's due this coming week. During all final weeks of class, I have one rule: Leave me be until you see that I'm free. No one is to bother me until I am done and then they have my full attention. Unless it's a dire emergency, my kids have learned to respect my wishes as I've respected theirs.

If we as parents (especially us moms) do not take a chance to give ourselves breaks, then we are not going to be any good to our children or family. To be good to others, you MUST be good to you too!

[Just1More]

I have a question. I seem to be reading that children are inherently 'good'. I tend to agree. But, doesn't the Bible teach that people are inherently "bad'?

My personal experience has been that when I give my children the benefit of the doubt, we go much farther quicker. When I slip into the authoritarian role, we start slidding backwards in a hurry. Hmmm....as I type, I think I may be figuring it out.

The difference in non-punitive parenting seems to be that since children are 'good', they will do what is right if we just understand them and help them a bit. The other view is that they need correction because they are inherently 'bad'. Does that make sense?

If you are Christian, and this matters to you, how do you reconcile the two?

Perhaps it doesn't even matter whether they are 'good' or 'bad'. Perhaps what matters is only who I am. I am called to love, and love assumes the best, and love does not give tit for tat.

Thoughts?

[Trinitty]

I've read it in the past, so I will mostly just be reading the posts! Count me in.

[unschoolinmom]

Dh and I read, then re-read chapters 8 and 9. I really like them. I like how he broke down the "baker's dozen" especially Don't be rigid and Don't put you no's in unneccessarily. Then understanding how to allow children more choice was great to read as well.

[Lovin' It]

nakking
Just got the book and am planning to read thru the thread, but just quickly if someone could let me know what chapter is up for discussion next and when so I know when I need to catch up by. I'd like to be in on the next chapter discussion.

thanks!