Help me help my child learn impulse control

[annettemarie]

I have some real concerns about my 6-year-old's lack of self-control. We don't have any sort of diagnosis on him, but I suspect ADD or... I don't know, something. He has zero impulse control. I'm not exaggerating. It's like he can't get control over himself for anything-- not for a reward, not for a consequence, and certainly just not because it's time. I really need some ideas to help him learn this skill and would love suggestions.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

You might cross post in special needs.

Does a cup of weak coffee help him focus?

Executive function (the ability to place your attention where you want it, maintain a focus, make a plan and follow through, stop yourself from doing something, etc) is what he needs to develop.

Research suggests that the best way to develop executive function is through free play with other children, particularly fantasy play, as this involves making a plan and then acting it out, and the impetus to do so comes from within, as opposed to having a teacher or parent provide the structure and reminders to keep him on track (external control vs. internal control). In play with other children, its typical for the children to make a plan ("you be the pirate and I'll be the shark and you have to walk the plank" then follow through as the play is acted out.

Playing games like hide and seek can help, as he must remain in one place waiting to be found; this takes some self-control. You can play as a family and gradually try to extend the amount of time you spend "looking" before you find him as his ability to stay hidden increases.

"Writing" a play together then acting it out for other members of the family might help, or maybe he would be interested in a drama class.

If he has trouble sitting for any duration (like at mealtimes or to do schoolwork type stuff) he might be able to sit longer on a hippity hop. Increased need for sensory stimulation, particularly vestibular (full body) motion, seems to go along with ADD/ADHD frequently. Access to a swingset on a daily basis, indoor trampoline, body sock, etc should have a calming and focusing effect.

[annettemarie]

Thanks. I've never tried giving him coffee. It never occurred to me.

He's really not doing any formal school right now. He just turned 6 at the end of September, and while I fill 12 workboxes for him each day, it's really mostly toys. He does a lot of fantasy play and he is in basketball and goes to co-op as well as Sunday School and choir. He has trouble functioning in all those situations.

Thank you for those ideas. I'll see about getting a hippity hop.