FIL teaching bad words

[twead]

I should have written this weeks ago to have more responses and my own mental preparation. We will be leaving soon to IL's for the holidays. DH's stepdad loves children but has this really awful habit. He loves to teach the little ones to say 'Aww, bull shit'. Even the children who are prepped of what not to say end up falling for it one way or another. Well, none of the parents know how to react/discipline their children. DH remembers his cousins getting spanked for it. We agreed when ds was an infant there was no way we would discipline our son for repeating what Pa says. But should we just ignore it completely? What can we say that will make him think about what he is actually doing? I think it is a breech of trust between him and his grandson, but what do I say?

Oh, and this will happen with a full audience of about 50 people at his mother's house.

[sapphire_chan]

Practice beforehand to teach DS to respond "Yes you're full of it!" to anyone who says "aww, BS"?

Instead of a gift, bring along the amount you would've spent on a gift for FIL in cash. Every time one of the kids says FIL's pet phrase, take away a $1.



But really, I wouldn't go to that family gathering. They hit their kids for repeating what FIL said? And then he kept on doing it even after he got the kids hit for it? Sadistic :.

[sgmom]

How old is your son? And how long will you be staying with your in-laws?

I would first determine how big of a deal this is to you (to me there are no such thing as bad words, only bad intentions), and decide whether or not to go in the first place. I agree with SC that teaching your child something (or worse, someone else's), then hitting them when they repeat the behavior is not a crowd I would want my children to be a part of.

That said, depending on the age of the child (of course), asking them to ignore the behavior (and explaining why) is not all that much different than teaching that beer is for grown ups. Some things are just not meant for kids.

I would have a VERY serious discussion with your son (and maybe even your FIL) before leaving that this behavior might take place (and how upset about it you are), and try to work out (WITH your child) a suitable way to deal with it. Either by ignoring the behavior, or by making it into a game (only to be played with your FIL). But I think avoidance is the best technique once you get there... if you can, just try to be busy to your FIL doesn't have a lot of time to have his fun.

Whatever you decide, don't let it ruin your (or your son's) holidays.
Best of luck!

[crunchy_mommy]

Honestly, I'd probably just say (or have DH say) to FIL that if he uses any profanity around my son that we'd be leaving immediately & staying at a hotel. Or some similar threat that you'd be prepared to carry through with. Give 2-3 warnings to FIL and if he insisted, I'd leave.

I know there may be better ways to handle the situation but I think that's what I'd do. We don't use profanity in our house & I would expect grandparents etc. to do the same in my son's presence.

[rightkindofme]

I wouldn't have any interest in disciplining a child for that. I would tell the FIL that he is behaving inappropriately and I will leave if he continues. I would probably also tell him off but I'm like that.

[AnnieNimIty]

Originally Posted by rightkindofme

I wouldn't have any interest in disciplining a child for that. I would tell the FIL that he is behaving inappropriately and I will leave if he continues. I would probably also tell him off but I'm like that.

This, and no extra warnings. You tell him once (he is an adult) and follow through.

Also, I would tell him before it started. Say, "I know you have done this in the past, but we don't want our children using profanity, if you use it around our kids we will spend the holiday away from you."