Originally Posted by JL83
It sounds like your DD needs some help in learning how to stand up for herself.
With our DD we will help her figure out the words, and then send her back to the person to use those words. I don't think that speaking for her will do anything to help her or teach her.
My way of helping her is by being with her and modeling how to handle things, until such time as she has better impulse-control and is ready to handle things on her own.
But I am accustomed to people telling me that my way of helping my children, really isn't helping them or teaching them anything.
I've already shared about the toileting -- another example is in how I delt with the way that she used to be quite extremely-aggressive with other kids. Sometimes in anger or fighting over toys -- but sometimes just because she'd feel these sudden urges to grab someone's face and squeeze really hard.
So I was constantly shadowing her in situations with other kids -- staying at arm's length well past the age when all her friends' moms were sitting off to the side chatting. Because she could be getting along fine for a while, and then suddenly get aggressive without warning.
So I was always at the ready to just take her out of situations when I could tell she'd had enough of the group setting, and might be about to hurt someone. And for quite sometime I got so tired that I avoided these group situations as much as I could, while at the same time meeting my older child's needs to get out and about.
People warned me that if I didn't hit or punish her in some way, she'd never learn. They warned me that dd just wasn't one of those kids who could learn though me taking her aside and talking with her. And of course they thought she'd do better if I wasn't always hovering (SHE probably would have been fine -- it was actually THEIR kids I was trying to protect, LOL).
But I persevered with what I knew in my heart to be right -- and now for the most part she gets along wonderfully with other children, and I get to sit off to the side and chat now, too. So she has heaps more impulse-control than she did a year ago -- but can still get intensely-violent if she feels like people are getting into her personal space and not respecting her boundaries ...
And it's really not that she has a big PHYSICAL-space bubble. She actually loves and seeks out physical touch and likes intense, rambuntious contact with others. But psychologically, she has a really huge bubble wherein she just expects others to leave her alone and respect her choices.
And so far, adults seem to invade this bubble waay more than the little ones in her age-group do.