What is the worst/dumbest thing anyone has ever said to you about parenting stuff? V - Page 52

[Kelly1101]

Ugh.  I hate this sexist crap.  Parenting is a learned skill, you don't need Girl Parts to do it.  Good for your husband (and you) :)
 

Originally Posted by livacreature 

Do they think teeth mean they automatically with chew your nipple off instead of latching?  Weird....

Oh, both DH and I have gotten a lot of anti-dad comments.  He does babycare while I work on weekends and in the late afternoons/early evenings.  I do the babycare while he works during the morning/early afternoon and nights.  "Oh, that won't last long.  You're going to hire a sitter for her within a month."  "Dads are fine for older kids, but they just can't do babies."  "Dads don't know what their kids need."  "I can't believe your wife talked you in to that!"  I've had several people ask if I was worried he would drop her/forget to feed her/not change her.

Seriously.  He can do everything I can do just as well except you know, breastfeed.  I don't know why society doesn't seem to think that dad's can be equal parenting partners.  I'm a better mom because I work.  I'm able to work because I know that she is with someone who loves her as much as I do and is on the same page with her care.  He loves taking care of her, I would never second guess his ability to care for his child.  It would be so offensive to say that stuff about a mother, but people seem to think that dad=non-nurturing Homer Simpson.

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by tooraloora 

Today I was informed that it is my fault that my DS isn't talking yet because I've always responded to his needs, and that I should stop responding to him immediately or he'll never have any reason to talk.

I was basically told this...by DS1's case management person. He was speech delayed (and is now leaning advanced). She HATED his signing for some reason (the speech therapist had no problem with it) This woman would hold toys back and tell him "Can you say more?" He would sign it. "No, say MORE." He would sign it. "No..." By that time he was DONE and would get up and walk off. The next time it happened I stepped in after the first "no" and said, "He DID say more." She looked confused at me and kept writing on the sheets "Refuses to say 'more' instead of sign." UHM, he was communicating...lets work on words he DOESN'T know.

She was also the one that seemed upset that my son didn't know basic shapes. I tried teaching him the names and how to identify them and he did not care one iota. He did, however, care about learning animals and could tell the difference between a cheetah and leopard at 2...but there's obviously something wrong because he doesn't know a circle from a square (which he does now).

lol More about her...

She also was shocked and weirded out that he didn't know who Barney was...I HATE Barney. He annoys the crap out of me. We don't have TV (we watch things online) but she was always surprised when my kid didn't know "basic cartoon characters."

Yeah, we're not in therapy anymore...

Originally Posted by erigeron 

A friend got us 2 packs of sposies. I was irritated at first... but then when the baby was born, it turned out she didn't fit into any of the cloth diapers we had--they were all too large, and we were glad we had those disposables after all.

I was more irritated that I registered for specific cloth diapers and my mom showed up with a bunch of Gerbers from babies r us and said that these were the best prefolds you can get now. Um, those are the best prefolds you can get at a brick and mortar retail chain store, but there ARE better ones out there, including the SPECIFIC ONES I REGISTERED FOR. Blah.

Keep 'em. They make great kitchen towels!

Originally Posted by Kelly1101 

Yeah.  He'll totally be pissing in his pants in college if he isn't potty trained by 3.  That happens ALL THE TIME.  It's an epidemic, really.

Only if there's a direct correlation between not being potty trained by 3 and excessive drinking...

Originally Posted by livacreature 

Do they think teeth mean they automatically with chew your nipple off instead of latching?  Weird....

Oh, both DH and I have gotten a lot of anti-dad comments.  He does babycare while I work on weekends and in the late afternoons/early evenings.  I do the babycare while he works during the morning/early afternoon and nights.  "Oh, that won't last long.  You're going to hire a sitter for her within a month."  "Dads are fine for older kids, but they just can't do babies."  "Dads don't know what their kids need."  "I can't believe your wife talked you in to that!"  I've had several people ask if I was worried he would drop her/forget to feed her/not change her.

Seriously.  He can do everything I can do just as well except you know, breastfeed.  I don't know why society doesn't seem to think that dad's can be equal parenting partners.  I'm a better mom because I work.  I'm able to work because I know that she is with someone who loves her as much as I do and is on the same page with her care.  He loves taking care of her, I would never second guess his ability to care for his child.  It would be so offensive to say that stuff about a mother, but people seem to think that dad=non-nurturing Homer Simpson.

Dude. I had BAD PPD with my first. When my husband got home he was like Super Dad with DS1. 

Some of mine...

DS2 is intact (DS1 is circ'd) and, upon learning this, my dad tells me "Well I'm glad someone circumcised me." Yep, that should TOTALLY be your next Christmas card to your mom. "Thanks for the circumcision!" SIGH

Just yesterday DH came upon a conversation about "when it's time to stop BFing." A friend, who wasn't involved but knows DH's stance, brought him in because DH loves to debate. When asked "How long do you think babies should BF?" DH didn't hesitate before replying, "2 years." He was bombarded with comments like "Yuck, you're one of THOSE." and "OMG That's child abuse!" 

[Vrai]

"She's never going to learn to walk if you don't put her down." (multiple times, starting when DD was 6 freakin months, and they didn't stop until she was walking, at 13 mos)

Yeah. She's almost 4 now. That dire prediction didn't pan out too well :) She's tall and all legs and runs like there's no tomorrow.

"You really should stop carrying her in that sling. It will deform her spine." (14-15mos or so)

"You're turning her into a spoiled brat by carrying her when she can walk. She doesn't need to be held any more. Put her in a stroller if you have to." (3yrs)

"Spoiling" by love and affection would have done this person some good.

All from the same person, too. Notice how the dire predictions keep changing as she gets older? It's like the people who predict the apocalypse, and as soon as the big day comes and goes, they come up with a recalculation, LOL.

[Kelly1101]

The first one especially-- I love the "never" comments.  I really do.  My favorite was "she's NEVER going to learn to eat with a spoon if you keep giving her fingerfoods."

I mean, I get the sentiment, but-- Never?  NEVER?  IN HER ENTIRE LIFE?  

PS-- she has been able to eat with a spoon since she turned 2.  So much for Never.

Originally Posted by Vrai 

"She's never going to learn to walk if you don't put her down." (multiple times, starting when DD was 6 freakin months, and they didn't stop until she was walking, at 13 mos)

Yeah. She's almost 4 now. That dire prediction didn't pan out too well :) She's tall and all legs and runs like there's no tomorrow.

"You really should stop carrying her in that sling. It will deform her spine." (14-15mos or so)

"You're turning her into a spoiled brat by carrying her when she can walk. She doesn't need to be held any more. Put her in a stroller if you have to." (3yrs)

"Spoiling" by love and affection would have done this person some good.

All from the same person, too. Notice how the dire predictions keep changing as she gets older? It's like the people who predict the apocalypse, and as soon as the big day comes and goes, they come up with a recalculation, LOL.

[Vrai]

Haha, I know! Overdramatic, much?

People used to tell my mom that if, "those kids aren't out of [her] bed by 2, they'll NEVER leave!"

Last I checked, I did, in fact, leave my mom's bed ;)
 

Originally Posted by Kelly1101 

The first one especially-- I love the "never" comments.  I really do.  My favorite was "she's NEVER going to learn to eat with a spoon if you keep giving her fingerfoods."

I mean, I get the sentiment, but-- Never?  NEVER?  IN HER ENTIRE LIFE?  

PS-- she has been able to eat with a spoon since she turned 2.  So much for Never.

[Katie8681]

Originally Posted by KristyDi 


"Oh, he dosen't want to play with the baby! He's a BOY!"

I guess that despite the fact that this little boy was in fact playing with a baby and smiling and laughing, that boys never never like babies.

That's so sad!! I have had little boys go extremely gaga over my 6 mo old DS. It's very sweet. Why would anyone try to extinguish that nurturing behavior?

[Ohhedgehogs]

My husband and I hope to adopt internationally someday, ideally a sibling group. My brother in law (husbands brother) upon hearing this looked me in the eye, dead serious and said "Well. Just make sure you get a girl from China so everyone KNOWS you adopted her"

There are no words, two years after this incedent that even come to my mind as a response. I am STILL speechless...

[jimblejamble]

While nursing my son when he was about 8 or 9 months old my husband's grandma curled up her nose and said "You know you'll have to stop doing that pretty soon, right?" (eyeroll!) She's also convinced that we were trying to kill Jude by cosleeping. He just recently started sleeping in a crib, at the end of November (my back couldn't take any more of him rotating 90 degrees, making the 3 of us form an H, and dangling on the edge of the bed for 3/4 of the night, otherwise we'd still be doing it because I love snuggling with him ) and almost every time we saw her from the time he was born until now, she'd ask when he's going to start sleeping in his crib. We'd say "Not for a while, he's still with us till he's older" and she'd go "But that's so DANGEROUS!!!" Hmm, somehow I survived and Jude has managed to come out unscathed as well. It's a miracle!

[ziursrm]

Oh man, that would infuriate me. I was shocked to find out my mom was letting my 4yo have root beer when he was over on Sunday afternoons. She didn't let me have soda until I was like 10 and then only rarely. At least she stopped when I asked her to. She used to work as an ER nurse and has seen many parents bring in 1 yo with soda in their bottles! How ludicrous is that?

[ziursrm]

Originally Posted by RoseDuperre 

Time for some Holiday Hijinks in this thread. Nothing MAJOR here but annoying nonetheless. My MIL literally poured SODA into Lily's (20 month old) mouth today. Lily ONLY drinks water, and was in the process of drinking and enjoying some when Grandma came on over and said "Here, try some pop!" I said something about oh, she's just having some water, and MIL literally said (to Lily, not me, of course) "Come on, try it! It's better!"

I don't even want her having juice, for cripe's sake, but I could tolerate some watered-down juice if it's real juice and not 90% HFSC and dye - with permission. Because things are always SO TENSE with her about food, among many other things, and it's caused problems with DP, since I'm always the bad guy saying to to candy, sugar, allergens that we've explained a million times. Seriously, how hard is it to remember that gluten/wheat is a no-no? And how obscure a fact is it that anything made with freakin' FLOUR is therefore made of wheat and therefore is not okay? I could understand if someone didn't know that soy sauce has gluten, or malt, or beer, or something much less obvious, but how many times do I have to say no to BREAD and CAKE and PASTA and flipping TRISCUITS??

Anyway, so when it came to the soda, I literally froze. DP wasn't in the room, but his little brother had the sense to say "Come on, Mom, she doesn't need soda." She replied "It's Sierra Mist. It doesn't have caffeine," (yeah, because that's the only issue) and then tried to give her more! Lily wanted nothing to do with it. Good for her, but why did she have to even have that first gulp???



DP agreed that next time I AM allowed to refuse, or he will if he's there. Because there will be a next time.

Oh man, that would infuriate me. I was shocked to find out my mom was letting my 4yo have root beer when he was over on Sunday afternoons. She didn't let me have soda until I was like 10 and then only rarely. At least she stopped when I asked her to. She used to work as an ER nurse and has seen many parents bring in 1 yo with soda in their bottles! How ludicrous is that?

[ziursrm]

Originally Posted by KristyDi 

I was at a playground w/ a good friend recently our dd's, both 21 months were hanging out and playing. We were chatting and her 6 month old dd was in her car seat watching everything.

The woman sitting next to us said many many dumb things in the 15 min we were there before she left. This was my favorite.

Several of the older kids, including this woman's daughter and an older toddler boy (maybe 3 or 4 years old) had come over and were playing with my friend's 6 month old. This was fine with my friend and the baby was happy. The woman's daughter said, "Look mama we're playing with baby!" the woman's brilliant response. . .

"Oh, he dosen't want to play with the baby! He's a BOY!"

I guess that despite the fact that this little boy was in fact playing with a baby and smiling and laughing, that boys never never like babies.

My son is "all boy" as my mom likes to say, but he has always loved babies. When he was 2 we got him a baby doll to help prepare him for the arrival of his little sister. He loved that thing for years. I even have pictures of him teaching his sister how to change it's diaper and nurse it when it  was hungry. My friend's little boy used to run around the house breastfeeding is robots while his mom nursed his little sister. They imitate what they see and my son sees his daddy play, love, and interact with babies so it's just normal behavior for boys in our world.

[Amanda1]

I've had many many many strange comments...like most of you

Here are 2 that come to mind

1- a public health nurse at a baby group I went to for babies 0- 6 months and new mommas was giving a talk about first foods....she suggested that red meat was the best idea for 1st food!!! I believe the idea was that they will like it the least so give it to them first to get them used to it ( i understand some people give babies red meat, thats fine...but to sugest to a group of new moms not to feed fruit or veg but meat only, not ok)

2- My SIL (who is more AP than most other people around her) told me she didnt want to get a teething necklace (I told her how great we found it) becuse (and I kid you not)..... he needed to get USED to the pain, that if she made his teething pain better he would always have problems with pain!!!!!!!!!!! Her son was only maybe 6 months old at the time.

[ziursrm]

Originally Posted by Smithie 



I got a lot of the same kind of doom-and-gloom, and I felt like it was an attempt to INTIMIDATE me into giving up AP methods in favor of scheduling and CIO, because otherwise I'd be a miserable filthy bedraggled drudge. I don't think it does a darn bit of good to tell somebody that it's normal and healthy for them to be chronically exhausted and perform no personal or household maintenance for a couple of years. Lots and lots of parents can be AP without the whole martyrdom angle.

I got a lot of this as well. Some of my goals I've lived up to and some I didn't. But what's wrong with having high standards to start with as long as you can take it all in stride and learn to be flexible as life happens? I stuck to the most important things. I've noticed that people that make these comments are more often reflecting on their own failures and hope that by bringing your expectations down a notch it will alleviate some of their self-inflicted guilt. I always want to tell them that just because it didn't work out for them doesn't mean I can't make it work for me. It also doesn't mean I'm judging their choices just because I want to do something different than they did.

[silversparrow]

Originally Posted by Amanda1 

I've had many many many strange comments...like most of you

Here are 2 that come to mind

1- a public health nurse at a baby group I went to for babies 0- 6 months and new mommas was giving a talk about first foods....she suggested that red meat was the best idea for 1st food!!! I believe the idea was that they will like it the least so give it to them first to get them used to it ( i understand some people give babies red meat, thats fine...but to sugest to a group of new moms not to feed fruit or veg but meat only, not ok)

I thought this was really weird the first time I heard it too, and I definitely don't believe in feeding ONLY meat, but when I did my research I found it's because babies need lots of iron and have difficulty getting enough from vegetable sources since they can't break down the cellulose well yet. I still thought that it was strange and would be hard on my LOs (6 mos at the time) tummy, until I tried it.... and found that it was the veggies passing nearly undigested into his diaper and the meat was not! I also found that when he gets more protein during the day, he sleeps better at night (eg. yogurt at breakfast, eggs at lunch, meat at supper) as long as it's not greasy or too spicy.

[Vrai]

Originally Posted by Ohhedgehogs 

My husband and I hope to adopt internationally someday, ideally a sibling group. My brother in law (husbands brother) upon hearing this looked me in the eye, dead serious and said "Well. Just make sure you get a girl from China so everyone KNOWS you adopted her"

There are no words, two years after this incedent that even come to my mind as a response. I am STILL speechless...

My partner and I have had exactly the opposite comment many times. "Get a baby in the US so that it's not obvious they're adopted, or maybe Russia, since they're still white."

Like we could hide the fact that they were adopted if they're simply the same race (because all people within their own race look alike, of course). Why would we even WANT to hide it?

[minkajane]

I have a cute story to share from DS's birthday party today. One of the little boys there (6-7yo) was loving all over 8mo DD. At one point DD started to nurse but I had a drapey shirt on so he couldn't really see what she was doing. She popped off to look around and made a big slurping noise and he exclaimed, "She kissed you!" which cracked me up. Then he said something about taking her to dance and I said she was eating. He said, "How is she eating when she's just sucking on your clothes?" I explained to him that some babies get bottles and others got milk from their mommies and that's what she was doing. He seemed confused but nodded and went to dance some more. I just thought it was the cutest thing!

[purslaine]

When i responded to my toddler sons needs a crazy neighbour said "oh, he is the little prince, isn't he?"  implying i was spoiling him by attending to his needs.

That reminds me...My MIL suggested I leave my under 6 month old crying on her bed while we ate.  Umm - no.

The whackiest though, was when another crazy neighbour told me I really should not homeschool my kids - because if I ever needed welfare I would not be able to get it and homeschool, and if my kids grew up and needed welfare they could get in trouble for not having a diploma!  I do not doubt welfare has some rules around welfare and homeschooling, but I am not going to give up homeschooling now on the off chance I need welfare in the future.  

[jenrose]

Originally Posted by Amanda1 

I've had many many many strange comments...like most of you

Here are 2 that come to mind

1- a public health nurse at a baby group I went to for babies 0- 6 months and new mommas was giving a talk about first foods....she suggested that red meat was the best idea for 1st food!!! I believe the idea was that they will like it the least so give it to them first to get them used to it ( i understand some people give babies red meat, thats fine...but to sugest to a group of new moms not to feed fruit or veg but meat only, not ok)

2- My SIL (who is more AP than most other people around her) told me she didnt want to get a teething necklace (I told her how great we found it) becuse (and I kid you not)..... he needed to get USED to the pain, that if she made his teething pain better he would always have problems with pain!!!!!!!!!!! Her son was only maybe 6 months old at the time.

New recommendations on first foods put meat much higher on the list of better foods, and grains much lower. Meat at least has fat, protein and iron without being sprayed with chemicals. That said, babyfood meat wont' be my baby's first food, but he might well get well-cooked grass fed beef really early on in the grand scheme of things. Meat as a first food has much more to recommend it than that awful glue they've been pushing at babies for the last 40+ years. 
 

As for #2... O.o  Soothing pain early and often helps people cope with pain lifelong. As a chronic pain sufferer, I can tell her that feeling it more doesn't make it easier to deal with. Early pain can wire the brain differently over the long term. 

[Kelly1101]

I've heard the meat thing before.  Baby's first foods are apparently this wildly controversial thing right now.  I started w/ fruits and veggies, tho.

And getting used to pain?!?!?!  WTF?

Originally Posted by Amanda1 

I've had many many many strange comments...like most of you

Here are 2 that come to mind

1- a public health nurse at a baby group I went to for babies 0- 6 months and new mommas was giving a talk about first foods....she suggested that red meat was the best idea for 1st food!!! I believe the idea was that they will like it the least so give it to them first to get them used to it ( i understand some people give babies red meat, thats fine...but to sugest to a group of new moms not to feed fruit or veg but meat only, not ok)

2- My SIL (who is more AP than most other people around her) told me she didnt want to get a teething necklace (I told her how great we found it) becuse (and I kid you not)..... he needed to get USED to the pain, that if she made his teething pain better he would always have problems with pain!!!!!!!!!!! Her son was only maybe 6 months old at the time.

[Katie8681]

"That said, babyfood meat wont' be my baby's first food, but he might well get well-cooked grass fed beef really early on in the grand scheme of things. Meat as a first food has much more to recommend it than that awful glue they've been pushing at babies for the last 40+ years."

I tasted babyfood chicken or turkey at a baby shower once, and I literally gagged. I wouldn't feed my cat that crap.

I hate how much stress I'm feeling about what foods to start DS with, and how much pressure there is to have him on solids! I agonize over it (baby led? rice cereal with breast milk? mushed table food? unmushed table food?now? in a month?) but how it's turning out is if I'm eating something healthy and he stares, I mush up a little bit on my finger and let him have a palmful. *shrug*