euthanasia questions-- timing? kids in room?

[Sierra]

My sweet old dog has been sick and the vet has discovered her abdomen is full of tumors. She's old enough, and there are enough large tumors in everything from her liver to her stomach that "putting her down" before it gets really bad is the right thing to do. For now, we're working to keep her comfortable, but we're going to act fast as needed.

I have so many questions. I don't want to bring her in when she is suffering really badly-- I don't want her to suffer a lot more than she is now-- but I think I will have a hard time figuring out when is the right time to bring her in. Though she seems uncomfortable now, she doesn't seem to be in pain per se. When she is laying down, she is alert and peaceful. How can I pick the right time to just pick her up and take her in?

Also, I've talked with the kids about this. They are turning four in March and five in April. My ds (the almost five year old) is being very quiet about it. dd (the almost four year old) is processing it very verbally, but without a lot of sadness. She is able to talk about our dog being old and sick, and that her life is ending. She knows that we'll probably have to take her to the vet to help her die so she doesn't have to be in pain.

ds remembers our other dog's very sudden and tragic death last year, but dd does not seem to have a cognitive memory of it. ds still talks about our other dog's death, still seems to struggle with it. This has been a tough couple of years.

Anyway, I remember my mom finding our dog dead (old age) when I was about dd and ds' age. I remember that seeing my dog's body was an important part of my processing. I think it would probably be good for the kids to say goodbye, but I don't know if they should be in the room for the shot or wait until afterward so that the dog can get cleaned up in case of a release of bowels, etc.

And are they too young, overall? The vet said it was fine as far as he was concerned for them to be there. The folks at the office are really sweet too, and I think will be very compassionate and caring for all of us.

[HappyAgain]

Our family had two different experiences last year. My 14 year old Keeshond was deaf, blind, lame, not eating, I think just shutting down. We scheduled the appointment. They gave her one shot and she just literally went to sleep and died. It was very peaceful and the staff were so supportive..

My daughter and son in law had to take their Malamute in. She was elderly and cancer ridden. They could not find a vein and the dog was struggling, they had to hold her down and it took four or five times to finally get the needle in and the dog was howling and fighting. Son in law totally lost it, it was not peaceful at all...

In neither case did we take our kids. My son eight. Or there son eight and daughter 11. We felt for us that we didn't want to have this be their last memory of the dogs. Instead we had them say their goodbyes at home and give the dogs all the special treats, brushing and love they could..

In my case it would have been okay, but I would have felt horrible if it had gone the other way with my son there...It was the same vet in both cases..

I am sorry that it is time for your furbaby to go, but I think you are doing the right thing.

[broodymama]

I'm sorry.

Since October 2008 I've lost 2 kitties to cancer, one was euthanized and the other passed at home. With my Zoe girl that was euthanized, I just knew it was time. (Actually, it should have been done a few days earlier but I was in denial.) But it was obvious that her quality of life had seriously degraded. My older two were 2 and 4 at the time, and they were not there with me. Before we left they got the chance to say goodbye - we carried Zoe around the house to her favorite places, petted her and told her how much we loved her, held her in the sun in the window where she loved to lay and nap, and they got to kiss her goodbye. Then after we returned, they did get to see her body. This was their first experience with death. (She was at the vet overnight, so when I went in for the euthanasia the vet had already gotten the needle in the vein and had her wrapped in a towel, all the preps were done before she was brought in.)

With Tatjana, the vet recommended putting her down when we found out her cancer had returned, but I knew in my heart it wasn't time yet. She was still active and seeking out company, acting normal. I had another two weeks with her, and we all lavished her with love and treats. The day she died she deteriorated quickly, within 10 hours, and it was obvious she would be passing. Once again the kids got to say goodbye before bed, loving her and kissing her. They were not there when she passed, it was in the middle of the night when I was the only one awake and keeping vigil. We buried her the next day and the kids were there for that.

For my kids (well, mainly my oldest, I know DD1 was definitely too young), they were not old enough to be there during the actual euthanasia. Plus I felt better knowing they were over playing at a friend's house, when I could devote all my attention to my last moments with my pet.

I'm so sorry about your dog, mama, so sorry.

[Sierra]

So the shot has to be done IV?

[KalamazooMom]

We just had our dog euthanized last Wednesday. I posted a fairly lengthy description in my thread about chemotherapy for a dog if you're interested.

I don't think I would have your kids in the room when they gave the shot. In our case the vet shaved a little spot on her front leg and injected it in a vein there. Our experience was very peaceful. My DD (9) came back in the room once the dog had passed and I do think it was good for her to see the dog and be able to pet her and say a final good bye.

Based on my recent experience I would put the dog down sooner rather than later. I think it was very hard on my kids to see the dog miserable those last few hours.

Good luck and best wishes to you. This is such a difficult thing to do.

[JL83]

My DD was not quite 3 when we put down our cat. We talked about it alot at home. We talked about how his kidneys didn't work anymore and he was going to die. Then we spend some time as a family saying good-bye to him and DH took him to the vet.

I don't think I'd take kids to the vet.

[scbegonias]

We put down our beloved kitty over the summer. DD (5) and DS (2) did not come. We offered to take DD along, but she declined. They were both active participants in Boo's memorial ceremony and burial.

This all aided us when a favorite auntie passed away in October. Although, DD wondered why we couldn't help her like we helped Boo. I explained that auntie (who live in WA) chose to pass naturally, and that with Boo, we made the decision. She accepted that, and trusted me on what was best for Boo.

[Sierra]

We put her down this afternoon. I am in the minority, it sounds, but we did bring the kids. We talked to them about it, and they strongly wanted to be there. It was peaceful, though she never closed her eyes which was hard. We had been told she was going to go to sleep, so when she did not, it was a little shock for me (I don't know what the kids thought...they didn't mention it). ds cried on the way home, but both kids are now eating dinner and asking to watch a movie. I think the grief for all of us will come in waves. Sad, sad waves.

I will always question my timing about this. We made the decision earlier today when she was shaking in pain, but by the time I got home from work so we could all take her in she was alert and even happy. I went back and forth for the entire hour until we had to be there, and even nearly turned the car around a few times. That is absolutely, hands down, the hardest thing for me about all this.

[broodymama]

[Sierra]

Dear Lord, I think I am going to vomit. The pain of losing her is awful tonight. Awful. The doubts about timing and all of that are also piled on it all, and it is just so hard to bear.

[KalamazooMom]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I do understand how hard this is having been through it so recently. I also question the timing of my decision, but in my heart of hearts I think I did the right thing, and I think you did too. A friend of mine told me dogs measure life in quality not quantity which was comforting to me.

I also got the book "Dog Heaven" by Cynthia Rylant from the library because a friend recommended it. You might also want to see if you can locate a copy. It's very well done.

Hope you can think about all your happy memories of your beloved girl.

[Sierra]

Thank you for your kind words and the book recommendation.

[sagewinna]

It's been very helpful for us to have a burial ceremony. The kids help dig the hole, we put the body (for rats) or ashes or collar in, sing a song, say a prayer, talk if we want about what we loved about the pet, then we each put something in the hole. Usually it's been food/ toy/ picture they drew/ etc. The we cry and cry, cover the hole and plant something over it so we can remember when we see the plant flower in the spring.

It's hard as we do it, but in the long run it has been very good for us to work through the loss.

[gumby74]

I could not read without posting. I had to "put down" my first pet last month and I could not believe the amount of pain I felt as well as the regrets I had. Was it the right time? Was there something else I could have done? Should I have stayed in the room to the very end? As he was sitting on DH's lap and I was looking into his eyes and bawling, I now wonder if I caused any anxiety for him? All these questions will never be answered, but what i have to keep reminding myself over and over again is that as a pet owner it is my job to make sure my pets are as pain free as possible. In the end....I set my cat free from his pain. I hope you feel the same and know that there are so many others out there who have felt the pain you have. Hang in there!

[daisymama12]

Sierra, do not second guess yourself about the timing. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that you did the right thing, and made good on your commitment to your beloved dog to take care of her all the way to the end.
If she was shaking in pain, then it was time.

I too struggled with the same doubts. My amazing dog was so tired and in pain, but on the day the vet came to euthanize him, he was able to go down our front steps, something he hadn't done in a week. He also wagged his tail, which he wasn't doing much, either. I struggled with this very intensely, esp. since my DH really wanted to wait, and I pushed for the euthanasia because I was afraid of him falling and breaking something, and then having to euthanize him in a crisis situation, with the kids in tow. This happened to my friend's English sheepdog - it was awful.

Then, I got some photos developed (back in the day before we had a digital camera) that had been taken a few days before he died, with my young sons. You could see the pain in his eyes. I stopped feeling guilty about doing it too soon, and actually now wonder if I shouldn't have done it before.

It's so hard to lose a dog! But imo you absolutely did the right, and compassionate thing.

[Sierra]

Thank you for these continued posts. They are very helpful.

[PlayaMama]

it is so hard to lose a pet. s

i too, involved my ds when we had to put my dog to sleep. we were able to give her tranquilizers before hand so it was easy and mellow, i was going to suggest that until i read the update.

here's the thing, even if your dog was feeling well in the moment, what was her quality of life like? was she enjoying life like a dog should? or was she in pain with small positive moments?

you made the decision you did based on the fact that she was in pain and suffering, just because she felt a little better later did not mean that she deserved more pain.

i waited too long with my dog and i still kick myself for it two years later. my dog hadn't wagged her tail in days, she was still able to get up and go out to go potty but she was in pain and unhappy and i let her stay like that for days because i wasn't sure if it was time.

i was being selfish and i wish that i had been able to call it earlier. my mom arrived to put her to sleep (she's a vet tech and had been there when she was born) and she immediately knew it was time.

and i was kind of surprised because i thought that i still had a few days and my mom was like, "are you kidding me? she's miserable." and i realized that i was holding on for me.

it was not a good feeling again, more s