Anyone else scared to spread the news?

[catlvr976]

Hello all. I find myself VERY unexpectedly visiting this forum.

I found out that I am pg with #4...yes, my fourth. I am terrified to tell my mom. I'm going through all the emotions....excitement, shock, fear, happiness, you name it. I've been with my bf for 8 1/2 months now. He's very happy, though shocked and nervous, but happy; he has no children of his own, this will be his first. I just don't know how to tell her. My girls don't know yet, but I'm suspecting they will be beyond happy, considering they've been asking me to have another baby and "have it be a boy so we can have a baby brother."

This was so very unexpected. I'm afraid to tell my mom, even though she had 4 kids herself, I'm the oldest and the only one who has any kids. In the past, when people have asked me if I was done, my mom would butt in and say, "yeah, I think so." Meanwhile, I always wanted 4 like her. I LOVE being one of 4 and wanted that for my kids.

Anyhow, it's not like this baby will inconvenience her, I RARELY ask her to babysit, I just recently became an RN and have a part time job, and will more than likely ALWAYS have some type of job opportunity available to me (oh, my mom doesn't much like the fact that I have a PT job and isn't happy I'm an RN, her ex, my dad is an RN), and have been supporting them without any financial assistance from her or anyone.

I think she might be horrified at first, but probably come around in time. Any tips on how to handle this?? Should I tell her at Christmas, or wait??? What has anyone else in a similar situation done? I'm only like 4 1/2 weeks along, if that makes any difference....I've never waited to tell her or any of my family in the past.

Thanks for any advice.

[jennybear]

When you tell her, be HAPPY, not apologetic or tentative.

I think sharing the news on Christmas would be great!

[Terrilein]

Is it possible that she didn't really relish being the mom of 4 and doesn't want her children to feel the same regrets/resentments/etc. that she feels/felt? Maybe it's an issue that you might want to discuss with her.
And yeah, put on a happy face when you tell her.

[jillmamma]

First of all, congratulations!

Second, if you are comfortable sharing this early (as you did with the others) go ahead and do it, but like the other posters said, do it with the preface, "Mom, I have some really exciting news to tell you!" I am the oldest of 4, and I agree that is an awesome size for a family. Best of luck to you, and I wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy and birth!

[Veronika01]

I am expecting my 4th too and our baby was very much planned. We just didn't tell anyone we were ttc. I felt a lot like you did, because I knew my parent's would not be happy about it. Long story, with a lot of control issues. I waited until we had our first u/s at 22w to tell them, plus it gave me time to enjoy my pg without anyone butting in and it gave them 18w to get over any issues they may or may not have. Their reaction was very dissapointing, even though I expected it from them. My father hasn't said anything about the baby to date, my mother made comments about how much it cost to have children and then chalked it down to a birth control failure. So, be prepared that you may not get a great response. In fact, my mom asked how the baby was doing for the first time since telling them 10w ago on Sunday, only because there was an advert on TV which made it very hard not to say something. Congratulations about your baby! Remember that nobody has the right to try and steal your joy about this and have fun preparing! If you think her reaction will ruin Christmas, you can always wait until closer to 12w.

[party_of_seven]

If you are at all concerned about her reaction I would wait until after the holidays to tell her. It's hard to listen to other people's poor reaction to your pregnancy....especially when you are excited about it. It might ruin your holiday and cause you to be even more upset with your mom than you otherwise would have been.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

[catlvr976]

Terrilein, I guess it's possible that she feels that way, I know that my youngest brother was a surprise for her and my dad, but she always says that he was a welcome surprise.

I don't know, maybe I should tell her that since it looks like she'll never get grandkids from her sons, it's up to me to provide her with her grandchildren.

I also try to keep reminding myself that while she may be upset/angry at first, I'm sure she'll come to love and be just as excited about this baby as she was for my girls.

I think we're leaning towards waiting to tell until the threat of m/c drops. Then I worry that she'll be upset because I waited so long to tell her...LOLOL!

[Bethla]

I'm expecting #4 in March and it was also a surprise. I get so nervous before telling my parents. I think I have flashbacks from when I was 19 and told them I was pregnant with my first. My dad swore at me and told me to get an abortion.

I feel so much better when I just tell them and get it out of my system. It's hard to hide when you're throwing up 6 times a day! I agree with PP just state it matter of fact...you don't have to be ashamed.

Congratulations! and congrats on becoming an RN. I would stick to part-time as long as you can!