Anyone skipping using a doula at home? - Page 2

[Shelsi]

I didn't use one and had absolutely no desire too either though. I can't stand anyone being near me, touching me, talking to me, etc when I'm in labor. So there would be no purpose in having a doula at a home birth for me. Dh knew what to do: don't touch me, don't ask me anything or talk to me, and keep ds and my mom away from me. He did that and it was exactly what I needed.

[laughingfox]

I had a doula for my homebirth with DD, but I'm not planning to have one this time around. (If you do get a doula, make sure you get a doula that you're really compatible with. I didn't like having my doula there at all.)
I have a friend who's hopefully going to be able to drive into town to help out. I don't know how much birth-related help I'll need, but it'll be nice to have someone to pass the time with, and someone to help out with my daughter and my dog.

[Oliver'sMom]

I didn't have a doula with my hb with ds, but looking back I wish I did. My midwife didn't provide the emotional support that I needed, and my dh, though absolutely wonderful, was clueless . I remember saying "I don't know what to do!" "nothing feels right!" My midwife would just say "do whatever your body tells you", but I needed concrete suggestions.

Also, this time around, ds will be about 3.5 when the baby is born, so he'll need dh as his support person, which leaves me needing a doula.

[ColwynsMommy]

Originally Posted by Shelsi

I didn't use one and had absolutely no desire too either though. I can't stand anyone being near me, touching me, talking to me, etc when I'm in labor. So there would be no purpose in having a doula at a home birth for me. Dh knew what to do: don't touch me, don't ask me anything or talk to me, and keep ds and my mom away from me. He did that and it was exactly what I needed.

This is me, too. I didn't need/want any labor support during contractions, though I did appreciate the occasional "You're going a great job" from my husband in between contractions. I actually kicked him out of the room during each contraction in active labor, so it was just me.

I will say that a doula would have been nice when the baby was actually born, because the midwife just missed it, and it was just me and my husband. It would have been nice to have someone to grab a towel or to take pictures. But hopefully that won't happen again. We were actually planning for my mom to be there, too, but she was downstairs and we didn't have time to call her upstairs.

[Carson]

I didn't have one. I had DH and a nurse who came with the MW and both were incredibly amazing. The nurse looked after my physical needs, and DH looked after me emotionally. I know that not every DH is up to that role, though.

[ShwarmaQueen]

I wanted one and needed one, but my MW brought 2 apprentices to the birth who acted like doulas at times (awesome ) and my hubby even provided loads more support than I had imagined would beforehand. So, no, I didn't have one but it turned out we were just fine without one. Looking back now, I think another person would have overcrowded the room!

[SelenaJean]

I'm not planning on having a doula attend my labor and homebirth. I have a team of two midwives and an apprentice who were all doulas in the past. I asked if I should hire one at my first appt and they said between the 3 of them they are happy to provide all the support I need.

[homebirthing]

I have had four babies at home and have used a doula each time. We love love love to have one! That said, I don't pay for them as I am also a doula and "in the know"!

You can contact DONA and get a new doula who wouldn't charge or would only charge a very small fee if you are interested in having one. You should still interview a couple of them though, even if they are free.

[matthia]

I am still on the fence over whether or not to get a doula. I guess the biggest reason for me wanting one is for extra support for my DH, reallly. I am pretty confident that I can do this, that being said, it's our first baby and definitely our first homebirth experience. Neither of us really knows what we're in for. We're very much in the prepare for 36 hours of hard labour, hope it's only 3 mindset. And if all goes long and hard, having a doula there to help support DH (and me when DH needs to recharge) would be amazing. I also think I am a bit more inclined towards having someone else there because we don't have family nearby so there is NO ONE else to act as labour support.

The only other person we might have there is a really close friend of mine. We've always discussed being at eath other's birth so I am hopeful that she will be there. However, she has been a tad flaky lately and I am wary of putting too much trust in her completely amatuer abilities.

Also, as supportive as my husband is, sometimes we fail to communicate really well under stress and I am a tad bit afraid that when I really need him, he might be too unsure to follow through with what we had previously discussed.

[Hallielynn01]

I had 3 doulas at my homebirth for my 2nd child!! Well, one official doula and two good friends who came later who are also doulas. Nothing like a circle of women around you, massaging and sharing in the vibe. a-maz-ing!

But really, I liked having the doula there for me, so DH wasn't having to worry as much. We did the Bradley thing, and were great students, but after a really long labor at a birth center, he was spent and I felt alone and needed someone to encourage me to get up and get moving, though the pain was keeping me from doing it. The midwives I had were not intrusive and let the mom do her own thing. But as a first time mom I needed more help, and thought I didn't want any "strangers" in my birth. Its rare that a doula feels like a stranger unless you hire her right away. Most doulas do an interview and at least 1-2 prenatal meetings to get to know the mom and her desires.

My doula was great because I wanted someone with me during early-heading into active labor, and it was many hours before the midwife came. She timed contractions when I asked, kept me a little distracted, made sure DH was good and happy. I loved having her. She also got amazing pictures, wrote a beautiful birth sotry, and was there to hold my hand when things got a little crazy and scary during an unexpected pushing phase, when the midwife needed to clamp and cut the cord to allow the baby to be birthed. She helped me focus and pant through it. I knew what was happening. And wasn't afriad,but it was unexpected, and NOTHING like the first baby.

Wouldn't birth with out one!

[JenChaffee]

DH and I took a Bradley class. We have ended up deciding that his support will be enough. I tend to like to be left alone and he knows me best, so we are fairly confident in our decision. I have never done this before, so I won't be able to make a comparison of having a doula and not having one.

Many people did tell me that a doula was critical in their birth. The differences I saw were that they didn't really prepare by taking birth classes or doing much research into what to expect during labor and delivery. The doulas were very helpful in keeping them prepared for what to expect next. They were also doing hospital births.

Maybe I will be caught off guard, but thus far, I feel confident that I am prepared and that DH and I can do this together. Any day, now!

[EricaDoula]

If you would like a doula, go for it! Most doulas now have an NPI number and can submit a claim to your insurance! I'm a doula, and submit claims and 8 out of 9 have been approved! Call your insurance, it's definitely worth it!

[cookiemom]

Wow. So many great perspectives. I didn't know it would spur so much conversation.

That is interesting about the insurance code, I'll have to look into it -- now more out of curiosity.

My mother studied Bradley in the late 70s/early 80s and attended several of her friend's homebirths as a support person. She helped one of them thru backlabor and told me the whole story over the holidays as if it had happened yesterday. She seems to remember a lot of pain coping strategies for someone who had 3 out of 4 unmedicated births. She said she still uses them today with injury and believes in the whole mind over body idea. We had a long discussion and I feel even more confident now about having her and my husband be there for me on the big day/night. (even though I am usually very independent, I feel like I might need a little help) Its been snowing a lot here this year for some reason, and DH took up reading the Emergency Childbirth by Gregory White manual in addition to reviewing all the Bradley stuff recently.

Someone had mentioned to me that a checklist for your helpers to look over or review in the last few weeks before the due date is very helpful. Ie: How to motivate the mother, suggest a walk, a shower, water, massage, have electrolytes and snacks available etc. - and then have the list handy when the day comes.

I know that my mother had very short labors with all of us and like her, I am often fiercely independent. She told me she could not even speak and didn't want people touching her all the time or even talking, and thinks I might react the same way...so those of you who mentioned you were like that and didn't have a doula also makes me feel a little more confident in my choice. I know it's different for everyone and you can't plan what's going to happen, but it's very helpful to have all these points of view.

Also, good luck to all the first-timers out there, I know we can do this!

Thank you all so much!

-Cookie
Mom-to-be February 2010

[almadianna]

I think that a doula is great, but if you have a good support system from your partner, friend, family, etc. it might not be completely necessary. I did not use one with both my babies but I had my husband, mother, father (yes even my father), younger brother (who was 25 and 27 at the time for each of my babies), and our nanny who takes care of the kids while I am at work at my birth. Aside of course from my midwife, her assistant, and my first born.

If you do not have that support system then a doula can be a wonderful thing, and can completely change the outcome of your birth.

[AntoninBeGonin]

I had a Doula with Antonin's birth which was a natural birth at a hospital. I didn't find having one to be particularly helpful. Oddly enough, I did like the idea of having a Doula enough that I got my DONA certification soon after he was born. However, I only had one client, also having a hospital birth. I decided against having a Doula for Arianna's home-waterbirth. There was nothing that my Doula did wrong, in fact, after getting my DONA I realized that she was very thorough and by the book. After having a Doula for my first birth I realized that I'm just not the type of person who needs that kind of help. I am very sensitive to touch and textures and temperature even when I'm not pregnant or in labor. Couple that with my intense hatred of breath, and my need for plenty of space and you have someone whose needs are completely opposite of how Doulas are trained. Honestly, my ideal birth would be a UC but DH would lose all his hair and go insane if I tried to press that issue. He was fine with having midwives at a homebirth though.

[Plummeting]

I didn't use a doula for our hospital birth and I'm not hiring one for this home birth, either. I felt comfortable with just me, DH, the nurse and the midwife at the hospital. I wouldn't have wanted any "extra" people and a doula seems "extra" to me. I appreciate their worth for many, many women. I just don't need one with DH. He's great. Our midwives come as a team or bring an assistant, so that's 3 people there again. I don't know why I'd need another.

[AmyKT]

I used one for my first birth at a hospital with a midwife. It was very comforting for me to have her there since it was my first, but the midwife was around a lot more than I thought she'd be, and I used hypnobirthing techniques anyway, so I was mostly deep inside myself. I think this time I'll skip it because blocking everyone out was the best thing for me. Like a PP said, I also hated being touched, and she would stroke my arm at every contraction. The hypnosis was working so well that sometimes I didn't even know I was contracting until she touched me. That sucked. I still highly recommend a doula for a first birth, especially if it's in a hospital where your wishes might be overlooked.