I know she was "just a dog," but...

[Sierra]

We euthanised her last night due to an incurable cancer and the accompanying pain, and I feel like my heart is utterly broken.

I am filled with grief, guilt (did we "put her down" too soon, should I have asked to hold her at the vet when they did it, did I make the right decision in allowing my kids to be there, did we do enough to relieve her suffering at the end, should I have taken a paw print or something before we took her in...and it goes on), and even anger (did the vet give us an accurate and fair assessment of the situation, why didn't he talk to any of us when he came in the room to put the dog down, except to question his diagnosis, why didn't they give us a chance to change our minds, why didn't they talk to us more about how we would know we were getting the right dog's ashes back, etc.). I am totally shoulder-deep in the grieving process.

I feel like I can't breathe. I feel like I can't function. And all this, a few days before Christmas. I have so much to do, but I don't even want to get out of bed. I am here at work, and I can't think straight to get anything done.

We also lost a congregant (I work in ministry) last week. My heart was already weak and shaky, and now this.

I just. can't. deal.

Why is this so hard?

I guess it makes sense. This dog has been in my life for 12 years. She was just a pup when my dw and I met. She has been there through the arrival of my children.

And seeing my children grieve too, it is just unbearable. I feel so desperate to relieve them of their pain, but I know I need to just let them feel. It is just tooooooo much!

Lord help me. I am falling apart.

[bajamergrrl]

I'm so sorry. You lost a valued member of your family so I don't think it's unreasonable to grieve. Grief isn't just reserved for other humans. Many s to you.

[luvmybaby333]

I am so sorry for your loss. I went through something very similar when we put down out kitty-baby a couple months ago. It is a terrible feeling.

[Ola_]

I'm so sorry. I have two dogs and I can't even imagine losing them, even though I know it will happen eventually. A dog trainer once told me that she would rather put a pet down a week too early, rather than a day too late, to spare them the suffering. Not sure if that helps or not, but it's something that has stuck in my mind.

{{{{Hugs}}}}

[Pepper44]

It's ok, she wasn't *just* a dog...she was a beloved member of your family.

My childhood dog died of congestive heart failure when I was in high school and it took me a year to recover. I still miss her terribly and honestly I don't love the two dogs I have now nearly as much as I loved her.

We didn't get her put to sleep because we weren't sure how much time she had left--she then deteriorated very suddenly late one night and the look in her eyes as she gasped for breath and slowly died was horrible. I will never, ever forget it. If I could do it over again I would have put her to sleep while she was still happy and wagging her tail.

to you and your family.

[Night_Nurse]

Hugs to you & your family! I've been there and I understand the real pain (and anger & guilt) of losing a pet and making the decision to euthanize. It is so hard but your pet was a member of your household and family, you will miss her for a long time. I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope it gets better for you soon.
I don't know if this will help or not, but my oldest is still having occasional crying spells over the loss of our cat (several months ago). So for a Christmas gift I'm giving her a framed photo of her holding the cat. Sometimes things like photos will help kids work through their grief (or maybe taking an afternoon to make a photo collage as a family, or taking the kids to make a donation to help homeless pets in your pet's honor, etc). When I lost another pet years ago (in a very tragic way), it helped me to journal a lot of the stories I remembered about the pet. Now when I read the stories, it brings a smile. But it was an effective way to deal with the shock and grief at the time.

[Catubodua]

she was never "just" a dog. don't let anyone belittle your grief or try to convince you that what you are feeling isn't real or is wrong or is over the top or whatever.

i'm very sorry for your loss. make sure to also remember her life and the love she gave your family all those years and celebrate the time you had with her.

[MPsSweetie]

I'm so sorry! Pets are never a "just a ___", they are part of our families! s

[countrygirl28]

to you and your family. Losing a family member is never easy, especially when you have to make end-of-life decisions for them. I hope you find peace soon.

[gothnurse3]

I'm so sorry! I lost both my dogs this year...cried harder for that than some of my human family's deaths. They are part of our family.

[nurturebaby]

What a lucky pup to have had you loving her for 12 years It sounds like she was very loved and you were a good mamma to her - right up until the end, when that difficult, selfless decision was made to allow her pain to be put to an end, despite the fact that you wanted to hold onto her forever... you did what real love required of you.

I'll keep your family in my prayers.

[EarthRootsStarSoul]

Your dog was more than just a pet. I had to put my almost 14yo dog to sleep last month. She was my friend. She was my pack. She was my first 'child'. It's rough. I understand.

[jocelyndale]

It is such a hard decision, but it's one we often must make because we *do* love them so much. I had to help my dog pass this spring and I still cry over him. And that's okay. Our pets are incredibly special and important parts of ours lives.

[Irishmommy]

I'm sorry.

[Belia]

My dog is my best friend, and I say that all the time to anyone and everyone. I am so sorry for what you are going through.

[MichAnne]

I feel your pain, and its totally normal to grieve.

My dog that i got for my christmas when i was 11, and that my mom kept when i moved out with DH, was killed by another dog when my mom was walking him down the street. The other dog was leashed, but the woman couldnt control him. (and the other dog was a pure bred black lab!!!!) this happened about a month after DH and i got married. Poor benny was hurt so bad! i still cry just thinking about it, and it has been a year. I picked up his collar from the vets office for my mom because she couldnt handle it, and i couldnt even hold it, knowing that he died wearing it...and now come the water works....sigh.....

Perfectly normal the grieve!! Its hard to lose a member of the family, human or animal. The pain goes away, eventually.

hugs and prayers for you and yours!!!

[kblackstone444]

What was her name?

There is no such thing as "just a dog". She was a loved family member.

Here are some poems I collected when I lost my dog Shayna almost four years ago (one I wrote, the others I found, but no longer remember who wrote them). I still miss her, ever day, as you will miss yours, but the pain will ease in time. I hope these poems give you some comfort.

If It Should Be That I Grow Frail and Weak

If it should be that I grow frail and weak,
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you will do what must be done,
For this, the last battle, can be won.
You will be sad, I understand,
But don’t let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn’t want me to suffer so,
When the time comes , please let me go.
Take me to where my needs they’ll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end,
And hold me firm and speak to me,
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree,
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don’t grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We’ve been so close, just us, these years,
Don’t let your heart hold any tears.

*****************************************

I Miss You So

Though you are not here,
Wherever I go or whatever I do,
I see your face in my mind
And I miss you so.
I miss sneaking you food,
I miss taking our walks,
I miss your tail,
Banging agains the floor,
And you happy dance,
When I asked if you wanted to go out.
I miss your bark,
I miss your sctratching,
I miss everything about you,
But most of all, I miss your nose.
I miss stroking your nose
When we’re both tired and sleepy.
I don’t like missing you.
There is a hole in our family now,
Only five where there should be six.
I wish that I could be with you right now,
And tell you just one more time I love you,
And know you understand.
But since I can’t be with you right now,
I will have to be content just dreaming about
When we will be together again.
I don’t want to have to be content
Just dreaming about when
We will be together again.

*****************************************

An Owner’s Plea

Please, God, if You should hear a scratch on Eden’s Gate tonight,
A gentle whine, a muffled bark; have Peter take a light
And open up the Pearly Gates and call her Spirit in,
For I think she lived in Heaven once; please take her back again.

She may have been a mongrel, without a pedigree,
Yet she was noble, kind and good; I think You will agree:
That she’ll be very useful where the souls of children play.
She’ll romp with them, and see; Dear God; they do not go astray.

Just tell her that we’re sorry that we could not pat her head,
And whisper how we loved here ‘ere her Spirit fled.
I pray that when death beckons, and my soul surmounts life’s fog,
I’ll rate a place in Heaven, Dear God, beside our dog…

*****************************************

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of Heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here,
That pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends,
So they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine,
And our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor.
Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again,
Just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing;
They each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together,
But the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance.
His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers.
Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass,
His legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, You cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again.
The happy kisses rain upon your face;
Your hands again caress the beloved head,
And you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet,
Ao long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together...

[kblackstone444]

What was her name?

There is no such thing as "just a dog". She was a loved family member.

Here are some poems I collected when I lost my dog Shayna almost four years ago (one I wrote, the others I found, but no longer remember who wrote them). I still miss her, ever day, as you will miss yours, but the pain will ease in time. I hope these poems give you some comfort.

If It Should Be That I Grow Frail and Weak

If it should be that I grow frail and weak,
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you will do what must be done,
For this, the last battle, can be won.
You will be sad, I understand,
But don’t let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn’t want me to suffer so,
When the time comes , please let me go.
Take me to where my needs they’ll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end,
And hold me firm and speak to me,
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree,
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don’t grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We’ve been so close, just us, these years,
Don’t let your heart hold any tears.

*****************************************

I Miss You So

Though you are not here,
Wherever I go or whatever I do,
I see your face in my mind
And I miss you so.
I miss sneaking you food,
I miss taking our walks,
I miss your tail,
Banging agains the floor,
And you happy dance,
When I asked if you wanted to go out.
I miss your bark,
I miss your sctratching,
I miss everything about you,
But most of all, I miss your nose.
I miss stroking your nose
When we’re both tired and sleepy.
I don’t like missing you.
There is a hole in our family now,
Only five where there should be six.
I wish that I could be with you right now,
And tell you just one more time I love you,
And know you understand.
But since I can’t be with you right now,
I will have to be content just dreaming about
When we will be together again.
I don’t want to have to be content
Just dreaming about when
We will be together again.

*****************************************

An Owner’s Plea

Please, God, if You should hear a scratch on Eden’s Gate tonight,
A gentle whine, a muffled bark; have Peter take a light
And open up the Pearly Gates and call her Spirit in,
For I think she lived in Heaven once; please take her back again.

She may have been a mongrel, without a pedigree,
Yet she was noble, kind and good; I think You will agree:
That she’ll be very useful where the souls of children play.
She’ll romp with them, and see; Dear God; they do not go astray.

Just tell her that we’re sorry that we could not pat her head,
And whisper how we loved here ‘ere her Spirit fled.
I pray that when death beckons, and my soul surmounts life’s fog,
I’ll rate a place in Heaven, Dear God, beside our dog…

*****************************************

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of Heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here,
That pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends,
So they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine,
And our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor.
Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again,
Just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing;
They each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together,
But the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance.
His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers.
Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass,
His legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, You cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again.
The happy kisses rain upon your face;
Your hands again caress the beloved head,
And you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet,
Ao long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together...

[number572]

Its impossible to compare, she was a part of your family. Your 12 year old girl, and she has passed on. Its ok to be upset that someone dear is now missing. Looking thru photos and writing down all of the adorable and loving and funny and intelligent and impressive things our dog did in her 12 yrs helped me alot. I have her photo and her ashes and some other memories in a special place in my home for her. I light her candle when I'm home. Its been 6 months since my dog passed and she's still a big part of my heart, always will be, she was my first "baby"!!

I hope warm memories fill your heart today.
In loving celebration of your beloved friend & family member,

[Sierra]

Thank you everyone. The waves of pain are like tidal waves, and there is just this constant hollow feeling in my chest all the time, even when the grief is not quite as acute. My dog's name was Nakara. We often called her Nikki, and my son who has speech delays had just learned how to say "Nakara" a month or so ago. I can just hear him calling to her.

She was the world's sweetest dog, I swear. I got her from the animal shelter. Originally they had said that she wasn't adoptable because she escaped the shelter twice in her time there, once by crawling through a system of pipes (!?!). I had to put up a good argument in order to take her home. She was so wild and crazy back then, and I can't say her life was much better in that six months. She unfortunately went through my relationship becoming abusive, and me escaping that relationship mostly at that time because I was very upset about how she was being treated and I feared for her. I do believe that by acting quickly to save her, I saved my own life too. When I tried to leave, I was forced into the car and taken for a drive up to the mountains where I was told that I would be killed. I escaped very narrowly in a scene that could have made the movies. Nikki had been dropped back off at the animal shelter early that morning to punish me and try to get me to stay, and as soon as I was able to get free, I went to go get her. The shelter was reasonably afraid that her return would not be safe, but I had friends and family write me references, set up a plan to keep both of us housed and safe, and submitted it to the shelter. After a weekend of consideration, the shelter director let her come with me, and I will always be thankful for that.

I set up my new life and tried to do my best by her. I even enrolled her in "doggy daycare" a few times a week while I was working...which she really loved. I still have some of her "daily report cards," with names of the other dogs she played with and lists of her activities. We liked to hike together. I sometimes made really stupid decisions on her behalf, but I hope to goodness that her life was generally good and that she knew how much I loved her.

She remained wild for a long time. It was crazy-making. When she was around two, I remember buying a book called _Surviving Your Dog's Adolescence_. I still went with her to dog training too (though eventually we worked up to the level of "Canine Good Citizenship," which is an actual certification). My now-dw and I met in that second year, and dw immediately grew attached too. Nikki got her first cancer when she was just four years old or so. Fortunately the cancer was stopped in its tracks by surgery (which I insisted on watching from start to finish through the window into the surgical suite) and perhaps the homeopathic and herbal remedies we gave to her for many months after the surgery. She lived through several moves including two cross-country moves. She drove in the cab of the U-Haul both of those times.

She became a calm but energetic dog in the end. So even-tempered. She really was something of "our first child." She slept in our bed, and I even once entered a "dog and me look-a-like" contest with her at an animal shelter fundraiser. When our kids arrived, I never once worried about how she'd respond...other than feeling sorry for her about getting kicked out of the family bed and all the other accompanying changes. She was just so laid-back about it all, and very sweet with all the foster children and children who came into our lives. Everyone who ever met Nikki loved her.

She "trained" a couple puppies...one we got when she was five or six (he tragically died on Valentine's Day almost two years ago), and one who was our neighbor's dog. She was always a very gentle but firm "surrogate mother." One thing I remember most is the sound of her and the younger dogs (our younger dog and the neighbor's dog) in the large backyard in one house we lived in for five or six years. The yard had a chain-link fence and we lived on a corner lot, which she loved because she was basically part of all the neighborhood action. When friends would walk by, she and the dogs would follow them as far as they could up the fence and sometimes from one side of the yard to the other. They were big dogs, and it sounded like a stampede. It was such an excited, joyful run for the dogs, and the sound always made me happy.

I also miss the click-clack of her paws on the floor, and the way she followed us from room to room and laid down wherever we were. We were a pack. We really were.

In the hour before she died, I sat with her and cried. She licked my tears. She licked my tears. Sweet soul licked my tears. Lord how just writing this makes the tears flow again.

Thanks for listening.