When IS it okay to intervene/give your two cents? - Page 2

[Addy's Mom]

Seems like something beyond the ear infections is bothering her, unless this is a typical way for her to react to something. Maybe she's dealing with stress over other things, things she doesn't necessarily want to share (like marriage issues or something).

In any event, you sound like a great friend and good person for reaching out to her again over Christmas. I hope things work out and that she can see you are just trying to be helpful.

[mammal_mama]

I'm glad you're feeling at peace about the whole thing.

However, sometimes I have assumed that the reason someone acted upset toward me was their own problem and clearly not related to anyhing I'D done at all -- only to ask and have my eyes opened to something I didn't even realize I'd been doing.

Of course, it's up to you if you just feel it's best to drop it and move on. I'm not there and I don't know you or your friend. But for me, sometimes just being open to the possibility that I "might" have unwittingly done something offensive or hurtful, has been helpful to me in my growth as a person.

I just thought I'd throw that out there for consideration. Not saying what you should or shouldn't do, since I don't even know you guys.

[Pookietooth]

She is not ready to hear it, and anyway people tend to write off advice from non-experts for the most part. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to give advice and been ignored; I've given up for the most part. She seems a bit defensive, but I think when people have issues they probably get advice from lots of folks. Not sure why family members are written off so easily though.

[LROM]

From what I've seen on these boards I'm definitely way over on the side of saying something far more often than most here would. For me, there's just been far far too many times where either someone gave me helpful info with good intentions that really was helpful, or I offered info to someone and they said it was helpful, for me to just shut up when it looks like a child or an adult is struggling with something significant.

And if I believe a child is in danger or someone is hurting them (verbally, emotionally, physically, sexually) or neglecting them, aside from the fact that I'm a mandated reporter, I ALWAYS try to do *something* and always did even before I was in this field.

I operate with the "silence is the voice of complicity" rule, as well as the "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" rule. If I was in danger, or my child was in danger, I would absolutely want someone to say or do something to help me. So I treat others the same way.

And if it's not a major immediate danger but more like a daily problematic issue and especially if it involves a child, I still say or do something.

Because I'd want strangers and friends to err on the side of "just in case I need/would benefit from help" and offer info/assistance/intervention and let me decide if I need it or not. Do unto others.... (which, I guess if you want everyone else to stay out of your life, it works that way too... you stay out of theirs.)

[phoebemommy]

I agree that you didn't do anything wrong -- it sounds more like you were showing friendly interest and concern than butting in.

It's probably true that you hit a nerve irritated by someone else, or something like that. But I did have a friend who used to love to complain about her immense problems (health, men, mental, she had every problem you could imagine), really took hours and hours of my and other people's time, and I eventually got frustrated when she was complaining about a jerk she had been on and off flirting with being rude to her. I said, firmly but kindly, "he's a jerk, just stop talking to him." And she called be the word that rhymes with itch. For her it was an attention thing, and I began to see that she thrived on being the one with problems and had no desire to fix them, even when she said she wanted to. Some people are just like that -- if you start to see your friend is like this I suggest setting good boundaries with your time and energy.