Well-meant gifts

[Picard]

DH and I are pretty particular as to what we would like DS to play with. Already DS has received lots of gifts from his aunties and uncles for the holiday season. We are very grateful for this, but more often than not we think that they are inappropriate. They are either age-inappropriate or just not what we like him to play with. How do you handle these situations? So far, we have modified some toys and given some of the toys to charity.

[Drummer's Wife]

Unless they are truly dangerous (ie a real choking hazard), I let my kids enjoy them. Even if it's not something I would have personally bought, I figure the giver thought it was something they would like.

If it's something that really goes against your ideals, could you pack it/them up in a week or so to donate?

[AmyKT]

There's not much that I'd get rid of on moral/ethical grounds (well, there are a few things, but luckily we've not received any Bratz dolls or the like yet), but if something really annoys me, I've helped it "disappear." That means that it goes out of sight until I can either stand it again or until I can donate it. But my daughter is only 2, so it's an easy thing to do at this point.

[junipervt]

we have a bunch of toys that live at Nani & Pop's house. gets them out of our house & gives her something to play w/ when we visit them (at most one weekend a month).

[AllyRae]

Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife

Unless they are truly dangerous (ie a real choking hazard), I let my kids enjoy them. Even if it's not something I would have personally bought, I figure the giver thought it was something they would like.

If it's something that really goes against your ideals, could you pack it/them up in a week or so to donate?

Yes, this. The toys were gifts for my children, and therefore are my children's property. It's not my place to do anything to their property without their permission. Just because they weren't *my* choice for toys, it doesn't give me the right to take away their gifts behind their backs.

But we are lucky...those who give gifts to my children know them well and know the things we prefer, so there isn't too much given to them I wouldn't "approve" of. And if it's not something we would have thought of or if it wasn't on our list of preferred things, we learn real quick that our kids have their own tastes--they usually *love* those things. : If it's not a safety hazard, it stays until it breaks or they get bored with it.

[ILoveMyBabyBird]

you mentioned some are not age-appropriate, are they too young or old for your child? Ds has many times gotten toys too old for him, and i have had to put them away until he is older and then get them out for him, some i've even bought myself!

[pjs]

We return them and get something more age appropriate or if unable to be returned we'll donate them/leave them at the swap shop for others.

[kittykat2481]

MIL and her husband bought this for my *just turned* 2 year old. I dislike this toy for so many reasons, not the least of which being the fact that my son is terrified of it. I only wish it was still in the box so we could exchange it for something that would actually bring him joy. It was very expensive.

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index...ductId=3502190

[ecoteat]

Originally Posted by kittykat2481

MIL and her husband bought this for my *just turned* 2 year old. I dislike this toy for so many reasons, not the least of which being the fact that my son is terrified of it. I only wish it was still in the box so we could exchange it for something that would actually bring him joy. It was very expensive.

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index...ductId=3502190

I can't even wrap my head around the logic of buying that for a toddler. Since it is so expensive, I would sell it on eBay and then buy a toy that is age appropriate. At least then your MIL's money is going to your ds somehow--unless she would like to donate $50 to Goodwill.

[JL83]

We put up toys that are actually too old for DD. In a few weeks we'll pack up and then either donate or store toys that were "flops".

I do not agree with taking toys away from her just because I don't like them. The most we do is set up rules about where/when certain toys can be used. She got this really annoying ball popper thing for her 1st Christmas. We have a rarely used playroom in the basement where that toys lives. 2 years later she still plays with it every time we go down there. She's 3 and got an iTunes gift card for Christmas so that we could buy some apps for her for my iPhone. Ok. That's great, but we'll still hold to the rules we have about her playing on my iPhone, and that's only when we're at a restaurant waiting for our food. Getting the apps for Christmas doesn't mean she gets to play with the iPhone all time now.

Same thing with the art supplies she got. Just because they are "hers" doesn't mean she has free access to them. But, I'd NEVER have bought her finger paints because I hate the things. So I just hope that she uses them up really fast and I won't worry about them being "wasted".

[twinergy]

Wow, MIL got a gift for DD, 26 mo, this year which I seriously wonder if it was "well meant." It is a robot baby doll that throws a tanturm. The doll screams and crawls, that's it. The recording for the screaming is obviously a grown man's voice that is processed to sound younger. I told DH that the screaming reminds me of something from the Tea House scene in Kill Bill. DH thinks it was one of those gifts intended to annoy the parents. The problem is that DD is very disturbed by the screams. DD cried for longer than we actually had the robot turned on. I made up a story about how the baby was sad because she wanted her mommy, but now she is with her mommy and having "milks" (that is what we call breastmilk.) The story seemed to help but DD is still very concerned about the baby even today.

I plan on starting a blog so I can keep family informed on what the kids are up to on a weekly basis. It can also be used to drop hints about what kind of gifts the kids will actually like, maybe even link to an Amazon wish list.

[Llyra]

Somebody gave my 2 year old DS one of those big-kid Lego sets, that goes together to make a spaceship. Anyway, it's age-rated for 5 and up. If DS got hold of it, first of all, he'd fall to pieces from the frustration of trying to make it work, and secondly, the pieces would be EVERYWHERE. It's a really neat toy, for an older kid, but not appropriate at all for a 2 year old. I just took it from DS and put it away in the closet when he wasn't watching. He has so much new stuff to look at that he hardly notices it's gone, and I'll bring it out when he's ready for it.

[olien]

How old is your LO??

I had a fairly green baby shower: registered for mostly org/natural things, no wrapping paper on gifts please, etc.. So our families KNOW the type of things we like/dislike.

That said for his 1st christmas (ds was 4mo) we got many plastic, battery operated, not age appropriate toys, etc.

For my DS 1st birthday I made wish lists at 2 places. Again with mostly non battery, wooden, etc things.

Well I think that really got the message through. This Christmas was great. All gifts, with one exception from a coworker of DH, were non battery, wooden awesome things. Some people asked specifically what we needed/wanted for him & others really respected our lifestyle choices by getting simple things or just gave him money.

Maybe if your Lo is not 1 yet you can do that for his/her birthday too.

[Megamus]

Ah yes. My SMIL gave my 16.5 month old a gumball machine. With the tiny gumballs. It defies logic. Sometimes I don't know what's going on in her brain. We've put it down in the rec room for our friends. Other toys we would have saved for Xander to grow into...but a gumball machine isn't even a toy!

My side of the family is amazing...my dad made DS a rocking horse and a train set (out of pine with natural finishes) and my mom knitted him a string of ducks on wooden wheels. My brother got him non-toxic art supplies. But the other side of the family is always a gamble -it was before we had DS and it will clearly continue to be even more of one now that DS is here.

*shakes head* A gumball machine? really? Anyway, I guess my point is that we're going to take it item by item. If we'd gotten that G.I. Joe toy *I* would have pushed to return it or sell it on eBay...but DH might have wanted to keep it for himself :-P

[hollytheteacher]

Originally Posted by JL83

We put up toys that are actually too old for DD. In a few weeks we'll pack up and then either donate or store toys that were "flops".

I do not agree with taking toys away from her just because I don't like them. The most we do is set up rules about where/when certain toys can be used. She got this really annoying ball popper thing for her 1st Christmas. We have a rarely used playroom in the basement where that toys lives. 2 years later she still plays with it every time we go down there. She's 3 and got an iTunes gift card for Christmas so that we could buy some apps for her for my iPhone. Ok. That's great, but we'll still hold to the rules we have about her playing on my iPhone, and that's only when we're at a restaurant waiting for our food. Getting the apps for Christmas doesn't mean she gets to play with the iPhone all time now.

Same thing with the art supplies she got. Just because they are "hers" doesn't mean she has free access to them. But, I'd NEVER have bought her finger paints because I hate the things. So I just hope that she uses them up really fast and I won't worry about them being "wasted".

Seriously!? Fingerpaints are WONDERFUL art products for toddlers (sorry don't know the age of your child). They are also a great sensory experience!!

[JL83]

Originally Posted by hollytheteacher

Seriously!? Fingerpaints are WONDERFUL art products for toddlers (sorry don't know the age of your child). They are also a great sensory experience!!

They are a great art product. They are just one that makes my blood pressure go through the roof because she (at the age of 3) is still entire incapable of not spreading them to the furthest reaches of the house. We give her a similar sensory experience with a tray full of rice/lentils/beans and her construction vehicles. I let her play in the bathtub with shaving foam. But, finger paints get everywhere.

[echospiritwarrior]

I let my children play with them for a weekend or two and then I take all the "inappropriate" stuff (for us it is mainly blatant commercial stuff-little mermaid/princess umbrellas, plastic my little ponies, Barbies, clothing with too much writing/branding) and I bring that all to my local women's shelter. Sometimes you have to call and see what they are in need of but I know those people have to leave with nothing but their children half the time.

FWIW I don't worry about commercial underwear- I wouldn't buy it but it's functional and not visible to all so I keep that.

[angrypixiemama]

FIL bought my 3 year old DD a nerf machine gun thingee, complete with clip. It was rated for ages 8 and up, and completely inappropriate. He knows that we don't want her having guns, but wanted to push my buttons. We had a discussion with DD about the "shooter toy" and how it was a bad choice. Then we took her to the store where he purchased it, returned it, and helped her pick out something more to her liking.

DD was also given for Christmas some of those dress up shoes....the plastic high heels...I watched her ankles twist for two days, and then today at nap time, I hid them.

[Plarka]

I'm so glad someone brought this up! MIL bought 2.5 year old dd a 2 foot tall talking Pooh Bear. Too big for our tiny apartment, and I don't like battery things that talk and make noise. PLUS she was into Pooh a year ago and not anymore, and I wish they would bother to get to know her. (They haven't even seen her in a year).

When she opened it on Christmas day, she was afraid of it and wouldn't let us take it out of the box! So we are definitely getting rid of it. I was going to give it to a thrift store/charity shop but dh thinks he can tell where it's from, so we will exchange it in a couple weeks!!

I like the idea of wish lists, I was thinking of next Christmas doing that, is it not rude?

[Down2Earth]

Originally Posted by kittykat2481

MIL and her husband bought this for my *just turned* 2 year old. I dislike this toy for so many reasons, not the least of which being the fact that my son is terrified of it. I only wish it was still in the box so we could exchange it for something that would actually bring him joy. It was very expensive.

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index...ductId=3502190

Funniest. Gift. Ever.

Watching the demo was priceless. Now, I'm imagining it frightening a 2 yo.