How often do you give in - if ever? - Page 2

[busymama77]

Originally Posted by darcytrue

If you have treats at home already or goldfish or another snack then I suggest taking them in your purse so you are prepared to give your child something when he starts to fuss. Also, what worked with my oldest child when he was a toddler was telling him he could get something from the machines at the front of the store when we leave if he behaves or letting him ride the little pony go round thingy outside the store for a quarter. That always worked with him.

Having "something" else to divert their attention is always better than flat out saying 'no' IMO if you want to avoid a scene or a meltdown.

Oh, I always have snacks on hand in my purse when we go out. I feel naked if I don't! My DS is a snack kid (hence the 6 reusable snack bags - with fun characters on the outside - that will be in his stocking this year). He flys through those once we get in to the store, start our shopping and is finished by the time we get to the check out line. It's not about not having something to eat, it's him seeing something that he really wants to take home that I won't let him have. We do have candy at home - leftover from Halloween and recent cookie baking, but that's not good enough for him.

Actually, last night went well. We went to WM. I had snacks available. He wanted some muffins. I told him that we had cinnamon raisin bread at home that we need to finish up first before we buy muffins. He started to get upset but then saw a box of Yogo's - which he loves. I gave him the choice between the two and he quickly chose the Yogo's. Again, we were in the check out line, he saw something else that he wanted, but told him to choose between whatever it was and the Yogo's... he stuck with his original plan and all was good. We do let him choose what he wants for breakfast, what he wants to wear that day, things like this. Maybe we should stick with it - in all situations?

[meemee]

first of all - fits or no fits - i think no matter how much you talk, its unfair of me to expect my dd to behave when they are in 'disneyland' to expect them to have <what is the word i want to use here? sorry cant remember for the life of me> control.

dd and i have always talked. as a 3 year old i have told her why she cant have that piece of candy - too much sugar already (that is the ONLY reason i say no). but she might get a little something. as she has grown up if she has a logical reason as to why to break my world, i totally accept her reasoning.

somedays its me who does it. i tell her 'oooh i said no candy, but i look at it and I want some so we will get a little and share OK because we have already eaten a lot."

i have never ever stuck to my words. i always consider the present situation. so sometimes i give in - sometimes not.

you know how they get - if they are at a shop they want, want, want for the sake of wanting - or so it seems to me. there are rare occasions i say yes to. mostly its no no no. however she knows it. so she doesnt really throw a fit about it.

[Tjej]

Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom

I never give in to fits. A fit is guaranteed to get the opposite result desired.

I do, however, regularly "bless" my children after shopping trips. The rule is that they do not ask for "treats" and they are not entitled to them so shouldn't expect them, but mama sometimes buys them just because. That seems to work out pretty well.

The above is pretty much how I operate too.

There's a reason the US doesn't negotiate with terrorists.

Tjej

[NellieKatz]

I never ever give in to fits. But my son (age 6) doesn't generally HAVE fits because I've been solid as steel in stores while he has been growing up.

First thing that I can say is, don't say No unless you can stick to it. It's better to say Maybe and then you can mull over his argument and talk it over and once in a while be persuaded (and sometimes say No after considering his request), than to say No beforehand and go back on what you said.

But if I *DO* say "no" about something, I mean it. End of story. I wouldn't have said No without a good reason, so no amount of whining would get me to change my No. Mothering is not a popularity contest; sometimes I am the bad guy, but I can handle it.
:-)

...and my son can handle it too; ultimately I do want him to know that not getting what we want is indeed survivable.

[Malva]

Originally Posted by mustangtbn

I rarely, if ever give in to fits. I can't think of a time I have. I do, however, give in to a persuasive argument on occasion if I think that my child really does have a good point.

I think good negotiation skills are important in life. Unfortunately, it means they get to practice on us.

There is a big difference between a logical, well thought out argument and whining, demanding, pleading behavior. Having said that, clear expectations help. We have a "no treat when grocery shopping" rule. It doesn't get broken. If you think you'll want something, that's what your allowance is for.

[Polliwog]

I change my mind sometimes. It depends on the situation. But usually my kids are happy with free samples the stores around here have (cookie, deli meat, two fruits, bread, balloon, etc.) We rarely have in-store tantrums.

[JL83]

I'm always open for polite discussion. But I never give in to fits.

We don't normally do the "lists" thing. But we also normally remind her that we have some kind of treat at home and that we're not buying more.

[happy1nluv]

I also don't ask permission, as a rule. (I don't do the, "Here is the expectation, okay?") Since it's not really my child's choice on those particular things

I dont remember where i read this, but its totally handy... i tell them the rules, then ask "do you understand?"

they have to acknowledge, but im not asking for agreement to the rules, yanno?